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My assumptions about mentoring: Mentoring defined
I thought it might be helpful to make a few implicit assumptions I have about mentoring more explicit:

1. Monogamy is required in a marriage but not in mentoring! (an attempt at humor here!) In other words, develop a network of different type of mentors. I define a mentor as One of a network of helping relationships who provides instrumental (task), psychosocial (emotional) support and serves as a role model. In the seminar, I posted a handout called “Innovative Types of Mentoring” which details the different types of mentors I discuss in my book Power Mentoring. Please don’t be disturbed by the idea of having a network or feel more pressure—you might be thinking to yourself, “I can barely find one- now you are telling me to have a network?! Instead, think of it this way- you don’t have to find the perfect mentor who does everything- instead one person can mentor you in one task and another mentor can provide valuable psychosocial support so it takes the pressure off one person doing everything. If you have a network of helping relationships then you can calibrate your expectations for each person accordingly.
   
   
2. Nearly everybody who makes it has a mentor! With apologies to Sister Barbara, my high school writing teacher, who always cautioned us against using absolutes… I am going to boldly state that I believe this is true. If you study the biographies of successful people, I have an ongoing wager with my students and workshop participants that they would be hard pressed to find somebody who was successful who did not have some mentoring at some point. Bill Gates had his high school teachers and looks to Warren Buffett for mentoring (in fact, I believe their relationship is probably more akin to peer mentoring now). There was an interesting article in the Wall Street Journal recently about wunderkind Mark Zuckerberg reaching out to established CEO’s for mentoring.
   
   
3. Mentoring can benefit us, no matter our age or success level! I believe that in order to be fully alive we have to keep growing, changing, and learning. Our kids do this naturally as they are super smart and have an established educational trajectory to help them. As adults, we have to sometimes push ourselves or intentionally put ourselves in situations to do this. I think mentoring can be helpful anytime you learn something new, take on a new role, or make a change. So, when I became a mom, I found some mommy mentors. When I decided to jump into social media I found some social media mentors and so on.

Expanded Ideas on How to Get a Mentor for You and Your Child

1. Know Thyself- figure out your goals, wishes, and ideas about what you want. I would like you invite you to take some pressure off. You and your child do not have to know an exact interest in order to connect with a mentor. This will continue to change and evolve. I see this all the time with college students who change their major more times than a fashion model changes clothes! As for adults, the average person changes job 16-29 times and careers 7-10 times. As for your child, they are bright and interesting people. Find one thing that your child “kinda sorta” thinks they might like to learn more about and then find a mentor in and connect with people in that. You don’t have to have one’s exact career mapped out- just know the next step to explore. Also, I will mention one resource – the Strong Interest inventory based on John Holland’s work with a typology of vocational codes and occupations can be very helpful in helping young people (and more mature people) match certain interests with certain occupations.
   
   
2. Figure out the go-to people in particular area. Here is where you and your child get to do some research. Look around – Who are the thought leaders in a particular area? Immerse yourself (and encourage your child to do the same) in the writing, the YouTube clips, and the presentations of an individual. If local, see who speaks up, who talks at professional meetings, who is the one person that everyone says you should talk to… keep immersing yourself and a pattern will emerge and a few names will appear as the go to people in a given area.
   
   
3. Think outside the box and consider different types of mentors. What knowledge, skills, or abilities do you or child want to acquire? Probably different mentors can help in different ways. Maybe your DD or DS wants to gain some mentoring in social situations among their peer groups. So, perhaps a step-ahead mentor who is several years older than your YS can help with issues of adjusting to being the youngest in a college classroom or dating dilemmas. Or perhaps your DS or DD wants to connect with Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and gain her support as a mentor because they are considering a career in the Foreign Service? Yes, Hillary is a little busy and probably tough to reach! But Hillary and other successful people have people that work for them and it is their job to write back when you contact her. Work on developing a relationship with gatekeepers, and second or third tier connections. Activate your network- A great way to do this is to link in with past professors, alumni groups and take a look at their networks. Also, think about e-mentors, reverse mentors, peer mentors, as well as traditional mentors. Also, source out formal mentoring programs.
   
   
4. Make a warm call instead of a cold call- In other words, find someone who knows somebody who can provide an introduction- LinkedIn is a great tool for this and I expand on this idea in the seminar.
   
   
5. Give Back -Make your complementary skills explicit. In other words, your DD or DS might be able to serve as a reverse mentor. For example, a few years ago, I helped a recent MBA grad land his first job in entertainment and marketing. In return, one day he stopped by my office and said I am not leaving until you get on Facebook and LinkedIn. I mentor him about getting ahead in his career and in return he is my social media guru. For example, I bet your DD/DS can upload YouTube clips and make a clever movie with Avatars- this is a valuable complementary skill they can offer to a mentor. I have interviewed CEO’s and I know brilliant colleagues who can barely email! An exchange of technology savvy for technical knowledge is a great example of reciprocal mentoring. Your DS/DD also has knowledge of the younger generation and brings perspective and enthusiasm on ideas, trends and assumptions that we can only imagine.
   
   
6. Follow up, express appreciation and pay it forward. Keep expanding your network. Since it is Girl Scout cookie time (Samoa’s rock!). I am reminded of the Girl Scout jingle, “Make new friends, keep the old, new is silver, old is gold.” In other words, our darling daughters, sons and we as parents are never too young or too old to start creating a network of helping relationships and it is never to soon to pay it forward. .. At my son’s school the 8th graders are paired with kindergarteners so even the 5-year-olds start to get the value of mentoring. I hope these steps will help you move forward with mentoring!

Ellen A. Ensher, Ph.D., is the Professor of Management at Loyola Marymount University. She is the co-author of Power Mentoring: How Mentors and Protégés Get the Most Out of Their Relationships.

Permission Statement

This article is provided as a service of the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted young people 18 and under. To learn more about the Davidson Institute’s programs, please visit www.DavidsonGifted.org.