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Existential depression in gifted individuals

This article by James Webb discusses existential depression among gifted young people. He examines what it is, how it may manifest in a gifted child, and what a parent can do to help their child through these difficult feelings. He points out that gifted young people are more likely to have this type of depression because of their more highly developed sensitivities.
  • Topics
    • Social/Emotional Development: Psychological
  • Author
    Webb, J.
  • Publisher
    Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted (SENG)

It has been my experience that gifted and talented persons are more likely to experience a type of depression referred to as existential depression. Although an episode of existential depression may be precipitated in anyone by a major loss or the threat of a loss which highlights the transient nature of life, persons of higher intellectual ability are more prone to experience existential depression spontaneously. Sometimes this existential depression is tied into the positive disintegration experience referred to by Dabrowski (1996).

Existential depression is a depression that arises when an individual confronts certain basic issues of existence. Yalom (1980) describes four such issues (or "ultimate concerns")--death, freedom, isolation and meaninglessness. Death is an inevitable occurrence. Freedom, in an existential sense, refers to the absence of external structure. That is, humans do not enter a world which is inherently structured. We must give the world a structure which we ourselves create. Isolation recognizes that no matter how close we become to another person, a gap always remains, and we are nonetheless alone. Meaninglessness stems from the first three. If we must die, if we construct our own world, and if each of us is ultimately alone, then what meaning does life have?

Why should such existential concerns occur disproportionately among gifted persons? Partially, it is because substantial thought and reflection must occur to even consider such notions, rather than simply focusing on superficial day-to-day aspects of life. Other more specific characteristics of gifted children are important predisposers as well.

Because gifted children are able to consider the possibilities of how things might be, they tend to be idealists. However, they are simultaneously able to see that the world is falling short of how it might be. Because they are intense, gifted children feel keenly the disappointment and frustration which occurs when ideals are not reached. Similarly, these youngsters quickly spot the inconsistencies, arbitrariness and absurdities in society and in the behaviors of those around them. Traditions are questioned or challenged. For example, why do we put such tight sex-role or age-role restrictions on people? Why do people engage in hypocritical behaviors in which they say one thing and then do another? Why do people say things they really do not mean at all? Why are so many people so unthinking and uncaring in their dealings with others? How much difference in the world can one person's life make?

When gifted children try to share these concerns with others, they are usually met with reactions ranging from puzzlement to hostility. They discover that others, particularly of their age, clearly do not share these concerns, but instead are focused on more concrete issues and on fitting in with others' expectations. Often by even first grade, these youngsters, particularly the more highly gifted ones, feel isolated from their peers and perhaps from their families as they find that others are not prepared to discuss such weighty concerns.

When their intensity is combined with multi-potentiality, these youngsters become particularly frustrated with the existential limitations of space and time. There simply aren't enough hours in the day to develop all of the talents that many of these children have. Making choices among the possibilities is indeed arbitrary; there is no "ultimately right" choice. Even choosing a vocation can be difficult if one is trying to make a career decision between essentially equal passion, talents and potential in violin, neurology, theoretical mathematics and international relations.

The reaction of gifted youngsters (again with intensity) to these frustrations is often one of anger. But they quickly discover that their anger is futile, for it is really directed at "fate" or at other matters which they are not able to control. Anger that is powerless evolves quickly into depression.

In such depression, gifted children typically try to find some sense of meaning, some anchor point which they can grasp to pull themselves out of the mire of "unfairness." Often, though, the more they try to pull themselves out, the more they become acutely aware that their life is finite and brief, that they are alone and are only one very small organism in a quite large world, and that there is a frightening freedom regarding how one chooses to live one's life. It is at this point that they question life's meaning and ask, "Is this all there is to life? Is there not ultimate meaning? Does life only have meaning if I give it meaning? I am a small, insignificant organism who is alone in an absurd, arbitrary and capricious world where my life can have little impact, and then I die. Is this all there is?"

Such concerns are not too surprising in thoughtful adults who are going through mid-life crises. However, it is a matter of great concern when these existential questions are foremost in the mind of a twelve or fifteen year old. Such existential depressions deserve careful attention, since they can be precursors to suicide.

How can we help our bright youngsters cope with these questions? We cannot do much about the finiteness of our existence. However, we can help youngsters learn to feel that they are understood and not so alone and that there are ways to manage their freedom and their sense of isolation.

The isolation is helped to a degree by simply communicating to the youngster that someone else understands the issues that he/she is grappling with. Even though your experience is not exactly the same as mine, I feel far less alone if I know that you have had experiences that are reasonably similar. This is why relationships are so extremely important in the long-term adjustment of gifted children (Webb, Meckstroth and Tolan, 1982).

A particular way of breaking through the sense of isolation is through touch. In the same way that infants need to be held and touched, so do persons who are experiencing existential aloneness. Touch seems to be a fundamental and instinctual aspect of existence, as evidenced by mother-infant bonding or "failure to thrive" syndrome. Often, I have "prescribed" daily hugs for a youngster suffering existential depression and have advised parents of reluctant teenagers to say, "I know that you may not want a hug, but I need a hug." A hug, a touch on the arm, playful jostling, or even a "high five" can be very important to such a youngster, because it establishes at least some physical connection.

The issues and choices involved in managing one's freedom are more intellectual, as opposed to the reassuring aspects of touch as a sensory solution to an emotional crisis. Gifted children who feel overwhelmed by the myriad choices of an unstructured world can find a great deal of comfort in studying and exploring alternate ways in which other people have structured their lives. Through reading about people who have chosen specific paths to greatness and fulfillment, these youngsters can begin to use bibliotherapy as a method of understanding that choices are merely forks in the road of life, each of which can lead them to their own sense of fulfillment and accomplishment (Halsted, 1994). We all need to build our own personal philosophy of beliefs and values which will form meaningful frameworks for our lives.

It is such existential issues that lead many of our gifted individuals to bury themselves so intensively in "causes" (whether these causes are academics, political or social causes, or cults). Unfortunately, these existential issues can also prompt periods of depression, often mixed with desperate, thrashing attempts to "belong." Helping these individuals to recognize the basic existential issues may help, but only if done in a kind and accepting way. In addition, these youngsters will need to understand that existential issues are not ones that can be dealt with only once, but rather ones that will need frequent revisiting and reconsideration.

In essence, then, we can help many persons with existential depressions if we can get them to realize that they are not so alone and if we can encourage them to adopt the message of hope written by the African-American poet, Langston Hughes:

    Hold fast to dreams,
    For if dreams die,
    Life is a broken-winged bird
    That cannot fly.

    Hold fast to dreams.
    For if dreams go,
    Life is a barren field
    Covered with snow.

    Langston Hughes

References

Dabrowski, K. (1966). The Theory of Positive Disintegration. International Journal of Psychiatry, 2(2), 229-244.

Halsted, J. (1994). Some of My Best Friends Are Books: Guiding Gifted Readers from Pre-School through High School. Scottsdale, AZ: Gifted Psychology Press, Inc. (Formerly Ohio Psychology Press).

Webb, J. T., Meckstroth, E. A. and Tolan, S. S. (1982). Guiding the Gifted Child: A Practical Source for Parents and Teachers. Scottsdale, AZ: Gifted Psychology Press, Inc. (formerly Ohio Psychology Press).

Yalom, I. D. (1980). Existential Psychotherapy. New York: Basic Books.

Permission Statement

Permission to reprint this article has been granted to the Davidson Institute for Talent Development by Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted (SENG).

This article is provided as a service of the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted young people 18 and under. To learn more about the Davidson Institute’s programs, please visit www.DavidsonGifted.org.

