Part 3 of the Davidson Institute series, “Finding Support for the Gifted Parenting Journey”
- Part 1: You’re Not Alone
- Part 2: Finding Clarity
- Part 3: Building Your Support Network
- Part 4: Moving Forward
Who can help us?
You want a wide net to catch you when you need it, and you want to make sure it’s woven with care.
In reality, who can most actively help you is going to depend on exactly what you need help with. If your gifted child is having issues at school, then the school might be the obvious place to start. If your child is struggling with sleep, their pediatrician or a sleep specialist may be the person that you think of.
Before getting too far into professionals and how they can help you, it’s worth noting that your other family members, your co-parent, and your friends are valuable members of your community who can provide you with support, understanding, and sometimes respite.
To briefly outline some of the professionals that might end up in your support network throughout your gifted parenting journey, let’s begin with the people we’ve already listed: yourself, your child, your co-parent, school professionals, and medical professionals. There are also enrichment leaders, tutors/mentors, community leaders (like faith leaders), therapists, educational consultants, legal advocates, and media made by professionals in their field.
Just looking at that list, there are a lot of people! Don’t worry, we go into more detail about the roles of different professionals elsewhere. We just wanted to get you started thinking about all of the people that you have in your corner at any given time.
Try This: Use this tool to reflect on who is in your corner. Also, check out our Advocacy Glossary of those you may encounter on your parenting journey.
What if I don’t need to ask for anything specifically? How do I benefit from just listening?
If you’re a wallflower online, or a “lurker” as it’s sometimes called, we’d like to offer you a special welcome. Lurking is a valuable contribution and skill unto itself. Lurkers help more active members of our community feel valued, heard, and seen. Lurkers themselves often also feel valued, heard, and seen through reading and listening to the stories of others. Many people choose to lurk because maybe they don’t need the advice now, but they are preparing or curious about the future. Lurking might inspire you or instill good ideas for a time when you are in need. If you don’t feel the need to participate in conversations, there is still benefit to participating via lurking.
Being a good lurker involves a lot of the same skills as being a good listener: Keeping an open mind, using discernment, and carefully analyzing the claims being made. Additionally, lurkers are doing vital relating to other parents, because the lurker reads about someone else’s experience and absorbs it deeply, changing their family’s life without ever meeting the person who made the post. Isn’t that just a beautiful part of being a human with internet access?
How do I vet potential helpers?
Your parent gut does just about the best it can. It has led you this far, keep listening to it. If only there was a literal “vibe check” at the door, wouldn’t that make things easier?
Return to your values. Your family and personal values are what help you gut check or vibe check someone when you’re first meeting and getting to know them. Your values are the lighthouse that guides you when you aren’t sure which way to turn.
While we don’t live in your house, we think it’s also safe to say that your kid can act as a vetting tool for new people. Many profoundly gifted children will let you know how they feel about someone/something. They are sure to make their thoughts known. What do they say? Use those opinions to help guide you. They are in the process of developing their “gut check,” and talking together about how it feels to meet new people is one way to strengthen that skill in them (and yourself!).
It’s worth mentioning that simply being “neurodiversity affirming” doesn’t mean that someone is going to provide the support that you and your family need. People can use language however they want, but if someone really is neurodiversity affirming, their practices, actions, language, and accountability processes will all align. They will have flexibility and a willingness to understand your personal situation.
While many professionals can provide support for gifted children, let’s use the example of a therapist for ease during our conversation. In our community, many parents want to find a therapist for their family who is neurodiversity affirming. Finding the right therapist for a gifted child can take time, patience, and persistence. Many families interview or try out a few therapists before they make the decision on who their child will work with over a longer period of time. Thus, as you begin the process, it may be helpful to have a few questions prepared to ask the professional you are considering that delve into the complexities of supporting a profoundly gifted/twice-exceptional individual. For example, rather than ask if the therapist understands gifted children, one question that may give you more insight could be: “What do you believe are some of the more significant problems gifted children encounter?” or “How do you approach supporting gifted children differently from neurotypical children?” Professionals may have different understandings of giftedness. Understanding how a prospective therapist understands giftedness and neurodivergence can be a helpful step in understanding if this therapist is a good fit for your child.
Keep in mind that not every therapist or type of therapy is a good fit for everyone. Even the “best” therapist in your area may not have the skills or approach that best fit your child, their diagnoses, or their support needs. Remember, the right type of therapy is the type that supports your child and their unique profile.
For example, while some families have found value in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA), these two common types of therapies may not be a good fit for all neurodivergent children. Both of these programs are very structured. To a child who may have intense curiosity or sensitivity, highly structured programs may not offer the flexibility or customizability necessary for the child to make therapeutic progress.
One of the ways that you can vet professionals is to ask for a trial period. This trial period is where you can put yourself out there in a measured and controlled way, understanding that there will be re-evaluation. If you’re asking for a trial period, it’s important to set realistic and concrete goals. What would success look like at the end of the trial period? Talking through this with the professional and collaborating with them on setting those benchmarks can help ensure that everyone is on the same page. It’s also helpful to make sure that the trial period is long enough to move past any initial first impressions, struggle with transition, or bumps at the beginning. To put it plainly: You want the period to be long enough to know the difference between a short-term struggle in adjustment or something else that will not work itself out in time.
Try It Yourself: The Davidson Institute knows that the process of vetting a professional can leave you scrambling for questions. Understood, a non-profit dedicated to education about learning differences, has written the article “Questions to Ask Potential Therapists” which has helpful questions that you can pull from. These questions can also be tailored to vet non-therapist professionals as well.
We will discuss what to do if your child is not accepting help in part 4.
The Davidson Young Scholars Program Supports Families in Finding the Right Fit
Identifying the right professionals, resources, or support strategies for a profoundly gifted or 2e child can take time and thoughtful consideration. The Davidson Young Scholars Program provides guidance and community-informed resources to help families make confident decisions.
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