Clark, B.
Davidson Institute for Talent Development
2003
This Tips for Parents article is from a seminar hosted by Barbara Clark, who offers strategies to use with gifted children to help them accept themselves as they are, to provide a place where they feel they can be themselves, and to try to help their educators to understand them as well.
I have found the following suggestions useful as a parent and as a teacher. Many of them came from other parents or from students, and some my children taught me.
If you live with gifted children:
- Create open communication that is available from birth on. Listen, listen, listen. Listening lets your children know that you think they are valuable and careful listening lets them know that what they think is worth understanding. You become a safe and trusted friend.
Set aside a special time for each child to have you to himself or herself, to be interested in her or him alone, to be listened to non-judgmentally, to share ideas. Don't wait for problems or decision-making times. At our house I used the time when I tucked each child in bed, sitting down each evening for 10 to 30 minutes, with all our attention available to each other.
- Do what you like doing and include the child, as well as doing things in which the child is interested.
- Permit the children their own individuality, and enjoy them for who they are, not what you would like them to be. Let them feel your acceptance of them as people.
- Respect your child and allow the child as much dignity as you would a friend.
- Allow your children to make lots of decisions, and consult them on issues affecting them whenever you believe they can understand the consequences.
- Don't confuse the IQ with the child; the child is much more.
- Help the child understand and deal with his or her belonging and conformity needs. Often, especially for girls, the pressure to conform is great; the child must feel it's really all right to be different.
- Help children with their need for perfectionism and what that does to their self-image. Serve as an example by modeling your attempts to accept your own mistakes, and show them how you keep trying.
- Help them set realistic standards, and help them understand how unfair it is to hold others to their standards.
- Arrange back-to-nature times and quiet together and apart times; show that you value reflection and daydreaming.
- Help your child set time and energy priorities. Too often the world is so exciting for these children that they seem to need to do everything at once.
- Help them appreciate individual differences, both in themselves and in others.
- Instruct by your actions more than by your words. If you want your child to be an avid reader, you will need to be one. Other interests develop this way, too.
- Don't insist that every project have closure before other things can happen. Often, what the child wanted or needed to learn from an experience occurs before the project is "finished." Sometimes other fascinating areas just have to be explored before the project can be finished properly. Otherwise, you may end up with a few finished projects and a turned-off child. Besides, this is a need that schools can't meet. Your child will get lots of experience with closure and meeting deadlines at school.
- Be careful about supporting teachers when they are doing stupid things (e.g., a homework assignment of 50 problems all on a concept that your child mastered 2 years ago). Help the child understand the consequences of doing or not doing the task and then plan a conference with the teacher and be sure the situation is understood. If the teacher remains unreasonable, you have a right to discuss your perception with the principal. There is little value in obedience at any cost.
- Provide a safe place by your non-judgmental acceptance of the child. At times, your child will find being different very difficult. Neither the teacher nor the child's friends will always understand, and your child will need a place where it is safe to be who he or she is.
- Read as much as you can of the literature in the field of gifted education. Read what the teachers are reading and current texts in the field not just the "written for parents" materials. The more you know, the more you can understand and help your child.
MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL, enjoy living with your child! Your life together will be a great adventure! Children are not comparable, so value each for what each offers. As parents, we are truly blessed to be able to become so intimately involved with such marvelous people, our children.
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