Comments

Student on 1/21/2021
In the least conceited way possible, I believe I'm probably somewhere in the upper percentiles in terms of intelligence. Though I fundamentally disagree with the notion of quantifying a person's "intelligence" through something as narrow as an IQ test, or even school performance. But anyway, I have experienced a lot of what's described in this article on a daily basis for most of my life, with increasing intensity, until this point in time where I am beginning to feel that it is too much to handle. Some minds ultimately aren't compatible with the world, I think. I'm confident that when the time comes for this to be over, I'll probably be feeling very little emotionally, which will probably be the closest I've ever come to peace. Looking forward to that.
Student on 1/20/2021
I’m 14, and I feel like I spend so much time thinking about this, I’m wasting my childhood. Which is fun because the thoughts make me realize I have to throw it away anyway to do what I want to do in life. I feel like i’ve convinced myself that I’ve got an anchor point to keep me going, but I’m not sure I do. I do horribly with completing homework, the starting part not the doing, and to spend all my time thinking it is a necessary evil to go to college and get a good job as a principle after I do some actual teaching makes me hate how futile it is. I could be the best teacher in the world and still have to waste 20 years of my life in an inneficient persuit of trivial knowledge. All of these overwhelming thoughts have made me contemplate the simplicity of death which I believe ends your conscience and erases any thought. I personally feel that would be just as good as what my life is now. However, I could never kill myself because it would hurt others. I just feel overwhelmed and so lonely. This is going to sound really cringey, but I fell in love with someone and they broke up with me. I’m over that now, but I spend hours each day thinking how that would simplify my life if it was current. When you spend all your time thinking about how to make her the happiest she can be, you find meaning, and you don’t have room for thoughts about yourself. I don’t currently feel this way about anyone in my life right now. I spend so much time hoping I did that I’ve tried to force myself to feel that way about other people. I just think that the other kids here will be able to grasp meaning from this, unlike everyone else in my life. Nicolal#0338
Other on 1/20/2021
At 30 this article makes me feel so understood. Thank you. I think the following would also be common: realization of the immense suffering in the world, and because of that, the possibility that it would be better never to exist than to live. I can say for those younger reading this, life has only gotten better with age. I have had so many happy moments where it has been wonderful to be alive. I have had fewer and fewer moments of angst and despair. You learn to take care of yourself, enjoy what you have and the volume gets turned down on the angst. The confusing nature of the world and your small part in it becomes a reason to do what you think is right with less fear for the consequences, because you understand it is impossible to know the exact best action. You realize that just as others have rose colored glasses to ignore the bad, when feeling depressed you have your own tinted glasses that amplify the bad. I can have large fluctuations in mood, and I have also learned that when I am down it is best for me to be kind and wait it out - and especially not engage in conflict with others that I might regret later. Be kind to yourself and others. Be reasonably sure in a decision and then give it your best shot - further anxiety will not help you find the perfect answer. When you feel happy, stop for a moment and acknowledge it. Get enough sleep. Eat a whole food plant based diet. Take time to exercise and choose an active hobby. If you’re not sure, don’t worry too much about your first choice of college or work. Just do what seems like the right decision at the time and trust yourself to adapt in the future. Take care of yourself and life will continue to improve.
Student on 1/20/2021
i am 14, and i don't really think that i am 'gifted'. maybe i am; maybe i'm not. they say that i'm good at writing and thinks deeply, but i guess that's all there is. i do achieve good awards often tho haha. anyways, i spent too much time contemplating about these things about life, death, freedom, etc. and tho some wanted to have mind that has vast knowledge n such, i sometimes wish i didn't have this brain. if only things were simpler. lmao. i wanted to belong. don't get me wrong—i have few close friends. but i do often think that even tho we're close, they felt far. man, they're bunch of dreamers. with bright futures ahead of them. living their best lives. and here i am; i can't even picture my own future. i can't imagine myself tying my eternity into a career. it's just,, weird. i don't even think that i have a future myself. i do not know when, but one day i just woke up and i was like, "ah, i'll die before 25." i don't understand why i felt that i'll die young either. the expectations from everyone around me for my future seems glowing, but for me, the homosapien herself, sees nothing but an endless abyss ahead of me. ah, i just hope i'd be able to be fulfilled soon. i know well that life is indeed short, and college isn't the end. i hope i'd live my life where i can feel fulfillment, and have the freedom i longed for. i don't wanna tie my eternity doing only nothing but my job.
Student on 1/20/2021
Glad to see that these thoughts are not unique, I am 23, and like most of you, I’ve somewhat struggled with these emotions throughout my life. I wrote “glad” in the first sentence, not necessarily because I’m glad that I’m not alone, as much as I am glad that there are more that share this sentiment, because I think that we are not in the wrong, and that is what hurts the most, for how can we be so right but also so wrong at the same time. For me this is what I struggle with the most (as probably apparent in the initial lines), Duality. The duality of life, or rather the way some of us look at it. I LOVE life, but just as much I hate TIME, I see myself pursuing all trades, for “everything” in life is beautiful and there is so much to do and learn, and yet, the people that most fascinate me are the ones that take their ONE purpose, dream, or profession to new heights, the ones that get enveloped in their world, from any discipline, they fascinate me. In this article this precise quote is what touches me “particularly frustrated with the existential limitations of space and time.”, for I want to be them, every single one of them, I want to be the best artist, the best engineer (my trait), the best dancer, the best athlete, the best cook, the best musician, the best fisherman, even the world greatest homeless man. I don’t want to be “the jack of all traits, master of none”, I want to be the “master of all”. But alas, time is finite, and brain memory our greatest enemy, for knowledge is ingrate, the amount of knowledge that went through me and is no longer there haunts me every debate. This is where duality surges again, the realization of the impossible dream, the abandonment of idealism and the rise of ruthless logical perspective accompanied by all the unfortunate world realities (world poverty, dictatorships, etc.) leave me in a “child tantrum” like state: “if I can’t do it all, I’m not doing anything”, this is the lowest point for me, the suppression and forfeit of existence. Only then, with calm and deep reflection and observation of other people’s feelings, the recognition that everyone is alike and shares most of the same feelings of doubt, insecurity, and “main character syndrome”, do I come to my senses, leaving me in a nihilistic, wet noodled, tempered glass (pressure!) state, where the real “forfeit of existence”, like many of you in the comments, isn’t (and it shouldn’t have to be!) an option. Doesn’t make sense? How much I understand you, my friends.
Student on 1/19/2021
Hello everyone. I also seem to spend a lot of my days in this passive malaise and fixating over all the subtle and complex problems I perceive in my environment and obsessing over questions of identity, psychology, death and being, interpersonal relationships, etc. And I don't know if most other people get "depressed" or just discontent over the same reasons. If you want to discuss my discord is joe8998#4104
Educator on 1/19/2021
Hey fellow human <3 Do you even realize, how many of us are struggling with existential depression? Especially in these times of COVID. Look, we are out there, there is a lot of us, there is just not many places for us to meet online. But look, just at this article, it is so evident that there is a lot of us in the same boat. I am 22, and lately I've been battling with thoughts of how just crazy and intense this world is. I used to love it and be in flow with life, but wow it is difficult now, I never thought I would end up in a situation like this. I think my biggest passion, is to help young people realize their own spark in this life. Even though I struggle with finding my own. Everything just feels futile, but I try to keep my faith, that everything will turn around at some point, and life will become more of a dance. I think many of us are thinking very much outside of the box, which makes us feel very isolated. But realize, this is your gift. It might be an uncomfortable gift at first, but it's all about how you use it! Create your own personal religion, with what you believe in. I think many of us are actually at a point, where we stand just right in front of our treasure, we can't see it yet though, because we have digged for so long, but this is the last mile of your maybe 1st or 2nd marathon, imagine that! You have a few hundred meters left to run, and then you can start your new chapter. It might be, that your current obstacle, is what is actually a treasure filled with diamonds. Why should it be otherwise, actually, when you think about it? Life works like yin/yang, polarity, dark/light. I have so much faith in you, so much, so so so much, please be the light you wish to see in this world. Even though I am not nearby you right now, I want to see you shine! Life becomes uncomfortable, because we feel like we can't be ourselves.. You have a mind, you have the most creative powerhouse in yourself, you can use it, to create the life of your dreams. I am sending you love, love, love and so much hope and light, you are a true warrior <3. If you wish to talk more about deep stuff and have someone to relate to, add me on discord: jesus#6054 (I'm not christian, just couldn't figure out a better username :))
Other on 1/18/2021
I still wonder why people behave like this and this depression has induced fear in me to an awful level
Educator on 1/17/2021
Wow I have never felt so understood. I am a 15 year old gifted student and nobody I know shares these same thoughts. I was just googling things trying to find out why I’m having all these thoughts and I’m so glad I came across this site!!!
Student on 1/15/2021
If you have this kind of thoughts I do not recommend mixing it with drugs, please don't do it. It's not worth it to fall in an endless hole that only you can escape
Other on 1/14/2021
To anyone who relates to this article please do feel free to contact me through my email. i myself relate to this 100% and i would really love to talk to someone who struggles with this too. <3
Student on 1/12/2021
I am 16 and have always though somewhat like this. Recently I have really struggles with thoughts about what my true purpose in life is and something I really enjoy doing because, having come to terms with the mundane nature of life and our ultimate death, I simply wish to be happy until I reach my end. I have never been diagnose with depression or anything like that but I often find myself feeling extremely unhappy doing normal activities at night and while I think if I switched into easier classes I also want to stay smart. (if that makes sense) I struggle a lot with thinking about what the purpose of my life if and if I can truly do something that makes me happy in my life. This causes me a lot of mental grief. If you feel the same way at all I would be very open to discuss. Discord: clevercatt#3538
Student on 1/12/2021
I'm glad im not alone in these feelings, and I'll try out the physical contact thing, but i'm not sure that will resolve this. I have very similar thoughts to what existential depression is described as in the article and have contemplated suicide. I play video games and watch anime as a distraction because i hate having these thoughts, and i've gotten to the point of failing multiple classes because i just cant see the point in putting in the effort anymore. i dont know what to do.
Student on 1/11/2021
hello, im 13 and when i was 11-12 i had this problem. i had a few months of that and i felt like talking or listening to my family had no point, school had no point and nothing had a meaning. it was horibble. little did i know i would end up missing it. i am now happy all the time and i usually get sad for a day and then it passes. how? i think i legitimately lost some iq. i became like the other kids, drowned myself in normal distractions instead of anime and videogames which actually made me sadder. i used social media for the first time and watched normal teen series and i just became normal. and now when i see smart people thriving in the programs i was too lazy too join, i feel so incredibly stupid. what is the point of being happy??? why do i even need that? i don't think you can actually lose iq so i think my point is really dumb. i dont know, i just feel so stupid because for other smart people this depression lasts and for me it stopped? why? am i not smart enough? please help me, i do not have extreme sadness or anger on this because as i said im usually happy, this is my discord if you can relate, i really hope someone will. navigator111#0110
Student on 1/10/2021
Most people would only talk to me because I was the smart kid, that was my charm, I was the wonder kid. I was very tiny and dark (I'm African) , everyone said I was ugly. However, the little attention I could get was because I was a very good and fast learner, I knew way more things than people who were classes ahead of me, I was precocious and curious about the world, I loved to read, I loved to watch documentaries, observe my environment, that was the only thing that made me noticeable. I moved with several people but I was always lonely. I don't even remember when my depression started, it's just always been a major part of my life and with the passing years I just learned to cope with it differently. I'm not suicidal because I'm a Christian and I think Jesus is amazing. Most times, Christian societies don't really accommodate depression or mental health issues because they feel that the Joy of the Lord should surpass the trials of life. When I got to the university, I was scared,lonely, disappointed and tired of life. I did sooo poorly in my first two years of uni, I was honestly uninterested in life and I kept hurting because I felt like I had no control, I was so worried and reluctant, about people, about money, about my future, my faith. I was overwhelmed. I was no longer curious, I wasn't a wonder student anymore, hence I was so unnoticeable, especially in my first year. Last year, I had to stay home because of covid and I was so angry because I had to live with the very people that scarred me from childhood. It was a really dark time for me- I started smoking again after 6 years, I even relented on my relationship with God, I was so angry at him, my parents and myself for all the stupid mistakes I had made as a result of self-sabotage. However, late last year, I started to find purpose again, I started working on getting better grades and setting myself up for the future I want. I still feel depressed from time to time, but now I cope differently, I choose to move forward, one step at a time. Focus on one interest at a time. I feel better about myself, I actually don't think of myself as the lesser human anymore, I guess this is happiness. I'm even doing things for myself and not just to impress anyone. I hope this lasts, I hope I can continue like this, I know that the pain will never end, but this new-found coping method of mine is everything to me at this point. I actually have hopes now, feels nice. Scary, but nice.
Student on 1/10/2021
I am in love with someone who has existential crisis. When finally confessed my love to him after all the years of bottled up emotions,myself being an introvert, he said he can't commit and doesn't feel love. What do I do? It's really hard for me to forget him. Discord: Lancaster#6397
Other on 1/10/2021
When I read the lines regarding existential crisis being common in people experiencing a mid life crisis, but it being an alarming precursor to suicide for people aged 12/15; I genuinely laughed out loud. The writer could not be more accurate. I am now 28, 13 years ago, when I was but 15 my pervasive and enduring grapple with existental dread reached one of its many zeniths; resulting in a rather lengthy stay in a psychiatric hospital. I do not presume to have the capacity to solve anyone else's subjective riddle of purpose in this life; but I have found Dr. Viktor Frankl' "A mans search for meaning" has provided me the blueprint and philosophy necessary to allow me to survive more than a few days I didnt wish to exist in this world. I do however, deeply empathize with any who struggle with the weight of existentialism, and if I am able to afford you any solace or wisdom when you feel your capacity to fight is waning; my DM's are always open to you. Christopher Hauschildt Discord: Dysphoric.Proletariat#3897
Other on 1/9/2021
I am 31. I somewhat understand this behavior pattern, as I experience my own version of it. My short advice for people with the ability to: Understand your ego, it is a lens through which you focus your identity. You can be whoever you want, don't get trapped in the thinking that you who you are and are a static caricature. You will be a hundred different people before you die. You are also not that smart. Be humble, everyone has something to teach you. Give people the opportunity, they are really your opportunities. Learn a trade if you don't like formal education. If you aren't happy, you aren't that smart. Figure it out.
Student on 1/8/2021
When I was 15 years old it occurred to me that I was different from another people, I had different believes from people my age, I did not want to stay put in one place and did not want to have the same people around. I started to question the meaning of life and the existence of human kind, how did we came to be? who brought us into the world? how are we made? Because of this I started to feel isolated from the rest. People did not seem to understand when the topic was brought up, so as a 15 year old I let it go and enjoyed the young youth. After a few years of fun I thought the thinking and feeling this way had passed, but quite the opposite... I suffered from severe depression for two years where the thought of self harm was a good way to deal with the pain. With the help of medication, doctors and family I brought my self back up. Until this very day I do still have all these question I ask my self of the meaning of life and how things came to be. I know in my head for me it will never be a right answer even though studies have been made and answers have been given. The best way I cope with this feeling is to find my own meaning of life even though I'm alone.
Other on 1/2/2021
