Advocating for a gifted or twice-exceptional (2e) child can involve communicating both their advanced strengths and the barriers that may keep them from fully demonstrating those strengths at school. Productive conversations with educators are grounded in specific observations, shared goals, and a collaborative approach to problem-solving. The tools below can help parents describe their child’s needs without blame, respond thoughtfully to concerns, and begin conversations that support appropriate challenge, meaningful accommodations, and student growth.
Parent Tool: Use Advocacy Language
Word choice can really impact the tone of any conversation. Once the advocacy process has begun, many families find that it can be helpful to have alternatives to potentially loaded terms. Below are a few examples to consider.
| Instead of... | Try... |
|---|---|
| Using the word “gifted” | Referring to specific talents and strengths:
|
| Using the word “bored” | Using the word “unengaged.” |
Using “you statements”
| Focusing on the child and using “I statements”
|
Framing traits negatively:
| Finding the positive side to your child’s traits:
|
Parent Tool: Anticipate Concerns
Reflecting on past conversations, feedback, and correspondence from your child’s school can help you prepare more effectively for a meeting. Consider what you have learned about the staff member’s experience, communication style, classroom priorities, and how your child is perceived at school. For example, a newer teacher may still be learning school procedures, while a teacher with many new ideas may be responding to recent curriculum or funding changes.
Use these observations to shape your advocacy approach and meeting goals. Previous feedback may reveal what the teacher values, what challenges your child is experiencing, or which strategies have already been tried. This context can help you ask more informed questions, anticipate concerns, and frame requests in a way that is constructive and responsive to the school’s perspective.
You may be able to anticipate concerns or hesitations in regards to what you’re asking for. It can be helpful to think of responses to potential concerns. For example:
| If the teacher says… | You might respond… |
|---|---|
| “I can’t make an exception for your student.” | “I understand. Can you tell me more? What can be done within the curriculum/classroom to support my child?” |
| “It’s always been done this way.” | “I’m sure there are probably some very good reasons for that. Can we try this solution for a set amount of time—perhaps six or eight weeks—and then evaluate whether this is working?” |
| “It would cause chaos in my classroom.” | “I’d be willing to help see that this doesn’t happen. I can volunteer my time in the classroom, collect resources, or support you in any way I can from home.” |
| “Your student has straight As. Why not be satisfied with that? After all, what more could you ask for?” | “I know that my child gets straight As, but, the thing is, I feel that she could be learning so much more. I know that you teach because you love to help students grow. I see your dedication. I really need your help and support to help my child reach her potential.” |
| “We don’t have the resources for that.” Or, “That’s not going to work out logistically.” | “Okay. Can we brainstorm some ways to work around that? What resources can we leverage? What are the obstacles to making this happen?” |
Adapted from The Gifted Teen Survival Guide (2011) by Judy Galbraith and Jim Delisle (p. 134).
On Starting the Conversation: 8 Sentence Starters to Use When Talking to Teachers
When parents embark on the advocacy process, many are unsure where to begin. How do you get the conversation started? Geri Coleman Tucker offers the following suggestions for opening up the dialogue with your student’s educators. This content first appeared on Understood.org; written by G.C. Tucker, 2017:
“I’m concerned about my child’s…”
Saying “I’m concerned about my child’s progress in math” is a lot less confrontational than saying, “You need to do more to help my son with math.” Using “I” statements instead of “you” statements can let the teacher know that you want to work together as partners and that you’re not playing the blame game.
“Help me understand…”
Even in moments when you disagree with a teacher, saying “Help me understand” is a constructive way to move a conversation forward. It also makes it clear that you’re listening and engaged.
“What was the goal of this assignment?”
It’s important to make sure you and the teacher are working toward the same goals. Clarifying those goals is key. It’s also important to emphasize that you share those goals. A good follow-up to this question would be to ask, “Do you have any suggestions for other activities my child could do to work on those skills?”
“Have you considered…”
This is a polite way to share information the teacher might not know. It’s also a good way to ask questions without making the teacher feel defensive.
“I’ve noticed…”
This phrase allows you to share information and respectfully acknowledge that parents and teachers often see children from different perspectives. For example, you could say, “I’ve noticed my child can retell a story with more detail after she reads it aloud. Are there opportunities for reading aloud during classroom reading instruction?”
“It seems as if she has a harder time doing __ when __.”
Seems and appears are useful words when trying to reach a shared understanding about a child’s strengths and needs. These words allow you to present your take on the situation without making a harmful or incorrect assumption. For example, you could say, “It seems as if my child has a harder time showing what she knows when the worksheets mix operations” or “She appears to not complete homework when the assignments involve multi-part directions.”
“Her IEP provides her with __. How does that look in the classroom?”
This is a good way to ask about accommodations without accusing the teacher of failing to provide them. Remember the goal is to work together. Avoid making assumptions that could damage your relationship.
“How can I help?”
Teachers have a classroom full of students. These four words let the teacher know you’re willing to play a role in your child’s education rather than just leaving it up to her.
This article is adapted from Davidson Institute’s “Twice-Exceptionality: A Resource Guide for Parents” guidebook. For a deeper dive into supporting your twice-exceptional child, we encourage you to explore the full PDF guide.
Raising a twice-exceptional child comes with unique challenges. Explore our curated collection of expert articles and guides written specifically for 2e families. Explore the Twice-Exceptional resouce bundle >
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