The following article expands on highlights and insights from one of our Expert Series events, which are exclusive for Young Scholars and their parents.
Authored by: Julie Withrow, Host of the Exceptional Girls Podcast.
Summary
Sometimes people have ideas about gifted girls that aren’t accurate or fair. For example, they may think that you have it easy, never struggle, always feel confident, or have everything figured out.
But these are myths, not truth. The reality is that many gifted girls experience perfectionism, anxiety, self-doubt, and a whole lot of negative self-talk.
You probably don’t pay that much attention to how you’re talking to yourself. But your inner voice has the power to either help you or hold you back.
That’s why you need an inner voice that’s working for you instead of against you. That voice is your Inner Ally
Tips:
Tip #1: Get to Know Your Inner Team
The Scientist: Curious and non-judgmental; observes and gathers information; asks questions like: “What can I learn from this?” “What could I try differently next time?”
The Coach: Encouraging and supportive; believes in you even when you don’t believe in yourself; says things like: “You’ve done hard things before, you can do this, too.” “You don’t have to be perfect, just try your best.”
The Critic: Protective and cautious; judgmental and fault-finding; says things like: “Don’t even try. It’s safer not to.” “How embarrassing! You should know this already.” Note: the Critic isn’t always negative, though, can also be helpful by saying things like: “You can do better if you just try a little harder.”
- PAUSE: Notice which inner voice is talking (often it’s the Critic)
- PICK: Choose the voice that will be most helpful. Usually, this is the Coach or Scientist. Use the Critic carefully.
- PRACTICE: Listen and take one small brave step.
Tip #2: Use the 3Ps Reset
When you’re feeling stuck in a spiral of worry, perfectionism, or anxiety, the 3 Ps Reset can help you break free:
Tip #3: Remember You Are in Control
Things Students Can do to Explore This Topic Further…
- Perfectionism vs. healthy striving (how to keep your standards without being mean to yourself)
- Self-compassion (treating yourself the way you’d treat a good friend)
- Masking and people pleasing (how to feel safe being yourself)
- Asynchronous development (being advanced in some areas but not in others)
- Cognitive distortions (common thought traps like all-or-nothing thinking and mind reading)
- Friendship, belonging, and identity (how to find “your people” while staying true to yourself)
Resources
For more information, ideas, and inspiration, here are some resources to check out:
Books
- The Ultimate Self-Esteem Workbook for Teens: Overcome Insecurity, Defeat Your Inner Critic, and Live Confidently, by Megan MacCutcheon, LPC, PMH-C
- Happy Confident Me Daily Journal, by Nadim Saad & Annabel Rosenhead
- The Confidence Code for Girls, by Katty Kay & Claire Shipman
- What to Do When Good Enough Isn’t Good Enough: The Real Deal on Perfectionism, by Thomas S. Greenspon, Ph.D., LP, LMFT
- What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to Overcoming Anxiety, by Dawn Huebner, PhD
- How to Train Your Amygdala, by Anna Housley Juster, PhD, LICSW
Videos
- The Gift that Keeps on Giving: A Talk on Self-Compassion by Malavika Eby: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g9MXEiFaAPk
- Is Perfectionism Just Procrastination in Disguise? By Jon Youshaei: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CPszftsUGVM
- 3 Tips to Boost Your Confidence from TedED: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l_NYrWqUR40
- Mindfulness Meditations from GoZen!: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL74fOsUPmepxeNuIISeiL3W_Or4gjDUj8
- Got Negative Thoughts? From GoZen!: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-dMPXBl7yA
Websites
- self-compassion.org: Simple practices you can try in minutes; great for building a kinder inner voice and recovering faster after mistakes.
- org: A teen-friendly hub with step-by-step frameworks, stories, and resources focused on self-compassion and self-talk.
- ted.com: Short, high-quality, engaging animated lessons on inner voice, confidence, mindset, self-talk, emotions, identity, and how the brain works.
Speaker Bio:
Julie Withrow is the creator and host of the Exceptional Girls Podcast, a show dedicated to understanding the needs of gifted and twice-exceptional girls. After spending years navigating her own 2e daughter’s journey, Julie was inspired to create the resource she wished she’d had. Each episode blends research-backed insights with real-world stories as Julie interviews experts in psychology, education, and parenting to explore how neurodivergence uniquely presents in girls. Through education and advocacy, she’s on a mission to ensure exceptional girls feel seen, supported, and celebrated so they can reach their full potential. Julie also brings more than 25 years of experience as a technology marketing leader to her work. She earned her B.A. in English from Northern Illinois University and has completed graduate coursework in learning differences at Landmark College and Bridges Graduate School for Cognitive Diversity.
Permission Statement
This article is provided as a service of the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted young people 18 and under. To learn more about the Davidson Institute’s programs, please visit www.DavidsonGifted.org.
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