The following article expands on highlights and insights from one of our Expert Series events, which are exclusive for Young Scholars and their parents.
Authored by: Debbie Reber
Summary
In this session, Debbie Reber, author, parenting advocate, and founder of Tilt Parenting, offers a practical framework for supporting emotional regulation and resilience in profoundly gifted and neurodivergent children. Drawing on her personal experience raising her twice-exceptional young adult, as well as current research and work with thousands of families, Debbie outlines what regulation and resilience can realistically look like for kids with complex neurodevelopmental profiles.
This session is grounded in the understanding that PG and neurodivergent children often face unique obstacles when it comes to developing resilience. These include challenges like heightened anxiety, fixed mindsets stemming from early praise for intelligence, lagging executive function skills, and nervous system sensitivity that can lead to frequent dysregulation. Rather than seeing these as deficits, Debbie reframes them as invitations to parent through curiosity, connection, and co-regulation.
Debbie introduces five foundational goals that can serve as guiding principles in raising resilient kids: developing self-awareness, fostering a sense of agency, supporting self-advocacy, helping kids build a toolbox of regulation strategies, and strengthening their nervous system’s flexibility. Using frameworks like Polyvagal Theory and the Iceberg Model, she helps attendees see dysregulated behavior not as something to fix or control, but as a clue to what a child’s nervous system needs in that moment. She emphasizes the role of co-regulation and how a parent’s calm presence can support a child’s return to regulation, and why this is much more effective than consequences or control.
Throughout, the session offers strategies for how to respond in the moment and over time, and reinforces the idea that in order to raise resilient, regulated kids, parents shouldn’t prioritize “fixing” kids or ensuring “ideal” behavior, but rather help them better understand themselves, build internal skills, and develop confidence in navigating a world that may not always meet their needs.
Tips
• Start with Self-Regulation: You can’t co-regulate with your child if you’re dysregulated yourself. Grounding strategies like deep breathing, calming self-talk, or a short break can help you model the calm your child needs to borrow.
• Validate First, Solve Later: Emotional validation helps kids feel seen and safe. Instead of rushing to fix the behavior, acknowledge their feelings: “This is hard—I get it.” Connection must come before correction.
• Ask, “What does my child’s nervous system need right now?”: This question reframes behavior through a compassionate, curious lens. It shifts ofocus from control to support and opens the door to better responses and deeper understanding.
• Equip a Personal Regulation Toolbox: Help your child identify calming strategies that work for them—like noise-cancelling headphones, movement breaks, or cozy corners—and remind them to use these tools when needed.
• Focus on Strengths, Not Just Struggles: Celebrate and nurture your child’s natural gifts and interests. Doing so fosters confidence and resilience, and helps your child develop a positive self-concept beyond their challenges.
• Respect Developmental Timelines: Your child’s growth is not a race. Embrace their unique pace, especially when asynchronous development (cognitive, social, emotional) is at play. Pushing before they’re ready undermines resilience.
• Prioritize Connection: A strong parent-child relationship is the foundation for all growth. When kids feel deeply seen and connected, they are more open to learning, recovering, and trying again.
• Replace Rewards and Punishments with Collaborative Problem Solving: Use a respectful, curious approach to understand the “why” behind behaviors. Work together to identify lagging skills and build solutions, fostering agency and long-term emotional growth.
Resources
Tilt Parenting Episodes:
• What is Self-Regulation? Dr. Stuart Shanker Breaks it Down
• Bonus Conversation with Dr. Stuart Shanker on Self-Regulation and the Impact of Stress
• A Conversation with Dr. Dan Siegel on Developing a “Yes” Brain
• Dr. Tina Payne Bryson on the Power of Showing Up
• Dr. Ross Greene on Using Collaborative and Proactive Solutions with Very Young Children
• How to Parent Angry and Explosive Children, with Dr. Ross Greene
• Mona Delahooke on the Power of Brain-Body Parenting
• Dr. Tovah Klein on Raising Resilient Kids in Times of Uncertainty
• Dr. Michele Borba on How to Help Kids Thrive in an Anxious World
• Dr. Aliza Pressman on the 5 Principles of Parenting
Books:
• Differently Wired: A Parents’ Guide to Raising an Atypical Child with Confidence and Hope by Deborah Reber
• The Power of Showing Up: How Parental Presence Shapes Who Our Kids Become and How Their Brains Become Wired by Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD
• The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind by Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson, PhD
• Raising Resilience: How to Help Our Children Thrive in Times of Uncertainty by Dr. Tovah Klein
• The 5 Principles of Parenting: Your Essential Guide to Raising Good Humans by Dr. Aliza Pressman
• Thrivers: The Surprising Reason Why Some Kids Struggle and Some Kids Shine by Michele Borba
• Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break the Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage with Life by Dr. Stuart Shanker
• The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives by Dr. William Stixrud and Ned Johnson
• The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children by Dr. Ross Greene
• Brain-Body Parenting: How to Stop Managing Behavior and Start Raising Joyful, Resilient Kids by Dr. Mona Delahooke
• Beyond Behaviors: Using Brain Science and Compassion to Understand and Solve Children’s Behavioral Challenges by Dr. Mona Delahooke
Websites:
• Dr. Stephen Porges
• The Mehrit Centre – Self-Regulation resources
• Lives in the Balance – Collaborative & Proactive Solutions
• Dr. Mona Delahooke’s website
Speaker Bio:
Debbie Reber is a pioneering advocate for neurodivergent children and families and the founder of Tilt Parenting, a top resource for parents raising differently wired kids. Long before “neurodivergent” entered mainstream language, Debbie championed a strengths-based model that celebrates neurodivergent identity and challenges deficit-based narratives. She’s the author of Differently Wired, host of the Tilt Parenting Podcast (8M+ downloads), and a trusted voice featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, NewsNation’s Morning in America show, and ADDitude Magazine. A TEDx speaker, certified life coach, and Positive Discipline trainer, Debbie co-created the Parenting in Place Masterclass series and recently spoke at Harvard and MIT’s Learning & the Brain Conference. Through her writing, podcast, and parent community, she empowers families worldwide with practical, compassionate strategies for raising differently wired kids with confidence and hope.
Permission Statement
This article is provided as a service of the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted young people 18 and under. To learn more about the Davidson Institute’s programs, please visit www.DavidsonGifted.org.
Comments