I'm not the best at sharing my thoughts so this will probably be pretty short... And I'm tired bc it's 4:45 am so excuse my typing. I'm 18 now, a senior in high school and I've been "gifted" according to my school since around 3rd grade. imo being gifted is bs but whatever... These thoughts of impending death have been there for me for quite a while; I'd say since I was in 7th or 8th grade (this wasn't the first time I had these thoughts tho it was much earlier in my life). I am raised Christian and even though I have the ultimate comfort, I can't help but think about it and make myself have anxiety. It also doesn't help that my head is constantly flowing with restless thoughts. (this paragraph will be quite scattered bc my thoughts have been really scattered this year)... The thought of death used to eat me alive when I would try to go to bed but I've gotten somewhat used to it and gotten better at deflecting *bad* thoughts by pouring myself into useless distractions. This year I met a girl online and we've been talking since quarantine started. so quite a while now. We talked pretty much every night and pretty late into the night too. She helped me get through a lot this year and feel connected to at least one person on this earth. We're still talking so no sad story today... She helped me learn to open up, which was hard for me because I just don't feel any connection to most people. Anyways back to the distractions part... The biggest distraction before this year was playing video games. It didn't have to be with anyone I just wanted a distraction. I eventually learned to love the game play and stories contained within them. So when I got tired of putting effort into them, I turned to something my friends were into: this being anime. This year I gave up sleep for forgetting my problems and to watch anime. I guess I should explain school at some point so why not now... So regardless of me being gifted, I never really thought of myself as smart. Sure I could figure some stuff out and I might be a little faster than other kids or maybe have better grades but I eventually started asking myself why I needed to put effort into school then. So when I got to high school, I stopped caring. I did the work and took tests, but I didn't really care that much. I just did it because I had to. And then (swinging this back to the girl I talk to) this year I had my emotional defenses broken, I pretty much gave up on my set goals of being a mechanical engineer and going to the specific college I preemptively chose. And because of that I gave up on even trying to do most work because it was a waste of energy. Not that the energy is going into anything else except for endless thinking and my other distractions. *Oh I should probably mention I'm pretty much a loner* Oh another big distraction for me is music. I basically have music playing from when I wake up to when I go to sleep. Geez I should wrap this up soon it's getting pretty long... Bringing my rant back to the paper, I definitely have a longing for a physical connection. I've really been struggling with that all december. I've never had a gf and I don't have any girls who are friends or guys who'd be willing to give me just a hug that actually means anything. As for my family- well thats just another story for another time. but yeah I don't feel any connection to them and any hugs are meaningless to me. As for the girl I'm talking to we live a state away and she's a couple years younger than me so it's not like I can just show up for a hug whenever I want. I guess I should add that we can't really do video calls due to family rules on my end. I'm going to wrap it up here so whoever is reading can rest. Sorry for the long read, I know I said it would be short but ig not. If you want to feel the need to help me or hear more for some insane reason just dm me on Discord: Chickaaaaan #6677
Student on 12/31/2020
I didn't use my real name for privacy reasons. This article really opened up my eyes as to why I need so many cuddes every day. Id rather not talk about why I think I it have existential depression, thee are private reasons that I would rather not put up for the entire planet to see. Im 15, and I have been medically diagnosed with moderate major depression. I will ask my doctor t read this and see if he can help heal y broken soul, mind, and heart.
Parent on 12/31/2020
Wow. Thank you for this thoughtful essay. I wonder when it was written and am delighted to see its relevant with comments from young people yesterday! The isolation is compounded by internet and virtual communication which shape emerging identities in new ways we don't fully understand. I'm a child psychiatrist and 5 years ago found a peer personal growth group which has helped me immensely understand the power of connection and feeling of belonging and acceptance. I hug my 15 year old gifted son who struggles greatly. Fortunately he can receive hugs! We hug in my group, or we did before the pandemic. So I heartily agree with you. Life is about and for living. Suffering is inevitable and we are ultimately alone. But there is plenty of opportunity for joy, shared love and meaning by choosing to make the world better however we are able and interested. We have needs for togetherness, love, achievement, competency and community, not just for air, water, food and shelter. Religions, on a good day, offer us community and a safe place to explore meaning together and how we fit into something far bigger than ourselves. Healthy religions, like healthy families encourage questions and growth. Every family and every religion struggles with disease and imperfection. May 2021 bring us health and healing of which our country is in deep need.
Student on 12/30/2020
I'm currently 17, and I think I had my first existential crisis at 8 or 9 years old. The trigger was likely my grandmother falling ill, and seeing my dad cry for the first time. Although she is fairly well now around a decade later, it was at this time that it first occurred to me that death means non-existence. This thought scared me so much as a child, and I could never share my fears with anyone around me out of fear of communicating these thoughts. To this day I have hardly spoken of these anxieties except for a few times where the topic of death came up in passing. Nonetheless, these existential thoughts come and go like waves, and recently I experienced a fairly severe existential crisis. In January of this year, I told my family that I no longer want to go to church, giving up Christianity as a faith and the explanations for the world which it brought with it. Even as a child I never fully believed it, but this lack of a fallback explanation for life and its meaning meant that the next existential crisis hit hard and deep. This occurred during lockdown when I was isolated and scared about the world. One day I was reading an economics book, which brought up some thought-provoking ideas, and my existential dread spiralled from there. I got over it gradually, but this time through a new route where I came to be more at peace with death and a limited existence and I now feel that it's okay to have a meaningless life (but build my own meaning to life). I feel freer now and more open to new ideas especially after giving up Christianity, and I have come to enjoy philosophical enquiry and challenging myself and my established ideas. While I feel more existential crises are inevitable, these comments made me feel more at ease, that everyone goes through existential thought patterns and fearful emotions. I hope I can live a long life and understand a little more of the world inside my head and outside too.
Other on 12/28/2020
I've felt this way for a few months or so, that things should be more just- that the world is going to be destroyed unless something changes- that people should be allowed to do whatever they want (within reason) and gender shouldn't matter, no assumptions should be made
Student on 12/17/2020
I have found those existential thoughts enlightening, so i never tried to ignore them, though i might be too young still to judge the effects (16 at this time). When i find myself angry at my time being wasted at school, or the ineffectiveness of a given system, i often end up finding theoretical solutions to the problems i see, even if those possible solutions exist only in my mind, it is of great comfort to me that dispite those flaws in a system, they are only that, flaws, which can be fixed and i might even be able to direct my future and use my ideas to help fix. And after all of that, knowing other people can also see those problems and thus can search for solutions makes it all grander and greater
Other on 12/17/2020
This is such a relatable article. I'm 26 now and I've had this nagging feeling since I was like 12: "I'm the only one around me I can trust because almost everyone else is incapable." Everyone thinks I'm narcissistic and think too highly of myself. In reality, I feel like I'm one of the only ones acting logically. Half of the things others do just doesn't make sense. Sincerely. Why is the status quo so begrudgingly below par? I know I make mistakes all the time but I'm able to admit them and move forward and/or look for a solution. I'm not perfect but at least I try to get close. Lately, the disappointment I get from lackluster coworkers and disappointment from a family who can't move aside their stigmas to just love each other is only getting worse. If no one around me is trying to be better, should I just accept my existence and be part of the problem? I'm afraid that I tried but then began to personally feel worse. I'm not sure if my obsession with perfection just eats away at me from the inside or if maybe ignorance really is bliss. Whether it's apathy or intentional, it never stops. I just try to avoid being one of them, try to avoid the coming disappointment in humanity, which is almost surely inevitable. I've too given up on being angry, only frustrated. Being physically or mentally in pain is simply a nuisance/frustrating and it's easier to simply accept what has happened and only think about what is the right thing to do next. For physical problems, it's almost like I don't feel them, they are only a distraction to my daily troubles unless they impede my day, which usually means it's pretty bad. Psychological pain though, I can use words to describe. Anyone who says their pain is indescribable just means they lack the right vocabulary and vigor to help others empathize/understand them. Sometimes, a look is all you need to convey emotion. There will always be someone who can imagine what you're going thru and they are much closer than you think. The only thing that I could trust for a long time was my own existence, and that is something that is much harder to grasp and find an easy answer for, something I could rest easy on. Then it was shattered around when I was 13/14, so here we are finding and building purpose for each other because that's really what it's all about. Also, the section involving touch is too real. A couple of years ago my girlfriend and I took a love type test and I found I'm very touch based. Followed up by acts of service and words of affirmation, I had never thought about it seriously. That little bit of knowledge is almost eerie. After that she stopped buying me small gifts, and most big ones, because I'm not a super material person and I appreciated it. I was not gifted in school though, but I definitely did above average. Thanks to the author for sharing.
Other on 12/17/2020
I have been suffering from the depression for almost my entire life. Ever since I can remember, I was always worried about future, Sometimes, I forget this feeling but usually it comes back in a year or two. Now, I am 28 and I accept the absolute truth "the end", and try to make my own little impact on the future hoping that it won't end in futility. But It still keeps up all night. It is 3am now, but I need to get over this? Right now, I want live my life, which is very short, but I am spending it just worrying about its and not only my end but also end of human race.
Student on 12/16/2020
I’m 22 years old and on my last birthday I realized that I won’t be here forever. I know I am still very young, but that realization made me think about a lot of things. Now I have realized that I’m going through an existential crisis and I can relate to most of these comments. I wonder if there’s a cure for this? I’m so tired mentally and I envy people who do not see the things that I do. I keep having panic attacks and sleepless nights because of this. I can’t relax because I can feel the time passing by. I wish i could go back in time when everything felt normal and life was simple. But I’m afraid I won’t ever get back there. I feel trapped. I hope therapy will help me get throught this.
Student on 12/15/2020
Wow, this really helped me not feel so alone. I'm 16 and though I have never seen my self as a gifted or talented individual, I think a lot about the world. I find myself growing more and more frustrated with myself for not understanding others. I feel as if I can't see the same values everyone else has. I don't see myself being happy just because I have money, a family, or place to live. In fact I'm terrified of people and I can't see myself forming meaningful relationships because of that fear. I almost feel uncomfortable when I bond with someone because I know I'm not enough to provide for all their needs. And despite all this fear I don't want to be alone. I feel like I can't understand anyone and they can't understand me, so why can't I be happy only understanding myself? I feel like everyone around me understands each other but I can't understand them, even though I know that's absurd because no one understands anyone completely in this world. Im afraid what works for everyone doesn't work for me. I hate being a dependent person but Im also terrified of being independent. Is there a right path for someone like me to be happy? And how do I find it on my own? This post kind of opened my eyes a bit to the world. It helped me realize that if there is one thing in this world no one is alone in, it's the struggle to live in a world that makes no sense.
Other on 12/14/2020
I am beyond despair in reading this. If anyone has an ear, please reach out trenchtownrock1@gmail.com
Other on 12/13/2020
This article describes me very well, but I highly doubt that I am 'gifted'. Instead I question if many intellectual characters are actually suffering from ADHD; it would make sense that a lack of norepinephrine In the brain would cause one to constantly search for the deeper meaning in everything. Forever trying to learn in the hope that something can capture their minds for more than a few minutes. Perhaps the answer is somewhere in the middle, maybe genious is a complement to depression.
Other on 12/11/2020
This is me. I think I was around 7 or 8 when I had these thoughts about life. I'm now 64 and have learned to live with it as a part of my psyche over the years. I've suffered with depression and still do, three things have sustained me, the sheer enjoyment of living, finding something positive in every situation and seeing the humour in everyday life.
Student on 12/10/2020
Im so glad i came to this website because reading the comments made me realize how im not alone. I feel so alienated from everyone around me because they don’t get it. I feel like im aware of things that aren’t meant to be seen in the first place and it makes me uncomfortable because i dont see nor get the value people place in certain things. We are simply living in these standards we didn’t choose to hold ourselves to, we all just ended up doing so because our cognitive skills enforce us to follow. I wake up and always question what led for us to be where we are and why is it that way. For all we know, half of our knowledge can be completely absurd but we have no way of knowing that so we just go on with our lives just cause. I dont want to die because i dont see a purpose in dying and i have other things i can do different before the inevitable occurs, so why pursue it if it’s really the only thing we know will end up happening to every single one of us. I feel like an alien seeing the bigger picture which ends up never being touched nor grasped. The concept of value is in our hands and perception which i find so crazy because we place power in people, objects, ideas because we can so we do. But like why? Why are we living? Why are we here? For what if everything we have done and keep doing is essentially because we decided to and ran with it.
Student on 12/10/2020
Im 14 and I completely relate to everything expressed in this article, I've been feeling like this a lot lately. It first started a few months ago, my parents took away basically everything that made me happy for like two months and it gave me a lot of time to think and realize how I really felt about life and death. I started to look at people's lives and realize how sad they are, such as my mom's or dad's, it's not been the same since. Sometimes im really happy (usually when my grades are great) and I don't think about it for a week or two but then the feeling comes right back. Im not suicidal, I just think death would bring me peace, it wouldn't make much of a difference anyways. Its been like 4-5 months since it first started and I don't know when its going away but hopefully soon. I know its not very well written Its late and I thought id leave a comment after reading everyone else's.
Student on 12/8/2020
I just read a quote I found astonishingly relatable and it was searching for the source of it I found this. The quote read: "Despite the gloomy nature of my being, I still have a naive hope that lingers within me - and that is why I suffer". I've read some of the comments, and like many I've found acceptance to be the most effective remedy in battling existential dread. But only partly so, at least for me, because I am decidedly not a cynic. I am hopeful despite myself and I feel as though I am treading a very thin line dividing two equally despairing pits. One is succumbing to the concept of absolute arbitrariness, the other is embracing ignorance - pretending. I can do neither and the balancing act is exhausting. I've struggled with it for a while, I am now 24. Happy to talk: fleeingfreud@gmail.com (excuse my pretentious attempt at humor, I made it for this purpose and everything else was taken). Take care :)
Student on 12/8/2020
I'm 14 right now and I had this problem starting on my birthday. I listened to a song, a bad apple. and it made me think for a bit. then a thought, and thought a bit more. eventually, it spiraled, furtherer, and furtherer into a pit of neverending despair. I did do a lot of research over it, and I've come to a point, I would say I'm near the "end" point, I'm not really suicidal, on the contrary, I fear death, however, I've also realized many things about it. Death means my memories will all but vanish, and that I'll restart everything anew, that comforted me at first. but then thought about it, it really started to terrify me. life is ultimately meaningless, but so is death. Even the meaning we give to it is a bit meaningless really. all we can do is just keep going. i often find myself just sitting there wondering why things are the way they are. Honestly speaking, I have no idea how anything works, How I'm here, at this very moment. I ended up having a panic attack after the first time but at this point I've realized. Life is smiliar to a switch. We can flick the switch and the light will turn on, We don't need to find the logistics of it, so I can find some comfort in that fact. Still, I envy the ignorant, as they can just go on never thinking about this. Much like a trapped animal or someone in a simulation, if they don't know they're trapped, they'll just go on as normal. My existential depression, in the end, has made me realize the universe's absurdity, and maybe a simple but terrifying truth, everything is ultimately meaningless. we're just apart of a machine in a way, we just are. we live, we die, we live again, in an endless, neverending cycle. I'm more aware of the passing of time than ever. but, in the end, there's nothing I can do. Most people would dive headfirst into something, but i have no real passion. I'll just have to be content standing by and waiting....
Student on 12/4/2020
I can very much relate to everything written here, particularly the sense of aloneness in relation to other people. I never realised until I read this article that most people experience existential depression during mid-life, and that having it start when I was 12 wasn’t usual. I’ve gone through a few episodes since, being 25 now, and have always found art, particularly music and creative writing, to be the ultimate salve and comfort against these feelings. It seems to connect me to something greater than myself. Animal companionship also seems to help; I feel less distance between my cats and myself than myself and other humans, maybe because animals communicate on a deeper level than words. Unfortunately my parents weren’t the most sympathetic, and I got more smacks than hugs growing up when I tried to talk about my feelings. Hugs from my friends definitely helped though, even if they didn’t always understand why I was sad. Thank you for writing this.
Other on 11/30/2020
