This article is adapted from Davidson Institute’s “Mentoring Guidebook”, part of our collection of free guidebooks for gifted and 2e families. For a deeper dive into supporting your gifted or twice-exceptional child, we encourage you to explore the full guide.
Expected characteristics of a successful mentee
A mentor relationship involves a large amount of commitment and responsibility. Professionals who typically take on the roles of mentors have high expectations for their protégés. In addition to the ideal characteristics of a mentee listed in the previous section, the following is a sampling of what mentors may expect from a prospective mentee.
- Students who are prepared to spend a significant amount of time (as determined by the student and mentor) working on the objectives of the mentorship, such as the project, reading, and assignments.
- A level of maturity to handle frustrations and obstacles successfully.
- A dedication to see the mentorship through to the end. The partnership will not be successful if the mentee changes his/her mind part-way through the project and it will most likely discourage the mentor from participating in that type of relationship again.
- A respectful attitude for the mentor’s time; understanding that the mentor is probably very busy with his/her own professional and personal commitments.
- An ability to be responsible for managing time and project deadlines along with simultaneous obligations.
- A great amount of enthusiasm geared toward the subject at hand
- A clear understanding and distinction between the mentee’s role, the mentor’s role and the parents’ role.
- Ability to ask questions and request help when necessary; this is a key characteristic because the mentor will expect to guide the mentee’s discoveries.
Finding a mentor
Locating a mentor has the potential to be the most difficult component in the mentoring process. The time commitment involved makes many adults hesitant to volunteer for this type of partnership due to their already demanding schedules. To increase the likelihood of success in a search, it is recommended that parents and students use the networks available to them to find a mentor. For example:
- A potential mentor may be a personal contact.
- A member of a social circle may know someone who would be willing to participate in a mentoring partnership.
- Professional networking may also make locating a mentor a success
It is important that the student be willing to assist in locating the mentor. This shows he/she is ready to take on the responsibility and is dedicated to making the effort it will need to be a success. Students and parents may also want to contact personnel at the following organizations for assistance in locating a mentor:
- A professional group or industry association will have members that are interested and knowledgeable in their given subject area.
- A practicing professional in the field will be able to offer current information that may be pertinent in the field of study.
- On the other hand, a retired professional would be able to provide an extensive, reflective attitude for the subject.
- A professor or student at a local college (or one further away willing to participate in a mentoring relationship online) would have experience in the field, and also may be able to help make connections.
- An online community with similar interests may have participants interested in being a mentor.
- Clergy and congregations might also provide guidance in finding a mentor.
- National organizations and associations are also able to assist in a search for mentors. Such organizations include:
It is possible that mentors may be more responsive to contact initiated by a student, rather than a parent. This increases the likelihood that the student is ready for a mentoring relationship, not just that the parent(s) think he/she is ready.
Characteristics to look for in a mentor
While searching for a mentor, parents and students also need to carefully consider what characteristics will work well with the student interested in the mentorship based on the child’s temperament, communication skills, and ultimate goals of the partnership. There are also ideal characteristics that mentors should possess:
- First and foremost, an interest in working with and supporting a bright, motivated young person.
- A willingness to provide guidance, support, encouragement and direction for the student and his/her proposed project.
- Can foster an open environment in which the student feels comfortable and can participate in discussions and ask questions.
- Ability to display patience and is a person of high integrity.
- Ability to provide constructive feedback and suggestions on the mentee’s projects and skills.
- Possesses great knowledge and interest in the area of study chosen for the mentorship.
- The capacity to be flexible when working with the student.
- Willingness to work with a student outside of professional and personal obligations.
- Someone who has shown responsibility in his/her achievements.
You may also want to consider a mentor who:
- Provides students ample opportunity to develop their research skills.
- Recognizes and validates a student’s professional growth and development.
- Assists the mentee in developing a professional network of individuals.
- Maintains confidentiality about the student.
- Devotes time to one-on-one discussion with the mentee.
- Has earned the respect of peers, the organization, and/or the community.
- Expresses a desire to help others and share experiences and expertise.
While the above characteristics are all important to keep in mind, it should also be known what a mentor is NOT:
- Someone who will only answer basic questions about a topic that have the potential of being answered by further research.
- Someone who is interested in making decisions about parenting the child.
- Someone to baby-sit or be solely responsible for the child.
Safety tips to consider
When beginning any new relationship there are issues concerning safety which need to be addressed. This is especially true when a young person is going to be in close contact with an adult. There are actions that both parents and students can take to ensure the mentoring relationship proceeds safely and successfully.
- You may consider learning more about running a background check on an individual who has volunteered to be a mentor. Contact your local police department for more information.
- Meeting in public places is a simple way to eliminate the element of seclusion during contact.
- Parents should monitor phone, email, and face-to-face contact.
- Students and parents need to maintain an open line of communication so concerns can be discussed and addressed as they arise.
Interviewing tips
Once you have located a potential mentor, an interview should be arranged. At this point, parents need to be actively involved. The interview is a way for each participant to learn more about each other and determine if the mentor relationship would be a good fit. Keep in mind that every candidate will have both strengths and weaknesses. Utilize this time with the potential mentor to gain knowledge of his/her background and experience. To help guide your interview, we have included a list of suggested questions below. This list is not meant to be exhaustive, but merely to serve as a guide. We have also included some important points for consideration in “Are You Ready for Your Child to Have a Mentor?”
Suggested interview questions
- How did you become interested in your area of expertise?
- Do you have any prior experience with mentoring (either as a mentor or mentee)?
- How long have you been in your current position?
- How would you describe your teaching style?
- Why are you interested in becoming a mentor?
- Do you consider yourself comfortable working with children/adolescents?
- What kinds of activities or plans do you envision for your relationship with your mentee?
- Are you comfortable with generating new questions for the mentee to pursue?
- How comfortable are you with providing constructive criticism?
- What would you do if your mentee became frustrated and discouraged with a project that you had been working on together?
- How long do you see yourself working with this child/adolescent?
- How much time do you think you will be able to realistically dedicate to this relationship?
- Is there anything else you would like to tell us about yourself, your work or your ability to work with this mentee?
Making the relationship meaningful
- Welcome the opportunity to be mentored.
- Know yourself, your strengths and your challenges.
- Understand mentoring is a professional relationship that should benefit both you and your mentor. He/she may be the senior partner, but the relationship can still be reciprocal.
- Define your relationship together, including how often and how long you will meet. Stay within the set parameters.
- Respect your mentor’s time. Except for unusual situations that cannot wait, save questions for your scheduled meeting or discuss the mentor’s expectations for communication between meetings.
- Stay organized to make the most of your sessions. Keep a notebook binder with the following categories: Mentor Questions, My Action Plan, Mentor Notes/Emails, Items for Discussion and Meeting Notes.
- Be prepared. Do the research. Know your mentor. Know what you want to learn or explore.
- If you are given an assignment, get it done on time and make it ready to present in a professional way.
- Keep your mentor informed about your work, your goals, and your achievements.
- Be early for meetings. If you can afford it, pay for any meals or beverages served during your meeting. Even if your mentor is Bill Gates, don’t expect your mentor to pick up the check.
- Be open minded. You may get feedback you do not like. Take it in the spirit in which it was given.
- Ask for criticism and challenges. Apply the feedback or advice your mentor offers and let her/him know the results.
- Share your appreciation. Your mentor is giving up precious time and sharing valuable knowledge with you.
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