The following article expands on highlights and insights from one of our Expert Series events, which are exclusive for Young Scholars and their parents.
Authored by: Debbie Reber, MA, Tilt Parenting
Summary
Raising profoundly gifted and twice-exceptional children often means living with more intensity, more decision-making, and more emotional load than most families anticipate. Daily life can feel like a constant effort to keep things on track — managing school challenges, emotional swings, social mismatches, and the exhaustion that comes from holding everything together.
Many parents interpret this strain as a personal failing or as evidence that something is wrong with their child or their family. But when we step back and look at the bigger picture, a different pattern becomes visible. The challenges common in PG/2e families are usually not signs of dysfunction — they are predictable responses to complexity in systems that weren’t designed for our kids.
Over time, families adapt in different ways. Parents may find themselves stepping into roles like advocate, regulator, protector, or coordinator, while children develop their own ways of navigating the world, becoming justice seekers, negotiators, perfectionists, or intense feelers. Siblings often adapt too, sometimes by becoming helpers or the “easy” kid. These roles aren’t problems in themselves; they’re often creative, necessary responses to family dynamics. It’s only when they become rigid or all-consuming that they can begin to tax relationships and nervous systems.
Friction in daily life over things like mornings, homework, after-school decompression, and bedtime often reflects design mismatches rather than behavior problems. When expectations exceed a child’s capacity, control strategies tend to increase resistance rather than cooperation. Working with a child’s wiring, rather than against it, means rethinking routines, reducing cognitive load, and prioritizing regulation and connection over compliance.
Seeing family life as an ecosystem helps shift the focus away from fixing individuals and toward supporting the system. When families name what’s normal for them, clarify shared values, and make small, intentional adjustments to daily rhythms, life becomes more sustainable. Different doesn’t mean broken. It often means the system needs a better fit.
Tips
- Name what’s normal for your family: Identify patterns you’ve been judging — intensity, uneven development, frequent friction, ongoing advocacy — and consider whether they are common in PG/2e families. Naming this reduces shame and creates space for more compassionate responses.
- Watch for role overload: Notice who is carrying the most emotional, logistical, or advocacy weight. Roles are often adaptive, but when one person (whether a parent or a child) holds too much, the whole system feels it.
- Treat recurring friction as a design problem: When the same struggles show up day after day, ask what the environment is asking of your child’s nervous system. Small changes to routines, expectations, or pacing often reduce conflict more effectively than increased control.
- Work with wiring, not against it: Capacity depends on regulation, energy, and context. Simplifying routines, reducing transitions, and lowering cognitive load can create meaningful shifts without “fixing” anything.
- Clarify a few guiding values: When parenting feels hard, it helps to come back to your values. If connection, autonomy, rest, or emotional safety matter most to you, let those guide your responses instead of pressure or comparison.
- Make one small, aligned change: You don’t need a full reset. Choose one rhythm, one boundary, or one conversation to approach differently this week. Sustainable change happens through small adjustments over time.
Resources
Dr. Ross Greene on Using CPS (Collaborative and Proactive Solutions) with Very Young Kids (Tilt Parenting podcast episode)
Dr. Meryl Alper on Screens & Growing Up Autistic in the Digital Age (Tilt Parenting podcast episode)
Deb Dana on Befriending Our Nervous System Using Polyvagal Theory (Tilt Parenting podcast episode)
Dr. Laura Markham on Peacefully Parenting Siblings in Neurospicy Families (Tilt Parenting podcast episode)
Speaker Bio:
Debbie Reber is a parenting activist, author, speaker, and the founder of Tilt Parenting, a resource for parents raising neurodivergent children. Since launching Tilt in 2016, Debbie has championed a strengths-based approach that reframes how society supports differently wired kids. Her groundbreaking book, Differently Wired, is widely recommended by education and mental health professionals, and her Full-Tilt Parenting Podcast has 9+ million download. A certified coach and Positive Discipline trainer, Debbie has been featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, and on NewsNation, and is a three-time TEDx speaker. Before founding Tilt, Debbie spent over 15 years creating content for children and teens. She holds an MA in Media Studies from the New School for Social Research. An American, Debbie lives with her husband Derin and two cats in the Netherlands, while her neurodivergent young adult (and former Young Scholar) attends university in Scotland.
Permission Statement
This article is provided as a service of the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted young people 18 and under. To learn more about the Davidson Institute’s programs, please visit www.DavidsonGifted.org.
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