Nearly a whole life lived and I finally have found he answer I was searching for! This article speaks perfectly to how I have viewed and felt regarding life and living. I was about 6 when my great grandmother explained to me where her mother was. Her mother had already died years before I lived so I meeting her physically would be impossible. However, my grand mother never ran shy on boxes of black and white photos. This is when I had discovered a photo of a lady and asked my grandmother ho the lady was. She told me it was her mother and that she had already gone home: of course I wanted to know where her home was and I even asked if we could go visit her. My grandmother told me no not now But that one day we’d all get our own one to go home. So long story short, I did understand this then but my interest to find out this mystery never subsided. About 5 months later Is when I grasped the basic understanding of where this “gone home” was. I was terrified and also angry. I recall my mother picking me up that day and on our way home I recall asking my mom if she had to die and go home also. Then I asked the dreaded question I wanted to avoid and that was, and do I also have to die and go home? Mom said yes. That was it! I was so angry with my mom that I quivered out the words, why did you born me mom! Why? Every word in this article spells out exactly how I have felt throughout my whole life.
Student on 11/25/2020
As a "gifted" student myself with undiagnosed ADHD I definitely understand why we follow "causes". After a lot of thinking about life and our small, short existence it seems the only way to do anything meaningful is to further a cause that aims to solve the problems facing humanity, which is why I have started debating and advocating for socialism.
Student on 11/2/2020
I definitely experienced this, starting in my early teenage years. I was a very gifted kid, or at least a very good test-taker, and I fell into a sort of existential despair lasting nearly a decade from coming up against this wall of limitation. This manifested in lethargy and nearly suicidal depression during most of that period. The article mentions not knowing what path to choose, given the multi-potentiality of life and career choices, which I also resonated with. More than anything else, though, is the article's claim that touch is very important for people experiencing these feelings and thoughts. That's absolutely true. I believe this is because touch is (arguably) the most basal sense, and therefore is proportionally more grounding than any book, movie, speech, or painting could be. By its nature, human touch contradicts feelings of isolation, and calms anger and sadness. To a person struggling with thoughts of the nature of reality, nothing is more real than a hug.
Other on 11/1/2020
I read this article instead of using my google assistant to read it to me because I instantly related. I wanted to feel the words you were singing to me. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. As one of the comments joked about the time of day reading this, It is 605 am for me. I am 39 and I would guess that I am the midlife crisis dude in your article. I spent most of the night researching and digging to find answers. Attempting to convince myself that I'm a good person and trying to apparently also convince myself to pick something. Anything.... But halfway through that self assurance time out I gave myself I realize that I'm refining my thoughts, opinions and conclusions I just had deduced.. Thank god I stumbled upon this because I probably would be analyzing my reasons and reactions still (like I just did halfway through that sentence. A lot of the terminology that you used connected and clicked for the first time. Like ever. I never thought I was gifted. I still don't know what I am. I can tell you that I am glad you wrote this. I'm glad other people had the courage and motivation to comment. This was a darn good time for you to be here for me. For us... Until recently I had zero clue to why or what makes me... Me? The topic relating to craving touch made the biggest impression. I am not married nor do I have children. Relationships have always failed because of my feelings, If that makes sense. The reason why I have been adamant on not attempting to have children and actually preventing having children is my fear of putting somebody through what I went through as a child. I wasn't abused or anything like that so I'm sorry if I gave that perception. We just we're always poor. As a child in a small middle class school district that weighed on my brain. Reflecting back on the subject I am questioning if I meant that or if I just designated that my scape goat. Anyway.... Many topics were touched that I have questioned and it is amazing to talk about it. You have shown an old dog that he might want to listen to other people's magic tricks. Thank you again for the voice and education. Justin
Other on 10/30/2020
Everyone with the idea of having existential depression, I believe, is not living the purposeful life of a being and is aware of such. To me, natural life and balance is what creates purpose and connection which are vital to any organisms health. There is a simple way to put this. Those who have exestential depression are simply going through the reaction of the psyche to the un-natural world of today. It is obvious in the idea of objectiveness. We are 99% alike, you and I and all of us. If we can meet on this idea and accept that of the reality.. does changing and reforming bring about purpose? Spreading a vision/idea? the existential depression I’ve gone through gave me an objective lens. Our reality is the factor of a systemic failure of life. Sadly, we all fall into it, because that’s how it is now. Suppose I could be labeled an anarchist. I only truly believe we must act now and I hope some can understand this feeling of action and that it is possible by existential awareness, Which we must all have.
Other on 10/28/2020
I'm no one, and I'm old. Not formally educated by any means, and not in any kind of successful career. Though, perhaps I do have an acute version of this...because it sounds very much like myself. Maybe it's somewhat prevented the furtherment of my goals. I can remember sleeping a lot when I was younger. Like I just wanted life and time to pass. During that half awake state initally I'd ponder my existence. My purpose. The meaning of life in all forms and the state of the human condition amongst us all. I've found I have much faith in God, but none in myself or humanity. Now in my mid 30s I dunno, I thought I'd broken out of it but I'm questioning everything again..when the person you love hates you..its difficult to wish to continue to be. Luckily...luckily I have family I love, and I am here because I would never wish this amount of internal turmoil on anyone.
Student on 10/20/2020
I am not a gifted child. I have always been somewhat smart and life itself has always intrigued me. Never have I been a incredibly smart kid though. I am 15 and I had a bit of depression when I was 14 but for several months it all went away and I felt normal. I had always thought about life and different ideas like god which I have thought a lot about. I have also understood that life is meaningless until you give it a meaning. I felt I had given life meaning. I then starting watching tv and started to realize the real world was so empty and so cold. The feeling of purpose feels gone and I feel isolated and alone. I realized how boring and dark and gloomy the world can be. But I also know it doesn’t have to be like that but I can’t seem to find a way that makes it warm and welcoming again. I guess the main battle is that the world is boring and I am isolated life feels meaningless and empty. I have full awareness of what life it’s and that I have to give it a purpose but I find no purpose to give it. It is nice to know though that I am not alone in how I think. Even though I kind of figured i wasent.
Student on 10/12/2020
I find great comfort in this article and comment section. I am 27, former gifted student, dual degree holder, blah blah. I have experienced depression in a variety of forms for years. It's not clear exactly when it started. All I'd like to share is that, the ideas I find here help me realize compassion and connection with those whom I have misunderstood. Thank you to all who have shared their experience here.
Student on 10/10/2020
It started when I was 14. Due to the lack of philosophical awarness and education in my country I became very religious, even though none of my family member was. I've also had an abusive childhood. Coupled with these frequent existential depressive episodes, it has made life really hard. This is not so much of a "gift" than a "curse", in my case at least
Student on 10/6/2020
Hey! I found this article at 12am because I was searching for some kind of way to cope with existentialism haha bc I just experienced another depressing episode. This article was very interesting and to be frank a relief to read. I’m currently 14 and had my first existential crisis at 11 or 12 and funnily enough back then I had a thought that it was some kind of depression or nightmare that I would soon forget and, well I actually did, unfortunately only for a few months though and soon after I gradually fell into the terrible rabbit hole of existentialism. It was terrible- it still is but I’m glad there’s others out there like me and I’m lucky to have parents who, although don’t share or possibly understand my views, still encourage me to live my life to the fullest (which is what I am aiming to accomplish) I guess you can say that is the way I coped with it all (on top of escaping reality using fiction but that’s not the point) and also other “gifted” peers who share the what my life English teacher thinks are “cynical” views on life. I think she isn’t too off the mark at this point though hahaha (alright didn’t laugh? Nor did I heh) but anyways I’m grateful that they are there for me to relate to and know I’m not completely talking wack or mentally unstable. In the end all I really have to say is this: if you believe life is truly meaning less (or if that if your current belief) then know to try to ease your mind and relax, in the end we will most likely not reach a definite and clear answer during our short window of consciousness on earth and in this universe so enjoy your time and don’t “waste” (I say this that word lightly so please, take it with a grain of salt) it on having existential depression, well of course if you plan on becoming a philosopher then I wish you well and hope you reach a breakthrough in your thinking and please, share it with us because who knows it could be someone else’s salvation.
Student on 10/4/2020
I finally have a name for what I've been feeling. I am a freshman a prestigious university, and I think I have been feeling this existential depression for a year now. It started back when I had to decide which college I was going to during quarentine and I hardly ate for the whole month leading up to the desicion day. I spent all day every day thinking about the desicion and constantly researching both schools. It took me weeks to finally feel confident in my desicion. Then over the summer, I started thinking about what major I wanted to choose. I was planning on International Relations because I wanted to do something to help the world, but I got it into my head that I could do more good if I was an engineer and that I would have a meaningless office job if I majored in International Relations. I went into this existential depression again, overthinking the meaning of life, if I would ever be happy, what a meaningful career would mean to me, etc? Before the semester started, I switched into engineering and I really dislike it. I ended up failing a calculus quiz, and I feel like I'm so unworthy of the education and opportunities I have because I was just gifted with intelligence, I didn't work for it. I don't know if I can be happy because I have this underlying constant existential crisis that will not go away. And I haven't really made that many friends and with covid everything just feels so weird and disconnected. I tried going to my school's counselors, but it doesn't help very much. Now everytime I look at the workers in the dining hall, I think of how unfair it is that I got the opportunity to get an education and so many of them probably could have to if they were luckier at birth. I feel unworthy to have this education and opportunity if I just get a liberal arts degree and can't seem to do anything with it. Ahh sorry for the long poorly written rant, I am just see happy to see these comments and know other people are going through the same thing. I'm not comfortable putting my email out there but I made a new one if anyone wants to talk. existentialdepression3322@gmail.com
Student on 10/3/2020
I came upon this article as Im dealing with serious existential depression. i have suffered mentally ever since middle school, hitting the worst depression in high school, i literally did not understand why would i exist if life is so painful and compilitaed. I remember in my toddler years i would cry at night thinking my family will all die. I was doing well recently until one night question hit again, what is the meaning if we all die? why we even try? I lost faith in god many years ago. Of course i might be wrong, maybe it is the reason why im so miserable. I feel alone in how im feeling, people around seem to be grounded, everyone rushing in their cars working day by day obsessing over simple things like money and popularity, why no one questions it? why no one questions the fact we are born from nothing, and just exist to human made up rules until we vanish again? Existence is such a weird concept, i dont understand anything and i dont think human race does either. We all literally have no idea what we are doing? You are light of conciousness that appears for a moment and vanishes again. Maybe it's only a illusion of brain that vanish when you die? Do you want to spend this time working? working for what? You watch time pass by, people are born people die just like that but why? If the only reason is to preserve the human kind how sad it is. If this was our only reason why would higher power give us such intelligence to feel emotions and even question the self existence? There so many answers that cannot be answered by us it terrifies me. Parents say you've young why you worry whole life ahead. But my only vision of future is death of everyone i love, family, favourite musicians, places, reality i live in rn. I can never go back to my childhood days, i can never relieve the same memories, it blocked me from feeling happiness, why would i cherish something that will vanish anyways. The way people fight for life and spend their whole lives in hospitals, where is the meaning of this?Maybe someone out there can relate, If you're reading this i hope you can find better answers and maybe help us both, I hope my thoughts are just a mind of depressed person and reality is different
Other on 10/1/2020
I am 25 years old, and despite a shockingly low level of self-esteem, I am very much declaring myself a gifted individual. The recent covid-19 pandemic and the social distancing it brought to an already unstable time for me (major transitions in my life all wrapped up in a stressful three-month period), combined with my general fearful nature of any possible or confirmed health issues my parents and siblings encounter, my over-sensitivity to other people's tragedies, my dissatisfaction with my choices regarding my vocation and wasted ambitions, and the lyrical genius of Lin Manuel Miranda in Hamilton (who presents time and again the questions "will they tell my story?" and "when my time is up, have I done enough?") has tipped me face-first into an existential crisis. I've been having late-night soul-searching-sessions that drove me to tears over the concept of death, my fear of death (of not existing), what happens after we die, where do we go and similar topics for as long as I can remember. I used to believe in ghosts, and found comfort in the immortality of the self as a floating, semi-transparent consciousness. The song "Dancing Through Life" from the musical Wicked comes to mind. "Life is fraught-less when you're thoughtless" is my new anthem. Reading this article, I came to the understanding that I'm definitely experiencing an existential crisis. I had initially tried to battle the 'everything is pointless' mindset by covering myself with a 'so I should focus on being as happy as I can for as long as I can' blanket and spend more time with my family, but I've noticed that all my ambitions (to become a poet, a writer, a singer, an artist, an activist, an educator, to fix the world) suddenly felt dim, as if I had begun thinking that none of those things matter, because after I die, even if I do something great and memorable, in two hundred, or a thousand, or fifty million years nothing will be left of it. The earth itself would one day disappear. No use leaving something behind if it will eventually be demolished by a black hole. The time it will take to wipe away remnants of my existence is meaningless, be it a hundred years, or fifty million. And just like that, I have written myself into yet another episode of what I like to call "doomsday is upon us". Nevertheless, thank you for the virtual hug of an article. Knowing that I am not alone is greatly appreciated. To anyone reading the comments, you are not alone. We are all together in this.
Student on 9/20/2020
Honestly al the comments in this article have been so comforting because I thought I was just going crazy over the years. Sometimes it’s so draining that I can sleep all day and still sleep at night. I’m 17 now and I’ve been feeling this for about 6 years. If you ever wanna talk my email is also mariapgil52@icloud.com :)
Student on 9/5/2020
I'm 17 years old and although I wouldn't say I'm 'gifted,' I 100% can relate with everything said in this article. I have been dealing with this on and off since I was 9 and to be completely honest it's so emotionally draining. I feel so isolated, like I'm living apart from everyone else. I tried to talk to some people about it but I feel like you can only really relate if you have been through it. I've been getting it pretty bad lately and I would love to talk to anyone willing to reach out. My email is gabynic2030@gmail.com. Feel free to shoot me an email and we can maybe find a way out together :) You are not alone!
Student on 8/22/2020
Can't help but remember one summer day when I began to wonder if I was in a simulation, and couldn't shake off the feeling that my tinnitus was evidence of machinery running in the background. Not knowing what tinnitus was at that time (I was five or so), I proceeded to consider what really separates man from machine, and machine from inanimate forms of matter. It's a continuum, really, and strong distinctions between such categories are decidedly arbitrary. Being a cynic, I was quick to laugh off the idea of intelligent children questioning society and gender norms. Having been through a lot of emotionally charged speeches about hope and the power of young people to change the world, I've grown to be pretty jaded and won't hesitate to judge. But then I remembered that I grew my hair out to my shoulders for the sole reason of proving that I wasn't a stereotype, and that I purposefully isolated myself from other boys for the purpose of seeming more respectable. Heck, I even went as far to insist that my name was Annie (Annie Lennox), despite not being transgender in any way. Bouts of existential panic/depression emerged sporadically as I aged, especially in kindergarten, 6th grade, and 8th grade. In 10th grade I learned to embrace the inherent meaninglessness of life, the scale of things, the inevitability of death, and so on. In that stage I coped by contaminating my peers with depressing thoughts and going on a crusade to convince everyone around me that free will is a societal construct. It would be awfully interesting to know what Calvinists think of people who believe in free will, right? I feel like doing a survey of different cultures and religions to learn what they consider 'free will' would be interesting as well. The Piraha, being so unique and isolated, would be utterly fascinating. But I digress. From what I can tell, the way to get around existential depression and similar issues is merely to accept those realities. When I'm feeling sad, I tell myself that my misery is nothing more then a symphony of neurotransmitters, which are themselves just compounds. If worry that there's no purpose to life and wonder if ending it would be best, remembering that all actions are predetermined* and that living the unjustified human lifestyle is written into our genetic code. Obey the laws of natural selection and continue marching ceaselessly towards annihilation. Humans, like other biological automata, are separated only from simple movements like a rolling marble by magnitude. One neuron is but a pebble in the landslide of the human mind, just as the brain is nothing but a mass of nonliving matter. Statistically speaking, much of what I believe is probably wrong. If one considers the fact that there are so many contradictory opinions (all formulated by capable minds), it seems unlikely that the ideas of any one source are correct. Some people are closer to the answer than others, but it's not easy to say who those people are. Taking the climate crisis and global politics into consideration, now seems like a good time to embrace hedonism (and nihilism) to enjoy the world while it lasts. Idealists and optimists may miss out on the last couple decades of a worthwhile world if they invest too much in the future. So, this year, when I graduate from high school, I'll have to seriously consider what steps to take next. Hopefully none of this sounded too harsh or mean. For anyone who read this far, you probably deserve a gold medal for persistence. *predetermined by the laws of physics until the effects of the randomness generated by quantum indeterminacy manifest themselves in an observable (but not readily identifiable) form. Quantum determinacy is no justification for free will, since free will indicates the presence of a decision-making agent independent of external stimuli that mysteriously interacts with material beings. If quantum determinacy were used as justification for free will, it stands to reason that free will would be equally random. If that is indeed the case, then the most common definitions of free will would be incorrect. Furthermore, the designation of free will as a distinct variable would be unnecessary.
