The following article expands on highlights and insights from one of our Expert Series events, which are exclusive for Young Scholars and their parents.
Authored by: Peg Dawson, Ed.D.
Summary
Flexibility is a vital executive skill that helps us adapt to change, manage emotions, and solve problems creatively. The presentation presented 4 different kinds of flexibility: social flexibility, academic flexibility, emotional flexibility, and situational flexibility. People who are inflexible often get “stuck” when things don’t go according to plan. Participants were given three questions to ask when this happens: 1. What is the problem (what is getting in the way?); 2. What do I already know (what have I done before that works and doesn’t work?); and 3. What else can I try (a different strategy or a different way to talk to myself).
The presentation also talked about the physical signals the body gives off that suggest someone is being inflexible (e.g., shallow breath, raised, voice, tense muscles). Coping strategies for becoming unstuck were presented. The role that self-talk plays in contributing to inflexibility was discussed. Examples of negative self-talk often used when someone is being inflexible is: This is impossible! This has to be perfect. I messed up and now people with think I’m stupid. This wasn’t the plan. Why don’t other people see that my way is the right way? Participants were also encouraged to use self-talk to silence their inner critic and activate their inner friend. For example, saying, Mistakes are a chance to learn something new. Maybe others have good ideas, too. The plan didn’t work but what’s another way to look at the situation?
Other topics include an explanation for how the brain handles frustration and disappointment, with a discussion on the roles of the prefrontal cortex and the limbic system in managing emotions. Three questions one could ask to help manage these feelings were given: 1. When I’m frustrated how long should I be stuck with these feelings? (one minute? five minutes, one day…one year?) 2. When I’m frustrated and disappointed how can I get unstuck and refocus on my big picture goal? 3. When I’m frustrated or disappointed, I need to remember there’s always a Plan B. What’s my Plan B?
Tips
Coping Strategies for When You Get Stuck
- Take a break. This gives your brain time to “reset.” It helps you calm down, and when you “leave” the problem for a while, new solutions come more easily.
- Practice deep breathing. Breath in for 5 seconds, hold 5 seconds, break out for 5 seconds.
- Practice positive self-talk. For perfectionists, use a mantra such as “Good enough is both good and enough,” or “Done is better than perfect.”
- Remember there is always a Plan B. Keep this in mind both when planning something and when reflecting after something goes wrong. “This might not work out the way I want it to—what’s my back-up plan?” Or, “Well, that didn’t go as planned. What’s Plan B?
Resources
Strang, et al, 2024. Unstuck & On Target: An Executive Function Curriculum to Support Flexibility, Planning, and Organization. Baltimore, MD: Paul H. Brookes.
Guare, Dawson, & Guare, 2013. Smart but Scattered Teens. New York: The Guilford Press.
Davis, E. 2024. A Witty Guide to Growth Mindset for Teens. Impact Publishing, LLC
Speaker Bio:
In over 40 years of clinical practice, Dr. Peg Dawson has worked with thousands of children and teens who struggle at home and in school. At the center of their struggles are often weak executive skills. Along with her colleague, Dr. Richard Guare, she has written numerous books on this topic for educators, mental health professionals, and parents, among them Smart but Scattered, Smart but Scattered Teens, Executive Skills in Children and Adolescents, and Coaching Students with Executive Skills Challenges. Peg is also a past president of the National Association of School Psychologists, and the International School Psychology Association, and is a recipient of NASP’s Lifetime Achievement Award.
Permission Statement
This article is provided as a service of the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted young people 18 and under. To learn more about the Davidson Institute’s programs, please visit www.DavidsonGifted.org.
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