This article is adapted from Davidson Institute’s “Mentoring Guidebook”, part of our collection of free guidebooks for gifted and 2e families. For a deeper dive into supporting your gifted or twice-exceptional child, we encourage you to explore the full guide.
Before embarking on the process of locating the appropriate person and making a commitment to a mentoring partnership, it is important to consider your feelings as a parent and your child’s readiness for the endeavor. You may be asking why your child would need a mentor when he/she has a loving, supportive parent such as yourself who goes above and beyond to provide ample opportunities for learning. Although this reaction is perfectly understandable, it may subside after becoming aware of potential benefits that your child may gain from participating in a mentoring relationship. Here are some thoughts to consider:
- Students of a high caliber need challenge and stimulation in their areas of interest. A mentoring partnership can address these needs by a professional or student in the field working directly with your child, providing enriching material related to your child’s interest at an accelerated pace.
- A mentor can provide immediate and personal feedback to your child and allow her/him to work at her/his own pace.
- A mentor may offer opportunities to develop connections, professional relationships and become part of a network of individuals who share common interests.
- By working in such a network, your child may be exposed to related fields that were previously unknown and have the ability to expand his/her curiosity and learn about the newfound topics.
- Developing a mentoring partnership may help to build your child’s self-confidence, increase their academic motivation, communication skills, and help to affirm their goals for the future.
Would your child benefit from a mentoring partnership?
Once you believe that you are ready for your child to embark on the journey of developing a mentoring partnership, your next step is to consider whether your child would benefit from such a connection. Students who might find a mentorship advantageous:
- have a keen interest or desire to explore a subject or profession in depth.
- Need more stimulation in certain subject areas or interests than they are currently experiencing.
- Enjoy working in a one-on-one or small group setting with personal guidance and feedback.
If you believe your child would benefit from working with a mentor, the next step is to consider whether your child has the traits and characteristics that he/she will need to be a successful mentee.
Is your child ready for a mentor?
It is typical for precocious young people to seek additional information about topics that interest them. A mentoring partnership is one avenue students can pursue. As positive as such an experience may sound, your child needs to have significant responsibilities in the partnership to make it successful for both parties. In order to be sure your child is ready to make such a commitment, there are many points to consider.
- First and foremost, has your child expressed interest in beginning a mentoring partnership? Does your child want to work with a mentor? Does your child understand the level of commitment involved in a mentoring partnership? Typically this commitment involves regular communication with a professional or student in the area of interest and the completion of a facilitated project to enrich the child’s interest. If your child does not desire this type of commitment, a contact person, tutor or “buddy” that shares the same interests may be more beneficial.
- After concluding that your child has interest, you can discuss what your child would hope to gain from such a relationship. There are an endless number of possibilities depending on your child’s interests, who the mentor is and what project is established.
- With outlined goals in mind, consider your child’s temperament and what kind of person would work well with her/him.
- Also take into account your child’s age and maturity level. Ask yourself how your child interacts with adults. Is he/she able to effectively communicate with adults?
- When considering which setting would enable your child to be the most successful, keep in mind whether he/she would be capable of maintaining a partnership solely through email or if he/she is prepared to spend a great deal of time with the mentor.
- Determine whether your child has the level of responsibility needed to support his/her side of the partnership. Does he/she have the responsibility to fulfill the commitment that a professional or college student would expect from a mentee?
- Finally, assess your willingness to assist your child in making a mentoring partnership successful. Is she/he independent enough to maintain a mentoring relationship on her/his own or are you going to have to help facilitate contact or remind her/him of expectations? Are you willing to do so?
- Of course, for safety purposes, as a parent you should monitor each step of the mentoring partnership between your child and the adult. How much monitoring are you willing to do?
Ideal characteristics of a mentee
In order to further consider your child’s preparedness to delve into such a partnership, look over the following ideal characteristics of mentees to establish if your child is capable of meeting such criteria.
- • A certain level of developmental maturity.
- Immense curiosity.
- Willingness to ask questions.
- Ability to initiate and participate in discussion.
- Ability to accept praise and constructive criticism well.
- A positive attitude.
- High degree of responsibility.
- Eagerness to explore new topics and broaden capabilities.
Important Considerations for parents
If you and your child decide a mentorship would be a good fit, the next step is to search for potential mentors. Before embarking on this search you should take the following points into consideration.
Supervision
Supervision is an essential part of a safe mentorship. It is recommended that the mentor relationship be constructed such that the mentee is never in a situation where his/her safety may be compromised. Agreed upon practices are important things to consider during the interview process. You may want to discuss your expectations with the potential mentor. For example, the mentor and the mentee must not be left alone; the mentor won’t leave until the child/adolescent has transportation home, etc.
Financial considerations
Establishing a protocol for financial considerations right from the beginning can significantly reduce the potential for misunderstandings. Deciding who will cover costs such as lab fees, materials, telephone calls, copier fees, computer usage fees, etc. should be agreed upon at the onset of the relationship. Compensation for the mentor should also be discussed. Most mentoring experiences are done on a volunteer basis; however, making this assumption can lead to a potentially embarrassing situation.
Meeting times
Although it may seem premature to discuss a meeting schedule during an interview, it is essential to make sure that both parties have time to work together on a project. If the only time the mentor has time to meet is Tuesday afternoons, and the mentee has other commitments on that day that cannot be changed, then it is likely that the mentee is going to have to make a choice. It’s also important to discuss communication. Is the mentor available via email or phone between meetings? How often can the mentor meet? In addition, establishing guidelines for handling cancelled meetings, last-minute changes, etc. can help to establish a solid mentor relationship.
Legal protection
The scope of all the possible mentor relationships is so vast that is impossible to cover all legal contingencies that could arise. We recommend that you seek legal counsel if you have questions. However, as part of the interview process, it is essential to discuss, what intellectual and/or physical property will belong to the company/university or the mentor and what will belong to the mentee. In addition, if the mentee is working in an arena where confidentiality is an issue, he/she needs to fully understand what this means and what is acceptable to discuss outside the mentor/mentee relationship.
Safety and release forms
Laboratories and many other places of business often have safety procedures in place. Individuals working in these environments have most likely been given extensive safety training. During the interview, investigate potential safety issues and training requirements and establish a process to ensure the mentee has the appropriate safety equipment and has signed the necessary release forms.
Ethics
Mentors and mentees are visitors to each other’s worlds. Every care should be taken to ensure that neither person is compromised intellectually, physically, or morally. Although it may seem uncomfortable to talk about this with the mentor, awareness of what is acceptable and what is unacceptable behavior is important.
Screening potential mentors
Another option you may consider is conducting a professional screening as part of the selection process. School districts require drug checks, references and criminal record checks where it is legal to do so. The National Mentoring Partnership recommends a face-to-face interview and a home visit, character references, a child/adolescent abuse registry check, driving record check, and criminal record check where legally permissible. Contact your local law enforcement agency for information regarding what is legal to ask in your area, how to go about the decided-upon checks, and any other suggestions they may have.
Preparing for the next step
The decision to establish a mentoring partnership has to be a joint venture between you and your child. Although you may feel that you are prepared and your child has what it takes, he/she must ultimately make the commitment and take responsibility for the partnership. Peruse this guidebook with your child so the two of you can gain a deeper understanding of mentorships together. Discuss with your child the available options and make a list of questions, concerns, and needs that both you and your child have before contacting potential mentors. Then, let the journey begin!
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