Student on 8/18/2020
Thank you for this. I've been feeling this constant existential depression ever since I was around 10. Unfortunately my environment wasn't so understanding towards me so it never got better. I'm 17 now and suffer from Depersonalization Disorder which was my only coping mechanism to this, but I'm seriously glad that I'm trying to change. I definitely feel lucky to be able to find people with similar experiences online, so good luck to everyone on this journey!
Student on 7/29/2020
I loved reading this. I’m now 18 and the first true existential crisis that I really experienced was at age 17 1/2 when I was visiting a very large city. It made me feel like everything that humans are a part of is just a construction and that none of it means anything, and it makes me start thinking about the dawn of mankind and how humans and nature fit together. Then I consider human culture and the reasons why we have made it meaningful, but then I flip back to feeling like my family and people around me feel are aliens. Moments when I flip back to normal feel so good but I also appreciate that I’m able to reflect in this way. I feel that this is caused by my college search and the anticipation of moving out of my parents house next year.
Educator on 7/13/2020
I have always wondered why I felt slightly out of place throughout my life. Always felt older, always perservated I am 20 now, but I still remember being 10 and feeling more aware than my extended Italian family during my birthday. I was turning 10 and not happy to be turning 10, because I knew I was entering double digits and I knew I was getting older, literally made me sick to my stomach. I remember crying my last night of summer before 1st grade because homework terrified me, I knew it was my first year of leaving childhood and entering adolescense. Now here I am at 20 struggling with over self awareness but also thriving. The one thing I have realized is that I have all of the answers. As interesting as studying physics, the universe, psychoanalysis, behaviour and existence, it's just an infinite loop of meaningless. I find myself shifting between absolute bliss and absolute dread. Times I melt into the earth and can feel my self become a part of everything else, other times my mind will focus on how chaotic, disgusting, absurd, creepy, predictible and mechanistic existence is, but thats the cost of doing business. As difficult as existential depression is, pure bliss will result from its lessons when learned. Pure bliss is far greater than ignorant bliss :D
Other on 7/8/2020
A therapeutic read! I am now 22 but have struggled with chronic depression since I was perhaps 13. It only crossed my mind that I could be existentially depressed recently as nothing much seems to be able to relieve the sense of despair in me, despite getting psychotherapy to address what I thought were the past issues haunting me. When I was young, I did not quite fit in with other kids as the things they took an interest to with versus my own were so different. I seemed to have it all as the student with stellar grades, but deep down inside I was miserable. Though the prolonged isolation helped me to break away from peer pressure and develop independent thinking, it contributed to my downward spiral in my teenage years. I had huge identity issues. My parents never understood my sensitivity to these matters. They would say things like I was overthinking or creating trouble, basically invalidating my concerns and not providing me access to psychiatric help even when I asked for it. I was trapped for many years going through hoops in the education system and resented everything for putting me through this pain. There were many suicidal instances as I just couldn't find the meaning in carrying on with obligations that everyone was so preoccupied with. Being forced to go through these things while being depressed was 100% nonsensical to me, but on hindsight those were key to the deep insights I developed. I started reading philosophy on my own, one of the things that relieves me from the anguish (meanwhile people ask me why I would read something so depressing) When I was a freshman, a turning point happened. My classmate passed away from cancer and that was the first time I witnessed a young person's life being suddenly cut short. I still remember that day. I told myself that I shouldn't want to die. And if I am alive, I can at least do something, anything. I just need to stop doing whatever the crowd does blindly. Now that I just graduated from university, I can see myself heading in a vastly different direction from my peers. After all, this 2020 batch graduated into a world of uncertainty and crisis. I think it is the prime time for those of us who have been existential to step up to a courageous position to BE and to influence. In fact, I started a blog to start a movement or some sort for individuals like me.(www.thestrayberry.com) I definitely still struggle with the depression but what anchors me is the pure will to make something out of my life. So what the writer mentioned about our tendency to take up causes is true. Moving forward, I just wish that existential questions can be normalized discussion and that children of the future generation do not have to be put through the extra pain of being misunderstood and crippled through learned helplessness.
Student on 6/11/2020
I definitely don’t think I’m gifted in any way but this article made me feel a lot better about my experiences. I have always been a curious person. At age 7 I started to have periods of feeling deeply unsettled about existence. In these times I would constantly question the meaning of life and death until I got distressed and couldn’t tolerate any more thinking. I would get angry and lash out. I suffered extreme anxiety. At age 11 the anxiety got worse and I ended up in a children’s mental health facility. I started to believe life was meaningless and so I did whatever I wanted - I began acting out worse than before and everyone assumed I was crazy. I know that I was never crazy. I was just searching for answers that I couldn’t find. I still struggle with this at 20 years old. I go to therapy to help ease the suffering. I haven’t been in any meaningful education since I was 11 because of spending so much time in the facilities so I never took exams and don’t have any qualifications. I just finished an access course with the open university and hope to go on to brick university. Existential questioning has plagued me for most of my childhood and all of my adolescence but I refuse to let it continue to. I think for me, the key is acceptance. I accept that in this moment, I don’t know. In the future I would like to contribute in some way to finding answers.
Student on 6/8/2020
I believe I episodically suffer from existential depression. Or at the very least without defining how my mind functions in these bouts of solemn and confined reflection, I suffer from my mind and ego forcing their own primal desires and influences on a construct as indefinable and uncharacteristic as my consciousness. Who am I? Why must I constantly bicker with myself over whether or not I am accomplishing? If I am leaving a footprint in this world, if I will be remembered? Two forces in opposition of one another, an identity, an ego that desires constantly for it's own validation in this world and an objective consciousness that must remain apart from the trivial nuances and desires of the human mind.
Other on 6/1/2020
I found this post as I was researching "easily discouraged by the human condition" on the internet as I believe that life on earth can be a harsh school for everyone. We're all learning life and love lessons, and sometimes it seems that the suffering is overwhelming. I am not necessarily gifted, like the title of this article suggests, but I do recognize myself a lot in the author's article. I too have been experiencing existential struggles since I was very young. It started when I was around 7 years old. I am now 52, and I'm still suffering and struggling at times for I am a sensitive and idealist person. I am easily touched by the suffering of others, and I want to help, in the ways I know I can, and when I feel that respect in present, but it is not always possible in reality. When I read the news, I get discouraged, because humanity has already so many solutions that are not being applied, so many functional ways that could make a huge difference in the quality of life of everyone. So I try to stay away from that as much as possible, but it's not always feasible to function in my society, and I get discouraged by so much stupidity. I'm in the helping profession and through the years, I have found my tools so that I can calm myself and live most days in a good state of mind. Having lived through this myself, here is my world view on this : It is true that we are sensitive, and can hurt deeply, but we also need to grow. Happily, there is so much FREE tools that we can now find on the internet to support ourselves and to grow : -Printable articles and tools from mental health government agencies to better manage our emotions, and life -Audio files on YouTube, or other sources, to help feel better and create a better life. For example : Presentations that explain your particular struggles and offer strategies to get better or to learn life skills, guided meditations and hypnosis to calm down anxiety, relax, and develop optimism and gratitude. -Many people want to help. A good therapist can also make a big difference and informed people or the college of psychologists website, can help you find one. As a sensitive individual, we really need to learn to manage our sensitive and idealistic self and world view with the right support : helpful information, the right tools, and truly loving and helpful people. We also need to build a strong tool kit with the above mentioned tools to manage this sensitivity for the rest of our lives. We also need to get involved in projects that make a difference first and foremost in our own lives, and find ways to contribute in positive small ways to the greater good. Hope this helps : ) And like others, I'm leaving my email address just in case someone who want to get better wants to reach out : actualisationdesoi@yahoo.com
Student on 4/13/2020
I found it useful after knowing that existential crisis is one of the psychological problem. But,I want to point that this problem(solution!) should exist in every human mind!!!!
Other on 3/2/2020
I'm 25 and severely struggling with what I view to be the inhumane-ness of the established 40+ work week. I try to express these views, which are based in empathy, to my coworkers & friends, but the most I can say is "I don't understand why any of us are doing this"--Or, "I don't think we were meant to be doing this / living this way". Very zoomed out, I guess. Easy to misinterpret, but I feel like to people like us it's a very simple statement. I see so much pain in those around me, and the existential knowledge of knowing that we are only suffering because we agreed that this is what survival looks like in the modern world makes it so much worse. It's like I'm watching myself work all day. I do not consider myself intellectually very gifted, as I am always painfully aware of my shortcomings, mostly surrounding what I view to be failed potential. But musically I am gifted since a very young age, making me feel like I have something I could be living for if not for the oppressive system of american student loan debt looming over my entire future, and the lack of autonomy I have in my own life because of it. I want nothing more than to move somewhere quaint and work my ass off trying to make music my life, as it is the one thing that I think can make people connect-wordlessly. Which I'm sure so many of us want as when we do express concerns, people are confused or misinterpret your existential woes as something more in line with their way of thinking. We have so much power to make each other's lives better, but we spend most of them concerned with things that we've convinced ourselves matter. I feel like people are asleep, or don't know that there is anything to pay attention to within themselves, but also resent the thought that I might be "gifted" or "different" or "woke" at all, because I don't want to feel alone. Not sure the purpose of writing this but just to give solace to those who might be feeling a similar way. I think we are different although we may not want to be, and that connecting with others like ourselves is maybe the only way we have to cope. Always open to more discussion or venting as this has been very healing--reading all of your comments. Feel free to email me, especially those around my age, as it would be very cathartic. anthonyzucchero@gmail.com
Parent on 2/27/2020
I'm 66, recently retired, and now finally have the time to take a good look at myself. I knew my life was going to be challenging at around 4, a time when I could not understand why most other kids (and adults) around me were so selfish, aggressive, and generally dysfunctional. Life seemed just a treadmill of daily obligations and suffering. Joy and connection were largely absent. I felt I could "see" the potential for people to get along, and the world to be a much-improved place to live. Yet, I felt powerless to act. Subsequent decades of treatment for chronic depression failed, and continue to fail. So, here is what I have learned, so far: Ultimately, your life is a blank slate. As an adult, you are under essentially no obligations, ZERO, to submit to the expectations of your family, friends or society in general. That said, there are plenty of obvious reasons to do so. This concept took me a long time to absorb, and I'm still working on it. I now view my lifelong "depression" as merely a symptom. It is my regressive, self-protective reaction to not knowing what the "rules of life" are. It goes like this: "If I don't know what the rules are, I can't evaluate my performance on anything. If I can't know how I'm doing, why do at all? If there are no rules, hell, I ain't even playin' the game. That's just chaos." Evidently I've been in existential crisis mode ever since I started thinking about the outside world. No wonder my life was a mess, a lurching, staggering drag-walk through failed relationships and poor career choices. So, where am I now? I've spent the last 10 years alone, often isolated, researching, thinking, mentally identifying my impulses and obsessions, my addictions, my hopes and fears. My best advice for this kind of dilemma? 1. FORGET. Come to terms with your past, however brief. Acknowledge your failures, learn from them, and move on. Rumination on unalterable outcomes is mental suicide:. Thinking, "If only I had... things would be better" will kill you in the long run. Life is about your future, not your past. Your past may have shaped you, but it does not define you. 2. SAY NO. AND YES. The people around you may have, intentionally or not, added to your suffering, but blaming them for your troubles is pointless. Everyone has to live "selfishly" to a certain extent to merely survive. People act in their own interests, not yours. Carve out some personal space. Turn down requests and obligations from the excessively selfish. Say yes to meeting new people and fostering healthy, reciprocal relationships. 3) DO, THEN FEEL. You must act to change your life. Try new things. Expand. Challenge yourself, just a bit, every day. Improve how you organize your life at every opportunity. I spent my whole life thinking, "I'll do that as soon as I feel like doing it." Wrong, so wrong. Emotions are the result of acting (and thinking), not the precursor. Do, then you will feel. If you live your life passively (as I did), others will inevitably take advantage of you. That's just human nature. 4. LEARN. Educate yourself on your condition. To examine your self-assessment biases, talk about your personal life in the third person: Refer to yourself as "he"/"she" instead of "I"; you'll see yourself more clearly, and your logic faults will become more obvious. With the WWW, there are no excuses for being uninformed. The more you know of yourself, the more control you have over your life. Yes, you may conclude life is pointless. You may also, just as legitimately, conclude life is a blessed opportunity to make your mark on the world. How much impact might you make if you put yourself out there, improving relationships, making the world a slightly better place to live? 5. BALANCE. Life is a daily existence treadmill, combined with opportunities. You have to put in the time to keep your life moving ahead. School, work, chores, self-care, all of these boring, time-consuming tasks must be done. Once they're finished (for the day), you have the chance to live, not merely exist. If you've constructed a lifestyle so full of tasks and chores (treadmill stuff) that you have no time or energy left to expand your life, then your life experience will not change. You'll be doing the same old sh*t 10, 20, 30 years from now. No joke. So, examine your daily routines. Obsessive cleaning, over-socializing, job burnout, commuting, submitting to endless family requests for attention, these will all diminish your real opportunities. BTW, there is a very strong correlation between intelligence/self-awareness and brain health: The more gifted of us are also cursed with too much sensory awareness. If you come home exhausted from social interactions, recognize that you're not a people-first person, that you need downtime. If this is you, develop a few deep, rewarding relationships, and quit trying to maintain a large social set.
Student on 2/19/2020
I feel like this article is quite accurate. For a very long time, I cursed the fact that I have to deal with an existential crisis every once in a while. But eventually, I found more value in my ability to wonder about these profound ideas. I cannot deny that there are times where I thought it would have been better if I was born a happy idiot, but perhaps it wouldn't have changed anything at all. Every crisis is a chance to grow and mature as a human being. I feel lucky that I can get a chance to be better.
Educator on 1/25/2020
How does one identify if one is a gifted individual or not? It strikes me that most people (self included) are not particularly gifted at all. Put another way, 99% of human beings are markedly similar. I am equally surprised that people attempt to counsel each other. Most others do not take advice easily or readily. Everyone one struggles with internal questioning , and the questions do not seem to end. Maybe that is the 'gift'... a questioning mind. But, the more we question ourselves or criticise or condemn ourselves, the circle of negativity merely widens. It doesn't exclude others, just their comments are irrelevant.
Other on 11/22/2019
