The following article expands on highlights and insights from one of our Expert Series events, which are exclusive for Young Scholars and their parents.
Authored by: Leon Garber
Summary
Many of us struggle with existential thinking because we fear the thoughts and feelings associated with it. In considering the meaning of our lives, we’re asked to investigate our decisions and, more importantly, our values; we’re asked to consider if the decisions we made were wrong, which can feel terrifying. Yet, existential thinking is the propeller to a life well-lived, one that’s negatively correlated with existential fear and helplessness, meaning the more meaning we create, the less we worry about dying. So, we’re tasked with confronting the existential givens of human life — to address our fear of death, the inherent isolation of being human, the lack of an objective meaning, and the freedom to create our own somewhat unique one.
Parents tend to avoid these sort of discussions, fearing they don’t know enough to have them, yet by having them, they help their children feel less isolated, understood, and respected, particularly when we take their inquiry seriously. Additionally, they help their children begin to individuate, or work on their own personalities via an exploration of and support for their individualized values. To pursue a good life, we need to pursue a meaningful one, and to pursue meaning, we need to confront death and meaning. We don’t have to be philosophers in any official sense to develop the tools needed to help others develop a sense of confidence in themselves to make of their lives what they wish. We need to cultivate honesty and curiosity — honesty about our own existential fears, which help children feel like they aren’t alone in their struggle, and curiosity to help them consider new ways of being
Tips
1. Remember that existential anxiety is normal.
2. Remember that existential dread is compounded by avoiding it, as we tend to have more regrets if we fail to seriouslyconsider our life-altering choices.
3. It’s okay to be honest — the more you share about your fears about death and meaning, the more likely your child will open to you about theirs, especially if you normalize those fears for them. Be careful however not to overshare, making them believe that the topic should be avoided.
4. It’s okay to discuss your own mistakes, especially the bigger ones. This gives them the sense that regrets, even the big ones are a natural part of life. Even people they respect, like you, can have them and simultaneously live a life considered meaningful
5. Remember that their existential worries may be symbolic, indicative of more significant mental health-related struggles or ways to avoid sharing more personal problems. So, be curious about what may be left unsaid or why they’re choosing to share what they do.
Resources
Books
Viktor Frankl – Man’s Search for Meaning
Irvin Yalom – Staring at the Sun
Roll May – Man’s Search for Himself
Speaker Bio:
Leon Garber is a philosophical writer, contemplating and elucidating the deep recesses of man’s soul. He is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor/Psychotherapist — specializing in Existential Psychotherapy, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, and Trauma Therapy — and manages a blog exploring issues of death, self-esteem, love, freedom, life-meaning, and mental health/mental illness, from both empirical and personal viewpoints.
Permission Statement
This article is provided as a service of the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted young people 18 and under. To learn more about the Davidson Institute’s programs, please visit www.DavidsonGifted.org.
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