Can you be too smart for your own good? A common concern of parents of highly gifted children is that their children’s exceptional abilities will in some way contribute to problems with social and emotional adjustment. What do we know about this and what can parents do to build their children’s resilience?

Studies do suggest that highly gifted children have more problems with peer relations and with their emotions, but this is not because there’s a level of IQ at which children become more psychologically vulnerable. Rather, there’s a level of ability at which it becomes exceedingly difficulty to get good access to true peers (people with similar interests, ability, and drive), and to have an appropriate level of challenge in the classroom. Lack of access to true peers and lack of challenge in the curriculum are known risk factors associated with problems with social or emotional adjustment for highly gifted children.

So what can parents do to increase their children’s access to true peers and to secure a challenging curriculum? Though not a panacea, one of the simplest and least costly options is grade or subject acceleration. Acceleration places children with others who are similar in their cognitive development, and advances the content. Parents and school personnel are often reluctant to consider a grade skip in particular because of traditional notions that it cause social or emotional difficulties, but the research on the socioaffective consequences of grade skipping, early admission to college, and early kindergarten entrance in particular, are overwhelmingly positive when candidates are carefully selected. Highly gifted children should not be categorically grade skipped, but they should all be considered for some kind of acceleration option.

Parents can also help their children to build a solid social network by encouraging them to participate in mixed-age activities in their areas of interest. Even the most rural communities often have opportunities for 4-H, group music lessons, scouting, interest clubs, etc., that allow people of all ages to learn together. With their advanced cognitive abilities, highly gifted children must have time with others like themselves, and that usually means time with older children.

In addition to spending time with true peers and being challenged, highly gifted children often also need direct guidance in regulating their intense emotions and sensitivity. Just as we adjust the volume control on our music for different settings and situations, one task of growing up is learning self-control and adaptability. Some children need help learning to calm, soothe and quiet themselves. Other children, though, are too quiet or withdrawn, and need help learning to “turn up” their volume.

With preschool children, parents will need to set firm boundaries and structure the environment so that children are not easily overstimulated, but as they enter school, even the youngest students can learn simple tools to help them adjust and adapt to various situations and settings. For instance, eating 10-15 grams of protein at breakfast and having a protein snack in the afternoon helps many children regulate their moods and energy levels. Limiting sugar and caffeine intake prevents a nervous system that may already be extra aroused from becoming more destabilized. Learning to breathe fully and deeply and to keep moving toward the things that scare us are effective tools for keeping a lid on anxiety. Two of my favorite resources for additional ideas include The Out of Sync Child by Carol Kranowitz and The Optimistic Child by Martin Seligman.

Permission Statement

©2006 Davidson Institute for Talent Development

This article is provided as a service of the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted young people under 18. To learn more about the Davidson Institute’s programs, please visit www.DavidsonGifted.org.