Perhaps the crisis is fundamentally more philosophical than psychological. The psychological aspects - frustration, sadness, loneliness, confusion, melancholy, anger, etc. - are then the symptoms. So psychotherapy (and psychiatry) may not be the ultimate solutions for one's suffering in this case. They just treat the symptoms. Maybe helpful to reduce pain, but they don't address the deeper concerns, which are philosophical questions about value of life, meaning, purpose, and so on. So the term "existential" is good, as it references the philosophy of existentialism, where one has to confront the uncaring universe and make one's own meaning. I'm just not sure about the use of the term "depression" as it suggests something is wrong with the individual, that it's an illness, when in fact it might just be the very natural suffering response to a difficult, perhaps insoluble, situation of a meaningless reality.
Other on 10/9/2019
Namaste friends, I too have gone through periods of existential depression since I was child. When I was around 10 years old, I often asked myself if this was all there was to life? Would I grow up and just follow the same role as my mother? It all felt so cyclical to me, that I was just another mindless person added to the evolution of humanity. Currently, now 26, I find myself with strong inner conflict, as I battle between the idea of wanting to become the best version of myself, creating from my passions, and the idea of meaninglessness in all that I do. I have found that meditation really helps counterbalance existential depressing thoughts, as it helps me connect to my deeper self within (consciousness). This provides meaning and presence in my outer world. I like this quote for the meaning of life, and want to share: "The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.” - Alan Watts
Student on 9/29/2019
I'm at the beginning of developing a major existential crisis, and in consideration of the country I live in, it's quite common for a person to get some type of depression. I've always thought about huge questions (since I was little) and thought a lot in general, which resulted in panic attacks when I was nine. It was terrible, and once I started to get better, the anxiety got replaced by another, and eventually a mild depression when I was fourteen. I'm still dealing with my anxiety, but this time, I've managed to develop this type of incurable concern. It started off when I worried about worrying. I asked myself: "why do I worry so much, when none of this really matters anyway?". I thought, as an answer to that question: "Why should I worry about my education, when worrying about succeeding only leads to a lot of stress and work, and on top of that, I might not even like the job, and the result is the same either way: reproduction and death". Then I knew I was faded. My father used to ask me what the meaning of life was, and I always replied in a nonserious way, but we were both having an existential crisis. There were times when I used to care a lot about certain things, and when I got exhausted from that anxiety, it got replaced by an existential anguish. I can't deny that the questions only grew wider, trickier and worse over time, and after each crisis I had, they strengthened. I've currently used a method where you break the questions apart and find the root of the solution. What is the meaning of life? Death? Freedom? Relations? Why does it matter, after all? According to me, the purest answer, coming from a total robot would be that it doesn't. Now, think about space, materia and time. These are all the roots that the content of these questions has. The meaning of life, biologically, is reproduction and evolution. What does evolution lead to? The end of the world perhaps? And the evolution that once was created on a non-existential world is like a big black past of history, that technically doesn't exist anymore since the world blew up in flames and particles. At the end of the day, it's all in your head, and your mind is a universe without limit, except for example: that we must put an end to everything and think in x dimensions. We know much and little, and I don't want to die with a big regret. I want to die with meaning and I'm searching for it.
Student on 9/17/2019
Hey guys! I’m 17 and feel the exact same way. Sometimes I question if life is worth living or if I should give up. I’m tying myself down to my community and career path because I don’t know what else I would be doing. Feel free to reach out and talk to me at theveiledbrothers@gmail.com I want to meet other teens and “gifted” people who share my burden. Love you guys, stay strong and remember to TOUCH! It helps me, hugging a person, pillow, or animal. Keep your mind anchored sailors.
Student on 9/14/2019
I've been skimming through the other comments on here, and I agree with all of them. Like others, I'm very hesitant to call myself "gifted", but I've been in AP/Honors/Advanced programs my whole life. Around age twelve I started "thinking too much" mostly about death and my place in the universe. It wasn't so bad at first but it dragged me down into a dark place and I started seeing all the joy bleed out of my life. I thought (and still sometimes think) that life isn't worth living if all it is is being a part in some machine I can't even understand. If people are so hypocritical that they expect you to lie about how you feel all the time. So.. social stuff was hard for me, still is in a lot of respects. I've been coping with these never-ending thoughts by reading, meditating, blasting music, and excersise. It actually helps a lot. It's very heartening to know I'm not the only person who feels lonely in a crowded room, stuck inside your own skull. It's like these thoughts never turn off. To say nothing of finding friends, or anyone in my age group who struggles with the bigger questions and a need to feel... anything. My advice? Find something you like and stick to it religiously. In the last year I've started journalling every day, and it helps.
Other on 9/11/2019
I do too feel this way someone on 8-18-19 wrote about how they felt and I can honestly say man I relate with you 100% on everything you said. -jess I do too question my won existence its 12:35 am here and I just got off work and been feeling pretty down half of my day, not sure why I am feeling this way. but I find myself questioning life and what I am doing here most of times, I play guitar been playing since I was 15 years old and I am now 25 years old. I love art drawing is fun and painting I am a creative person who also loves dancing and has a passion for music. if it wasn't for music that has helped me through out my years of being on this earth oh man does it get me moving when im feeling confused or even happy. I never really liked school and I couldn't wait to be done with it that I rush rushed through it so fast. I guess you could say I rushed through so much in my life that I sometimes wished I would of waited and maybe it would of been different. I don't regret anything in life because its one f the biggest lessons I learned from if didn't make mistakes after all I am human still, but I find myself lost not sure where I am going, I just kinda feel like I am here. I am naturally funny person who make everyone laugh, always want to make sure that everyone is happy around me. Even when I am not the happiest, I guess you could say I hide my feelings to myself and don't like expressing them to anyone. I spend most of my time alone, in my room or at a park just relaxing. I don't really like being around people, but at the same time I do if its at the right place. I feel like an introvert but at times I feel like an extrovert. I think too much and the question that's always left in me is "what am I supposed to do here?" it always leaves me confused but I do know one thing is that I want to live a happy life. though being happy is hard sometimes. I know im supposed to be taking meds for what I am feeling since I go through like 100 emotions a day. funny thing is people always think im bubbly and happy as I always keep a smile on my face and a few jokes and laughter. life is beautiful for sure I cant complain much I have a roof over my head and an amazing family. but I still feel weird when im feeling this way and questioning my existence. im glad im not the only one who feels this way, I just know that there is more to life then just this.
Other on 8/18/2019
It’s just past 2am over here. Funny, I found this article from googling “chat for people with existential crisis”. This was a great read and gave me a better insight into areas of my life and personality. The thing is, I feel weird saying I am “gifted” because I don’t 100% agree with that. I just know that I think and do a little differently than other people around me. I had some very hard times focusing in school. I talked too much and was always told i had “ants in my pants”. I did well in school when I felt like it. I hardly studied and passed tests. I still hate math to this day, (numbers scare me lol). I never liked the concept of school. I felt confined. I wanted out. I remember a few weeks before my high school graduation, my family and I went out to eat and I cried because I realized I no longer would have to be in school anymore. That’s how bad I wanted to get out. I had 0 school spirit. To me, it was Groundhog Day for 18 years. Don’t get me wrong, I made great memories and cherish all the people I’ve met during that time. I left with only 2 best friends. In sophomore year I began experimenting with music production, specifically hip hop beats. Right away I knew that this was my passion. It’s been my whole life since then. I have put in years of practice and still spend hours just creating. I have made it my career and I love it. The thing is, I have made no money off it yet. I’m not mad at that, I just know I have to work harder. This is where I don’t like saying that I’m “gifted”, I just know that I’m pretty good at making beats. But after high school, I skimmed thru parts of the history of philosophy and read numerous things about old and new ideas of existentialism. I started to realize that life is pretty meaningless, that it didn’t matter what you did in life because death would come one day. But why was I so motivated to be a successful and rich music producer? I called it “optimistic nihilism” (I think it’s pretty funny). Obviously they contradict each other, but I thought maybe if nothing matters and eventually we all die, why not use that as an advantage? As in, do whatever you want that makes you happy while you’re here, because one day you will die. Reading about Steve Jobs and Epictetus made me form and mix ideas to support my own philosophy. But I think I may have gone too far. I’m not as happy as I used to be. I’m lazier, apathetic, sad, angry, frustrated, and scared. Music production only does so much. I can’t work when I get into these moments. The thing is, I mastered my mask. I show people that I’m fine. I tell people that I’m okay. I never bring up my thoughts and concerns. Instead, others come to me because in their eyes I’m so happy and have things figured out. I’m like a sponge, I soak in the worries of others. I don’t like seeing others in pain or hurt, I think that’s why comedy and laughter is my first response. Very often I see a mirror in Robin Williams. The man was a comedic genius, but underneath the mask, he was in pain. I too think the ones who laugh or make others laugh the most are hiding something. And before this article, I’ve always noticed that gifted and great people in history met undesirable fates. I think of all the rock legends who killed themselves, actors/actresses, poets, authors, painters, artists in general usually suffer the most for some reason. It’s weird. I can’t say if I’m depressed because I haven’t gotten an official diagnosis, same with ADHD or any other mental illness. I also feel whiny or needy if were to go get professional help, because I feel like for therapists and psychologists it’s “just a job”. I don’t know what I’ll do. I like to talk to the universe a lot and sometimes that helps but I just don’t know. I don’t want kids because life is just terrible. I have been with my gf for 3 years but we’ve been friends for 6. She kinda has an idea of where my head is at but not enough to see a problem. I don’t feel like confiding in anyone. I keep wanting to just delete this long post because I think it’s pointless. The only thing I have 100% confidence in to help me is music. From rock to jazz to classical to gospel to even the Chinese ehru instrument. If it invokes an emotion, than I like it. I also want to say to others that you’re not alone. Life is a marathon, not a race. Hopefully things work out.
Other on 7/13/2019
I’m just going to keep this short. I experienced this crisis a number of times in my life. I felt like what is the point to it all and how can I do something that makes a difference. When I have the flu like last week for example and I contemplated life when I was in a bad state of low energy I was completely lost and felt so alone. It was an absolutely horrible experience that caused deep pain. But after a few days I started to go out and get some sun back into my system those questions that I was asking myself seemed to be absurd. “I’m never going to do such and such in my lifetime. Blahblah blah” when I die I won’t have any idea what is happening anyway. I believe I will have moved on to that next plane of existence where the stuff in this world has no significance whatsoever. I have a YouTube channel that deals with this kind of stuff and it is also a platform that allows me to be creative and think which is what you need to do all the time if you want to avoid falling into a pit of despair. Sometimes having these episodes makes us stronger people. We wouldn’t have known this side of ourselves if we had never encountered this and we wouldn’t be able to progress in our existence. The key thing here is not to dwell on it because it is pointless www.youtube.com/therubberstudiosasmr
Student on 7/9/2019
Most of the comments are individualized assessments of how they suffer from existential depression and to what degree it reaches them. It is interesting reading these and still seeing the variety in which people deal with these things. I myself take comfort in reading these comments and wish to give my story. I have always had to deal with it from a very young age. I was obsessed with making permanence out of things belonging to an impermanent nature. I would play with action figures, but then feel like there was no point in playing with them because when I was done there would be nothing to show for it. I instead began recording the names of the action figures onto a sheet of paper and pitting them in duels with one another. The victor would then receive a tally for each win. Sometimes tournaments would be held between the greatest winners. This strange behavior only became worse. I then felt that my games were too dependent on personal taste and bias, so I would introduce dice or playing cards to make the fighting fair. Say if one fighter rolled a higher number 5 out of 9 times, he won and received the coveted tally. This still became worse. I would go periods of time where I would lose interest and do other things, get back into it a year or so later, then throw all the lists away because I was older and had made a better system, or in general did not remember the fights so I would want to redo it. It was all about creating a story, but having a tangible result from my play time. These habits followed me through the years. I found videogames around the age of 10 and they recorded your progress! So i would play these games and attempt to unlock every single thing in the game and do every thing possible. If there were multiple save slots I would fill them all with completed games, and I would never trade in or sell a game I already played. I would make lists of games I have played and ones I would want to play in the future. This was because the amount of choices were overwhelming (many games come out over the course of a year, and nobody has the time to play them all.) If I could make a list of ones that generally interest me, and update it as new ones come out, then I could feel like I would not accidentally skip over one, give me a sense of completion by crossing games off the list, and I would have a list to look at instead of feeling the need to look back over some online database constantly that recorded every game that ever came out (Which could take hours at a time.) I am now 20 years old, about to graduate with a bachelors in Philosophy (An interest based on these problems) and am in the midst of making big decisions in my life. I have been working these last few years to fight against some of these occupations and concerns. My studies have helped a lot. Festinger's dissonance theory, the writings of the french existentialists, and my own methods and techniques for controlling some of these tendencies. I can't help but still fall under their influence from time to time, and in some cases I completely give in. I have a very organized music play list that compiles my two favorite song from each album a musician I like or in general accept has put out (600+ songs) of which I search for and add to by listening to albums from beginning to end in my car (Thanks Spotify!.) I also have a tidy to do list, I have a system for learning new vocab words I glean from books I read, I have an organized library (digital and physical) a list for tattoos I would like and already have, etc. Somebody has commented saying it is a gift, and to some degree I agree. My ability to organize and sift through information is formidable. Also, I have developed the skill of explaining things in depth (I have been in search of people who understand things like this for some time and was afraid that perhaps they are everywhere but I could not communicate my own position well enough to attract their attention, so I learned how to.) There are other ways it comes up too, but this comment is long enough. These things do come in waves. Sometimes things seem not so bad and I feel very free, other times I feel suffocated by the limitations of time and schedule. I am extremely sensitive to time. I have all of these interests, and this obsessive want to complete things, but do not have the time to do it all (A thing many other comments have shared and I appreciate that.) I thing often of an analogy of Sartre: Life unfolds around him like a set of doors. For every door he walks through, an infinite amount of doors shut in his face permanently. Every decision dooms him to a life he has chosen, with no hope for what exists elsewhere. This stands out to me strongly because it is TRUE. Every decision is a sacrifice, whether it be financial, time, or other. I can also do some quick calculations in my head, which helps me none. Not too long ago I was reading a book, then stopped halfway through, and began again a month later remembering very little of what I had read. This spurned on a crisis that was hard to get through. I thought as follows "What if I did manage to read the way I wish I could, let's say a book a week. Well I am 20, so I am starting now. That would be 52 books a year, 4160 books in my lifetime IF i lived until 100 (52 X 100 = 5200, then take away a 1/5, so 1000 from 5000 and 40 from 200, then subtract 1040 from 5200.) Now let's say I remember even 10% of the books (Which I believe one remembers much less line by line, but this is an exaggeration that still results in something depressing.) That means I will only remember 416 books worth form all that time spent! What an insignificant result, and that is IF I sacrificed all of that time to read a book a week. Insert all my other hobbies, interests, necessary work, etc and shit goes downhill real fast. This leaves me feeling hopeless and bitter. Another thing stacked against me is I have a bad memory for experiences. I can remember names, dates, those sorts of things pretty well. But experiences in my life I lose quickly and most of what I do recall I am afraid I fill in most of the detail. This makes a lot of what I want to do seem meaningless if it results in something impermanent. There is so much more I want to write but if it is too long, nobody will read it :) Anyway, I have written a lot about me and could continue writing. As I said, I have found comfort in this page and all the comments. For that reason, I wish to provide my email as many of you have, please feel free to reach out. I would love to have a conversation about these sorts of things and hear about another persons experiences. Perhaps share tips and in general build that sense of community. And thank you anybody who takes the time to read this. NKIRO001@plattsburgh.edu
