Reviewed by the Davidson Institute for Talent Development.

Perfectionism and perfectionistic tendencies can bring something as simple as life’s daily routines to a screaming halt for an individual and his or her entire support network. While not all perfectionist qualities are easily noticeable (e.g., unspoken, irrational thoughts), all of them have the potential to create barriers in people’s lives. Dr. Thomas Greenspon’s book, Freeing Our Families from Perfectionism, is a friendly and useful guide to help individuals and families develop a new attitude and outlook to move forward in life. This book also offers thoughtful, applicable insight for people who are affected by perfectionism, and provides wonderful ideas and tools for those who are interested in learning how to communicate more effectively. As Dr. Greenspon says, “The most important word in this book may be hope. That’s what it offers, because if you’re willing to learn, observe, and talk with your family about perfectionism, you can begin to free yourself from it and have a more satisfying and enjoyable family life” (p. 6).

Another positive quality about Freeing Our Families from Perfectionism is it’s written with the reader in mind and doesn’t include an abundance of field-specific jargon — terminology and concepts are clearly defined. The book is divided into ten manageable chapters: Recognizing Perfectionism, How Do We Become Perfectionists?, Learning to Dive, Encouragement Communicates Acceptance, Letting Go of Power Struggles, Empathy Makes the Connection, Looking Inward, Beyond a Perfectionist Culture, When Professional Help is Needed, Losses and Gains as You Let Perfectionism Go, Making a Plan Together, and Afterword: Closing the Book on Perfectionism.

Some of the overarching messages one can take away from this book are as follows:

• Vying for perfection and striving for excellence are not the same.
• Perfectionists fear failure more than they desire success.
• Perfectionists are successful despite their perfectionism, not because of it.
• Courage is the ability to take action despite existing fears.
• A focus on progress, not results, helps in overcoming perfectionism.
• Perfectionism is not necessarily correlated with giftedness; however, bright families may have more traits that bring about perfectionism.

This book is highly recommended as an essential tool to turn to, time and again, for readers who are interested in overcoming or helping others overcome perfectionism. Readers may also find it useful in learning how to connect and communicate with family members. For additional information, another resource that addresses this topic is Dr. Greenspon’s What to Do When Good Enough Isn’t Good Enough.

Permission Statement

This article is provided as a service of the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted young people 18 and under. To learn more about the Davidson Institute’s programs, please visit www.DavidsonGifted.org.