This article is adapted from Davidson Institute’s “Twice-Exceptionality: A Resource Guide for Parents”, part of our collection of free guidebooks for gifted and 2e families. For a deeper dive into supporting your twice-exceptional child, we encourage you to explore the full guide.
As you examine your child’s education, it can be difficult to distinguish between temporary rough patches and larger problems. All children have bad days. Many children may have classes they aren’t engaged in, have teachers they don’t gel with or have disagreements with other students. They may mess up assignments or fail to turn in something on time now and then. When children share some trouble at school, the parent instinct is often to jump in and try to fix things. Sometimes, though, children just need some validation and space. When a child says, “Ugg… school sucks,” sometimes all she needs to hear is, “Yeah, bad days are the worst.”
For children who are 2e, some challenges may be part of the typical experience and are to be expected. But other times, there are larger issues where parent involvement is necessary. How do you know whether this situation is a fleeting nuisance or something more serious? Below are some questions that may help you parse the two.
Is this a developmental issue?
As children grow and change, there may be times when their struggles will be solved by time. For example, many kindergarteners are going to talk out of turn, not sit still for extended periods of time and be off task. Increased focus and sustained attention are, for some, issues of development. The asynchronous development that many children who are 2e may experience can complicate matters. In these situations, it may be helpful to compare your child’s behavior to that of several age peers. Is the behavior that unusual?
Environmental factors can also come into play. For example, many children will stumble a bit when they transition from elementary to middle school. In middle school, many children, for the first time, are transitioning between multiple classrooms daily, juggling different teachers’ styles and expectations, taking on a heavier homework load and taking more responsibility for their school items (textbooks, pencils, notebooks). In the first semester of middle school, most children will be late to a few classes, forget to bring a textbook to class and miss a couple deadlines. Neither of these examples automatically means that there is a larger issue.
Is this concern present in multiple areas of a child’s life?
Asking this question can narrow down whether this issue needs a small intervention or a more global strategy. For example, a child that has problems paying attention in history class but doesn’t have issues in other classes may just need a change in routine or strategy in that class. This is an issue that may be solved by brainstorming solutions with your child. Maybe the class is right before lunch, and your child needs a snack. Perhaps the child is seated next to other students who talk consistently through class. However, if a child struggles with paying attention in multiple environments (such as different classes, during family dinners and when hanging out with groups of friends), the issue may deserve more attention and a consistent strategy.
Is this a persistent issue?
Are you noticing a trend? If this is an issue that has been occurring for a good amount of time (perhaps 6-8 weeks) or it’s starting to occur more frequently (perhaps becoming a weekly or a daily problem), then this may be worth investigating further. Of course, some issues that pop up are severe enough to warrant attention, which brings us to the next question.
How big is the impact?
If your child is mildly annoyed by something, this may just be a pet peeve. However, if this is frequently resulting in meltdowns or another severe reaction, perhaps it’s time to step in. It’s important to keep in mind that not all children display reactions externally; some children will internalize crises.
What is at the root?
Are there contributing factors that need to be addressed first? Sometimes what might be seen as an issue is the most noticeable effect of some deeper challenge. For example, if a child is falling asleep in class, some may first think that this child is bored, disrespectful or lazy. But perhaps there’s a greater issue. What does the child’s sleep pattern look like? Is the child getting enough nutrition at the right parts of the day? Is there a learning difference coming into play? Could there be a medical issue? Are this child’s strengths and talents being utilized? Any of these factors may lead to falling asleep in class.
These questions aren’t always easy to answer. It can be difficult to know what exactly is happening with children and the source of their troubles. In those instances, it can be helpful to keep the lines of communication open—the lines with your child, the school and the other people that work with your child.
Go with your gut. If you feel something is wrong, investigate.
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