Student on 4/30/2019
I just read the article and all the comments from 09. I am 19 and I went through that existential depression 3 years ago. Still there are some triggers that make me go through that. But I just feel better knowing that I am not the only one who goes through these kind of things. Nowadays it's just a frustration of people not understanding me, whenever there is an emotional breakdown or mental panic attack nobody understands what I'm going through and they just see my irritation over small things.
Other on 4/25/2019
I’m 24 and I am and in the middle of a huge existential crisis and I found myself here after googling “anxiety relating to how I spend my time” “unhealthy relationship with time”. Not living up to my potential paralyses me with fear and I find myself holding different beliefs and truths each Day. I am indecisive and I feel like I’m procrastinating big life decisions and time is slipping away. I have a loving supportive mother and I grew up with her telling me that my sensitivity is a gift and that I have given her new perspectives on existence and death - but I can’t help but worry that i can’t live in modern society. I can’t make a decision on what I want to study because I worry that I will be left disinterested and stuck. What is more terrifying; freedom of choice or circumstance? I broke down to my boyfriend last night and expressed these worries - that I’m having trouble finding meaning in my life, I have so much to say and beauty to give people and I’m scared I don’t have the language or medium to touch anyone. I’m scared of living a meaningless life. He said all I can do is live authentically. Sometimes you do a full 360 and find complexity in a cliche “be yourself” - err. Writing this down has helped. Very lucky to have patient loved ones.
Other on 4/23/2019
Hi everyone, I was so suprised by this article, but even more suprised how many other people identified with it, and have felt the same as I have going through life. I finally found others who can understand what it's like. I have been feeling especially down lately. Maybe I will reach out to one of you who have offered your emails.
Other on 4/4/2019
I am 22 years old and graduated university 1 year ago. For most of my life I have struggled with the persistent thoughts on what is the meaning of life. I have always felt this intrinsic difference between myself and all others around me. Growing up and especially now in my life I feel like people don’t understand things I see/think and there is some greater universal power at hand. I agree with everything this article says and all the amazing comments people are leaving. Like others on this thread, I have never commented on anything online in my entire life (Even so much as left a review). Sometimes I find myself explaining my thoughts and no one can seem to comprehend the essence of the words I try to get across. I have felt the loneliness of no one understanding me even my own family. When I tried to put a term on what was happening I thought that it was almost 'Existential Depression'. Seemingly enough I have never heard of this word or even googled it before it started to ring in my mind. I have never brought my ideas of actual existentialism and relativity of our life and actions into conversation with my family or friends because from tried (and failed) attempts. I try to ease into a conversation to see how people think and react to the subtleties of my words. I try to truly understand, when in deep conversation, if someone has the true innate thought of existentialism or more of a facade. People I have met in don’t seem to understand or comprehend the notions of life I try to get across. I live a very normal life with a good job and good family/friends but feel like I have this unnerving pressure in my chest at all times of the day. Although I don’t see it as being depressed I see it as being different (in a good way). We get a perspective on life that some will never be able to see. We can view the world and our own wellbeing in a way to empower ourselves and our natural gifted ability. We essentially transcend reality by being able to comprehend the beginning of existence and life as we know it in terms people can’t even imagine (literally other people sometimes don’t understand our thoughts). The universe we live in only exists in our laws of physics. Time is inescapable, but time only exists now and in our ever-expanding solar system. Prior to the big bang there was no time. Therefore, there was no prior to the big bang. It in an incomprehensible plane of reality that ���existed’. We live in a reality that we created. It is not a depression but the more I think about it is a gift. Having the gift of existential thought allows us in our lives to ultimately understand, analyze, and operate in almost a different time and space in history that only other like-minded individuals operate. This in turn gives me the peace of mind of free will. After reading what everybody has written it is like other analogies I have read, I have been color blind my whole life and now I can see in color. My thoughts of existentialism and meaning of life has tied me to a deep thought into the universe, the cosmos, and life. It is hard for me to express my thoughts in writing and therefore this is the first time I have ever done this. I feel the need to share because as I get older (I do know I’m still very young) these thoughts have propelled me to view life differently but also embrace the gift I, and others, have been born with. Although I can feel alone like many others I know now that I am not alone, but I am together with a group of like-minded people traveling through life and time in a unique perspective and great appreciation for what we have. There is a 1 and 400 trillion chance to be born a sentient human being on earth and I am thankful for the eye opening luck and thought on life, and everything we have in it, to enjoy it.
Student on 3/29/2019
God there are a lot of comments here and they really made me feel not so alone and in the dark. I totally agree with what some others commented that I feel like none of my friends and other people understand my mind and thinking. Like I just stayed home from school for a week, I’m 15, and like I did not even know why, I just started thinking that there is no point and I just can’t ignore the thougts of existence and why everything happens and why people behave in surtain ways. My parents just don’t understand these things and they just think I’m crazy or depressed and say that ”everyone goes through hard things”. Its just really hard to express my thougts and feelings sometimes, I have tried therapy but it did not really work. This is getting really long but yeah if anyone wants to talk about these things it would be cool. Bye
Other on 3/23/2019
Wow what an article. Fascinating to read all of the comments here also. I am a 30 year old who has dealt with existential dread regularly since childhood and now at 30 I’m going through it very strongly, especially the reality of death which feels like it’s here right now. What is the point or meaning of life to me? Well, we are here to simply experience, to have fun, to play, learn, to grow and to appreciate. We are the universe experiencing itself in the form of a sentient human being. We scientifically all come from stardust, from the Big Bang, we are literally “all one.” There is no differentiation between each of us, nature, the universe - It’s like one giant organism - it’s only the ego that creates this illusion of separation and that illusion of separation really influences feelings of isolation, of pointlessness. The Remy quote comes to mind “You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop.” I believe this with conviction, especially as this idea is actually backed by science. I like to think outside the box a bit but also love logic and evidence based theory. These are just my thoughts but they do bring me great peace. What has also helped me with understanding myself (and so understanding others and my place in the world) has been plant medicine and psychedelics. These are very powerful tools. Anyone here feel free to email me for a chat, I’d love to speak with likeminded people. louisafburns88@hotmail.com
Parent on 2/20/2019
My son is 11 years old and his existential questioning has been evident since he was 7 years old. One time when he was about 8 years old he asked if we ever wondered the answer to the question "who am I?" He has asked so many profound questions not common for his age. It is sometimes difficult to deal with his questions but your article has given me some insight and wisdom. Thank you. My key lessons: 1. Touch is a powerful assurance of existence. 2. They are gifted and potentially will experience depression every now and then. 3. Show them what a purpose drive life is about
Student on 2/14/2019
Wow. Thank you and bless everyone who reads this. You put into words what i could not. Wow
Other on 1/13/2019
This is the first thing I have ever come across that has ever even come close to describing the labyrinth of my mind. It is almost like taking a breath for the first time or seeing colour. I am eternally grateful for these words!
Other on 1/12/2019
To 'Other on 1/10/2019'. I absolutely loved reading your comment - yep, yep and yep. My soul recognises yours or, we speak the same language; whichever suits. Willful existentialism has been my passport to exiting the social construct by deeply scrutinising (internally and externally) the big paradigms like, 'hope, success, purpose' and the big one, 'meaning'. Why does anything have to have meaning? Having broken down (still breaking down) these artificial programs in myself, I thank the heavens I have a strong support network around me to catch me as I return again and again to dust only to fall 'meaninglessly' through the cosmos! Thank you for this amazing article and for your brilliantly insightful comment.
Other on 1/10/2019
Wow! Thank you! I am old and this has applied to me more and more regularly but manifested early.... Nowhere near as smArt as gifted folks here but.... Born with distinctive past life recall in which existence vs essence .... And where there WAS great depth of wisdom in the past .... Like... Having to learn how one gets the proper body and finds one's people.... I was supposed to be an adult and with people who had deep emotional intelligence and committment to the sanctity... That wholeness... Of life.... And much of my life has been lived in an empathic fog... Not sure which emotions are mine or where boundaries exist since I had a spiritual awakening, which was before a serious life altering mishap involving nervous system. Ho hum. For all who feel disconnected from meaning, a very fabulous healing experience is offered by Reconnective therapy. If it is done to the height of it's potential, it WILL be a life-changer!!!! It WILL rearrange things in a supra conscious fashion AND bring forward the REASONS for those existential feelings, which will have a concrete earthbound feel again. Earth is a cramped existence, psychically speaking. Consciousness has no end, and the bodily experience can really be a harsh reality!! Combine that with genius? Hmmm. Glad I didn't have more than just smart going on or I could have wound up dead before 10 given the violence of my childhood home. Thank you for this post. My therapist looked at me like I was nuts when I said, can you establish for certain that existence is superior to, ie, better than, no existence? To me, and to Buddha, nonexistence of the self... There is no self... Just experience ... Seems a very real comfort. Intelligent people are the ones who can get a whiff of ghost behind the apparent solid world without really putting too much effort into it... But if one also realizes the self is also a ghost... And then there is that beautiful return to that unconditional Unity... Meditation may be the only way to end the cycle... The quest for meaning is just a fairy tale. Lovely ... But what is really meaning? To hold the hands of a living creature, to be present in another's suffering, to gently caress what is sentient... To relate so deeply to the world that it is one with one's beating heart. Yeah. One such moment is a universe of meaning. Thank you all for being part of this world, and this moment, and for all meaning you embody in all ways.... And for sharing your beautiful selves on this forum. Sorry for blabbing. May all experience whatever would be liberating, enjoyable, satisfactory, and durable without reference to relative conditions, if ever such is or could be possible... And on absolute terms, may it be kind, loving, and gentle... There being so much sharp and acrid in intellect if one is not careful about rounding it out and making it also a bit gritty and humorous and fun. Fun has its place!! I may get some bubbles tomorrow and treat myself to just letting go......
Other on 1/5/2019
To student 9/24/2018. I just recently learned a really interesting word. Solipsism. You know how when you learn something new it seems to pop up everywhere you go all the time after that? This is like that! Haha 😆! So: Solipsism is the philosophical idea that only one's own mind is sure to exist. As an epistemological position, solipsism holds that knowledge of anything outside one's own mind is unsure; the external world and other minds cannot be known and might not exist outside the mind. Good luck my friend. I myself have been in a continuous state of existential metamorphosis, wishing that I would just figure it out already!
Educator on 1/5/2019
Like so many who have posted, this has been my experience from a very young age. I hope this helps someone: Eventually, I came to feel that my hope for and conception of meaning was the last barrier to peace. At last I asked myself, “What if you do accept that the only meaning is the meaning you create and that since three is nothing else for it you get busy creating it? Is there a good? What to you is “good?” There is your purpose: increase the good. Make life better when, where and as you can for others.” Accepting the limitations of time when you know you can do almost anything (and love doing almost everything) is now the most depressing bit to me. But, at least I can embrace my “purpose” as a replacement for a futile idea of “meaning.” The temporary nature of forms is a bummer, but I when those thoughts arise, I think of increasing the good as the only affirmative response that has any... meaning.
Other on 12/11/2018
This is the closest thing I have read to how i feel every day. I can't mention it to anyone with out them completely misunderstanding what I am saying. I try to tell them, I get this pain in my chest everytime I think about past relationships, that it's the only relationship we will have with that person. That we can't go back, I can't start over, I will never be complete. I feel like, I am a body, bones, blood, lungs, breathing every day, just to die, to be nothingness. Why do I feel this way, i have a good job, an amazing boyfriend, great friends, but no matter what I have no one. I feel alone.
Student on 11/19/2018
Wow. This is me. Suffering from this sort of thinking is something that I've come to terms with more recently as an underlying source of many of my mood swings. One minute, I'm writing (writing is kind of the "cause" that I've buried myself in, along with drawing and singing), and the next, I'm wondering what the point is. I've always tried to stomp existential thoughts out of my mind because I saw them as counter productive and stupid, especially because I'm 12 and shouldn't be thinking about these things, but it's really something that I can't ignore as this point. The comments and the article make me feel so much less alone. This description is spot on and makes me cry every time. Thank you.
Student on 11/18/2018
Thank you so much for this article. This is my first time ever commenting on anything online but I really am very grateful for this. I'm 15 years old and I always feel like my world inside of my head is miles away from the world everyone else is living in. I haven't found anyone who thinks and sees things like I do so reading all the comments here is just insane and incredibly comforting. I really appreciate everyone sharing their experiences so I thought I'd do the same. Whoever you are, you're not alone, trust me.
Student on 9/24/2018
This is the first time I'm commenting on a blog on internet. I've been through this so called existential crysis from a long time, which I read might even be a side effect of ocd(the disease which is the most important thing in my life in both good and bad ways), and what I do to overcome this everytime is that I just think to myself, the only conscious being in this world is me and rest all humans are programmed to behave the way they do (even they are programmed to say they are conscious) and they too don't know about it. And I'm the only one who is truly conscious and truly human and thus every single thing I do counts and is the only thing that counts in this universe. This kind of thinking gives me a reason to live, everytime. Just think like this deeply. Hope it helps. PS : This all might be true because the only person I've lived as is me.
Other on 8/12/2018
My gawd! I'm 37 now but this is me. From as early as I can remember. I still struggle daily with it. Wow.
Student on 8/5/2018
I take comfort in the fact that death is inevitable as it leads me on to think that nothing ultimately matters. With this, the social pressures, expectations. and worries no longer bothers me. In fact, I feel rather free. This idea has allowed me to do things, take risks, and be fearless. It is a notion that livens me.
Other on 6/13/2018
Hello, I know it's a bit late to comment but I would like to thank you so much for the post! I finally understand my thoughts and emotions and what it is. What do I do now?
Other on 5/29/2018
Keep this website up - for eternity. It'll help fellow nihilists get a sense that they aren't alone in this - regardless of the space and time they read this article in. email: yashkadel@gmail.com
Other on 5/17/2018
Hello everyone! Like many of you, I have struggled with the sense of meaningless of everyday surface life since I was a very young child. I felt all this ordinary life stuff was not for me; I was in search of deeper truth, deeper harmony. The most important thing, I think, is to know you are not alone in your, sometimes desperate or frantic, search for meaning. The other point I have to offer is that having such an active mind can make it hard to find balance between struggling to solve life’s riddles, and accepting that they may not be solved today. :-)
Student on 4/21/2018
Wonderful article. I never bothered looking into how I felt until now and I was very pleased to find an article that accurately depicted the struggles I'm going through at the time. This article gave me a sense of security no amount of hugs could ever give.
Other on 4/4/2018
The outreach of others in the comments for no other reason than support and a chance to express oneself has moved me deeply. After perusing the article and comments, I decided to reach out to one of these individuals. I had no idea what it was that I needed to say, yet it turned into a three page email that included insight into my past and current difficulties with existential depression. Because of this, I would like to follow the example those before me have set and offer my email for any who needs it. It is encouraging to see such kindness. tstill0607@gmail.com
Student on 3/20/2018
I read this a couple of months ago and like many of the others who have commented below, it brought me to tears. I frequently visit this page and read the second paragraph. Specifically... "If we must die, if we construct our own world, and if each of us is ultimately alone, then what meaning does life have?" Reading the comments gives me a sense of community and hope. Maybe I do not have to be "ultimately alone." I have been trying to connect with individuals who suffer from what my University's therapist once called an "existential crisis." I would love to hear from anyone who feels compelled. My email is mourerkianna@gmail.com.
Other on 1/30/2018
I've felt like this since childhood. It's profoundly saddening and isolating to find life, all life in the universe, meaningless and without intrinsic value. My own life has no inherent meaning, every action I take is trivial, the entirety of the human species is trivial when confronted with the vast nothingness of the unknowable universe and the endlessness of time. I wish I was ignorant of it.
