This article is adapted from Davidson Institute’s “Twice-Exceptionality: A Resource Guide for Parents”, part of our collection of free guidebooks for gifted and 2e families. For a deeper dive into supporting your twice-exceptional child, we encourage you to explore the full guide.
Advocating over a long period of time can be exhausting and frustrating. Rarely are changes made the first time a parent advocates for their child. It is common for parents to have to make several advocacy attempts before a simple change is made. You may hit a wall—an unyielding administrator, a teacher who doesn’t respond to emails or calls, a convoluted bureaucratic process. Even when changes are made, it seems like constant vigilance is needed to make sure those changes stay in place.
In these types of situations, burnout is bound to happen. What can you do in those moments?
It’s okay to take a break.
When you’re feeling burnt out, consider taking a step back and looking at how much energy and time you’ve been putting into advocating. Are you feeling burnt out because there is an imbalance in where you are putting your energy? Is there something outside of advocating that you feel needs more effort? Are you stretching yourself thin by putting energy into too many things? Is there something that you could cut back on temporarily?
Sometimes what has to give is your level of involvement in the advocacy process. Are you too close to the situation? Taking a step back may help you do better work in the future.
A break can mean different things. In some instances, it may mean holding off on sending (another) reminder email; perhaps you wait ten days to see if a reply comes through. In other cases, you may decide that you’re not going to set up any meetings or communicate with the school for a month. If you’ve been focusing on academics, you could speak with your child about other areas that might make the overall school situation better, such as social connections or extracurriculars; could your child benefit from you supporting him or her in those areas? Look at the calendar. How close to the end of the school year are you? Can you finish out the year as is and start fresh in the fall? Some families also decide to pull their child from school for a few weeks, a semester, or a year to regroup, reconnect, and try something new as a family.
Taking a break can seem like a risky decision. There may be factors at play that make it impossible to take a break—like a situation where a child is being physically bullied or when an IEP process is on a timeline. However, you might zoom out and look at the big picture. What are you and your child going to lose if you take a break for a few days, a couple of weeks, or a month? What could you both gain with that time?
Take a fresh look at your team.
If it’s a particular obstacle you are facing, perhaps there is someone else you can reach out to for support. Look at the people in your network and the possible people who could help. Is there another person you could add to the team who might be able to work around this obstacle?
Sometimes this means taking the situation to the next level. If you have been only working with teachers, it’s time to involve an administrator or counselor. If you have been working at the school level, move on to the district level.
Other times, it means looking for support outside of school. Are there outside professionals or community members who could help? Is there a gifted group, a learning difference association or another organization that could offer guidance? The professional field of help is also vast and varied. Could your child try a new type of therapy or assistance?
Finally, it is also important to recognize that parents need a support network. How can you broaden and strengthen your own support structure?
Reflect and focus.
When your advocacy efforts aren’t achieving the desired result, you may need to reevaluate your strategy. Is there another path to your goal? Is there a goal that is more achievable in this moment that may get you partway to your overall objective?
You may decide that there needs to be a bigger shift. This may mean looking at different school options or looking at alternative education paths (discussed in Section G). It can be scary to consider such options. However, many families in the 2e community do successfully pivot every year.
Finally, sometimes burnout happens because parents doubt themselves. But you can do this! You have raised an amazing child for many years, and bringing up a child who is 2e isn’t always easy. Advocacy can be overwhelming, confusing, and just plain hard. Reflect on what you have learned and your successes along the way.
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