Parent on 1/27/2018
Thanks for this. I began my journey at 7 and still struggle in middle age. I see it in my 8 year old now and while he's not going to be able to crawl into my lap much longer, I can support him in a way that was missing from my own life. It's hard to be an elementary kid questioning the point of anything while everyone else seems focused or content. I prefer to start working on coping strategies now than wait until I'm faced with the volatility of a nihilistic 15 year old convinced life is complete arbitrary nonsense.
Student on 11/30/2017
Yes. If anyone has heard of a little group called IB then they certainly relate to this. In my experience, adopting a sort of optimistic-nihilism seems appropriate.
Other on 11/27/2017
The most wondrous thing about this article is the author's ability to accurately express in words how we all truly feel. I refer to 'we' not strictly as 'intellectually gifted children', but as anyone who has had the misfortune of enduring such existential thoughts in their lives. I do not wish to discredit the author, and I'm sure there is overwhelming evidence that 'gifted' individuals may experience this much more than others, but if you're reading this article and these comments, you came here for answers and consolidation. I was 14 when I had my first anxiety attack regarding the existential question of human mortality and meaninglessness. I cried to my mum in fear, saying things like 'I don't want to die, it's not fair' etc. Knowing that she was there for me to listen was good enough at the time, and I was able to 'get over' my bout of depression within a short period. These feelings have come and gone over the years, in forms of small anxiety attacks, but the more serious ones have been extremely infrequent. I am now 21 years old and have recently experienced probably the worst episode to date. Every waking moment of the day I constantly, and without purpose or intention, reflect and contrast every aspect of life to the reality of meaninglessness. It wears me down, it bothers me, it upsets me and I want to relieve myself of this state of mind. This time I have been unable to use myself to overcome these fears and have opened up to my family. They have been unbelievably supportive, but no matter how many times they say to me "you're not alone, other people feel this way", it never quite satisfies me, so here I am. After reading these comments... I cried. I cried so much, and not from sadness but a whole range of feelings. There is comfort. Comfort that your stories are so similar to mine... almost identical. It was so surprisingly reassuring to learn this that I can't help but cry as I write this. The simple fact that my mind has had a whole 15 minutes of mental relief from the constant barrage of negative and depressing thoughts is overwhelming. Thank you for writing this article. Thank you for reading this comment. Thank you to everyone for sharing your experiences, questions, feelings, and fears. I rarely leave comments, but today is a different day. This page has been bookmarked, because if I ever need to return to it, I know that it will provide some level of comfort and peace. If anyone wants to reach out to me just email me at alastair.wuth@gmail.com. Thank you again, I hope you are able to find solace in just one more experience shared here.
Student on 11/17/2017
I've experienced this throughout my life, though I only came across this article when I was about 14. It helped me to come to terms with the fact that other people think about the same things that I do. Sometimes, the world feels so alone because no one that I physically see knows how it feels to feel this way. Many people consider it to be overdramatic and simply expect me to get on with my life. I'm 16 and graduating high school this year and I still have no idea what I'm doing with my life. I feel as if everything except for research has no meaning but research is a difficult field of employment to get into. My school offers no support to anyone who who doesn't want to be a doctor or businessperson and I have no direction in my life. I too am interested in how individuals live as adults because I need a model to look up to in order to provide me with a sense of direction.
Educator on 11/15/2017
Thank you for the article. I definitely fall inside this experience! And I appreciate the inquiry. I am an adult now. I have to say that it occurs as exclusive to say that only gifted children often have this experience. Who is to say that? It could be a bit presumptuous. I do believe it is it the result of being alive on the planet and some people are simply more sensitive to it than others. I find comfort and camaraderie in hearing others share their experience. I have found that transformation work has helped such as Landmark Worldwide. Thanks for all that shared.
Student on 11/15/2017
I have stumbled upon this article many times throughout the past couple of years, as I go in an out of periods of intense existential questioning. Each time I come back, I always fascinated in reading the new comments that are shared. I thought I would leave a comment too. I just want to say hello, fellow human. Though we will likely never meet, I have felt a connection to you through our shared disconnection with life. You make me feel less alone in my thoughts. I hope to meet someone like you someday and I wish you the best :)
Other on 11/7/2017
When I was young, and still to this day, I have moments where I feel like everything I'm doing is pointless because all I'm going to do is die. Even if I do make a mistake, or even if I choose the right path that leads me to a brilliant life, still my life would have been so small. What if I had chosen a different career? Would it have been better? I won't ever get the chance again. I think about what I've done with my life, and how short life is, and it makes me angry and sad thay I've wasted my time doing such trivial things. And yet, at the same time, I know that it will make no difference in the end, because I will die. Vanish, unknown and not remembered. When I was a child, I remember crying in fear to myself one night, and telling my parents "I don't want to die." I got told that I was being silly and I wouldn't die, but still now I fear the endless abyss. Why is life so short? Why even start it if all that will happen is it will get snatched away. I don't know if I'm smart enough to be some gifted child. I don't think I am. But I can at least relate to some of this.
Student on 10/2/2017
Thank you so much for this article! I have dealt with this existential crises since I was asked the big question earlier in my teens, "what is next?" I can never forget everyone's reactions in the room. It is until later I realized I could not forget about it. Then I continued to ponder on this one for the years to come...everyday becoming a bigger concern and leading me sometimes to a state of depression and fear. To think that it started as something small. I wish my family would have realized about this gift. Now, I'm in my 20s, I'm still looking for answer to my questions and am pleased to read this article. It's been very helpful.
Educator on 9/28/2017
One of the earliest memories I have is feeling so sad because I couldn't live everybody's lives haha - to this day I have trouble focussing on one thing at a time.
Student on 9/22/2017
I would like to thank you for conducting this research, for I have always felt that those around me were simply oblivious to these questions in my mind. To me, these questions seem extremely worrisome and important, but others seem to be blissfully unaware of them. I have felt alone in this struggle, but this article has helped to assure me of two things. The first being that others do have these thoughts, and the second being it is a quality of exceptionally gifted young people. What I would like to follow up on, however, is what are the adult lives of these people like? Do the same issues persist? Become worse? Quell themselves? Also, how many kids with this conundrum end up taking the easy way out? Once again, I appreciate your paper, and if willing, I would love to have a chat with you.
Other on 9/3/2017
Thank you for this article--it's already helped me so much. Since around the age of 10 or so, I've been both depressed and consumed by the big existential questions. But I think it makes more sense to see these issues as tied together in the concept of "existential depression" because it describes me in a way that the individual parts don't fully explain. I wish I had a resource like this when I was a teenager; it would have been incredibly useful to share with others (especially parents). It's comforting to read everybody's testimonials. I did cry quite a bit while reading, and it was all the more heartwarming to know that others did too. Also, I appreciated the bit about the importance of touch, and I'm glad others shared about that too. I have always been incredibly stimulated and comforted by physical touch. Communication rarely makes me feel less isolated, so maybe physical contact can effectively relieve that feeling of isolation since it doesn't depend on thought. I just wanted to say, as far as coping with this stuff goes, I've managed to find a few really great solutions (though applying them is not always so easy). First, meditation. There are lots of kinds, but it can help you to clear your head (to push aside the questions), develop compassion for others (to avoid getting frustrated by feeling misunderstood), and develop appreciation (to focus more on all the small, wonderful parts of life). Second, reading. People like us are rare, but we're massively over-represented among philosophers, religious thinkers, poets, and novelists. I find a lot of solace in reading these folks. (Epictetus, Schopenhauer, and Kafka have been among the most friendly to me.) Third, finding a way to make yourself useful to the world. This is different for everyone, and takes a while to figure out. We're good at, and interested in, lots of things. So I'd say: Choose the path that makes the greatest contribution to the well-being of others. And if there are a few options still, then it doesn't matter. More important than making the "right" choice in this situation is being able to live with it.
Student on 7/16/2017
I'm only 14, but I didn't know quite why I have been asking these questions. I have bouts of what I now understand to be existential depression quite frequently, in fact, and have been having them since I was five years old, though they were much less frequent back then. I don't really get any support or help with these issues, but they truly do have a very big effect on my life and I'm glad that it's not just me, and I'm not just crazy and unable to let myself fall into compliance with what all the other kids are doing. This article helped a lot with understanding, at least, although I don't think that it'll just go away after reading an informational article. I think I'll end up showing this to my mom, seeing as maybe it'll help her to understand more why I've been like this all these years, and I'm sure it will give her some sort of peace of mind in knowing that it's not just me, similar to how I'm feeling now.
Student on 7/7/2017
thank you so much for this article.For the past 2 years,ive been asking these very same questions(I'm turning 19),and I still find myself pondering on questions and reasons that simply have no answers.I strongly feel that this has also had an impact on my academics and just..life in general...and,to prove that touch may be a factor,im a border and unlike my most of my teenage friends,im single..and I must say..the depression feels a bit more intensified because of the absensce of my parents and just real friends. Thanks to your article,im staring to see my line of thought in a positive light...and perhaps as I grow both in mind and spirit..ill get the answers..in fact,im positive I will:)
Student on 6/10/2017
I wish my parents had read this when I was growing up. I had these exact feelings from about the age of 14 and have continued to have them all my life. I am now 41. I found the poem quoted in the article very depressing. I guess I have reached a point where I feel I no longer have any dreams and am worried about the future. However, my main reason for commenting is to say that this is not just a childhood or teenage thing and I find the reference to the mid-life crisis slightly demeaning. If you feel this way as a child due to your ability to reflect more deeply than those around you then the chances are that you will always feel like it. Although it is difficult to live with, remember that it is not a disability. It is a gift and you need to find a way, with the support of teachers and parents to make the most of your creativity and intellect. The sooner you recognise this and get support the sooner you can get on the right track and start making a great contribution to the world. Perhaps even make it a better place. This must be a great feeling.
Student on 6/5/2017
Just because you understand why something happens doesn't answer the problem. Only something bigger than ourselves, something outside of ourselves, can hold the truth. Hugs are nice, but they don't solve it, it just means you have company in this crappy problem. If we hunger for something that is not satisfied in this world, maybe we are made to be fulfilled by something outside of it. (c.s. Lewis) It would be strange if we developed a hunger for something outside of ourselves if we were the only thing around us. Do "normal" adults and "normal" kids never think about this? Is it really so easy to walk around with your head in a cloud? There has to be a point. I feel like this article just comes up with creative ways to move boxes around in an attic. It makes things look different, but truly changes nothing.
Student on 5/27/2017
I want to thank the author and everyone that commented for your meaningful words. Even if it has always been clear to me that I'm not the only one to experience these thoughts, it is comforting to remind myself of that. I've been haunted by these feelings for nearly half of my relatively short life now. I'm impressed how truthfully this article portraits them. I was particularly touched by the part about the role of physical touch, as it reminded me of my aversion to being touched back when I tended to use general denial, suicidal ideation, and other forms of intensifying the emotional pain to get some sense of control as a 'coping strategy'. Now, when I'm getting more and more certain that the feelings of existential uncertainty will never leave me, I try to rather accept their presence, accept the structure of my mind and self, and try to create something worthwhile within it. Wish a meaningful life to everyone ;)
Other on 5/25/2017
I have struggled with these feelings from a very early age. I can't remember a time where I wasn't analyzing everyone and wondering why they care about meaningless nothings, rather than important things in life. I am 19 now. There was a day last summer where I went to a friends house. She was my best friend for a while and her family was like a second family to me. I haven't spoke to any of them since that day. Both parennts, my friend, her sister, and her sisters friend were all in a room with me, after having dinner. I just sat there and really listened to what they werell talking about. They rambled about the Kardashians, new fashion, the Bachlor, and I couldn't join the conversation even if I wanted too. All adults in the room, and not one was capable of talking about something meaningful. I found myself welling up and excused myself to cry in the bathroom. I had such overwhelming thoughts and I wanted to be alone in my bed at home. When I came backk they all were watching the finale of the Bachelor. They didnt even notice I was gone, and screamed at the reality show as if it meant so kuch to them. I left and went home. I havent made any real relationships with anyone since. I am too hesitant to have human interaction. I am afraid of my future and dont know what my life is to become. Right now it feels like nothing, so why would it change?
Student on 5/21/2017
I'm very grateful that i found this entry, i was having an existential crisis and thought of writing down how i felt and this post came out, it is comforting to see other people around the world that feel almost the same feeling with me, even if they are anonymus, i hope you are all are okay! (sorry, english isn't my first language)
Student on 4/11/2017
I am actually so glad I am not alone... I am 16 and this all started when I was 15. I know very very more than the other students I know, I always informed myself on the internet about science and I found some very deep things that broke my religious spirit, yes I was religious, from a religious (liberal of course) family... I am still in deep existential crisis about the absurdity of life, I have deep fear of what comes after death, the mere thinking of eternal darkness is turning me insane, but I have it all the time... I hope this article is right and I get out of it soon...
Student on 4/3/2017
When I was about 8 or 9 years old I cried to my dad, telling him I couldn't deal with the ultimate monotony and routine of my life. I felt it depressing and pointless to go to school every day, same time, same place, same people, come home, eat dinner and practise spellingsIt all felt pointless to me, I felt trapped by the patterns. I then went on to idealise a very plain friend from school, she was very neat and tidy, with consistent grades and she lined her pencil case with a plastic bag so that the pencils didn't mark it. I would wake up in thee morning and wish I was her, she seemed perfect and unbothered by the issues for routine and meaninglessness. To escape these feelings I would read solidly for hours, for then that would be my escape, a different world. Now I'm 19 and I alike all of you in this comments section can relate to this article and still feel the same struggle. It lays dormant but comes and goes, amazing to think it can be attributed to power.
Other on 3/5/2017
I went through this to a "T". From the frustration of multi-potentiality to the exploratory thoughts of suicide at 12. and to say I was intense would be quite an understatement haha. I had no idea this collection of words or phrases could even exist. Even at 28, I find I am still dealing with some lesser traces of this. My cause was an impossible herculean task that led to coming face to face with my deepest demon: Self-acceptance.
Student on 3/3/2017
Hold fast to dreams, For if dreams die, Life is a broken-winged bird That cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams. For if dreams go, Life is a barren field Covered with snow. Langston Hughes Sometimes we just have to let the snow fall, to give the barren field something, if anything.
Other on 2/28/2017
Try "Comfortable with Uncertainty" by Pema Chodron. It helps bring meaning to life by learning to appreciate the "now" and accept shifting emotions.
Other on 2/19/2017
Thanks a lot for this article. It's a big help. I had my first crisis at 5 when I realized that adults may be wrong and that the results of those decisions may be destructive. From that point on, I choose to go with what I FEEL is right instead of what I was told. It was difficult in the beginning but it was totally worth it. Choosing what I feel is right for me made me totally, really alien like totally, different from others, so different in fact that they called me ''stranger''. So forget about the sense of belonging, there wasn't any. Instead I had ACCEPTANCE. By being true to myself, by embracing my difference, by accepting others the way they are, I gained acceptance. Meaning, it doesn't matter whether you are gifted or not, it doesn't matter if you are different or not, you are simply being yourself, a human being. You care enough to accept yourself the way you are and you care enough to accept others the way they are. With acceptance of myself and others, something magical happened. I became able to find common grounds with others and found myself surrounded with loved ones.
Other on 1/18/2017
I also live in this type of thought process ever day, all the time. Sometimes i'm afraid to get to focused on trivial things because I haven't "solved" this problem yet. I no longer want to waste my time on video games or small minded time suckers. Everyone i know has no problem wasting day after day on meaningless musings that provide no real eternal joy, only momentary pleasure, i know will not last. I'm interested to know; how many of you had religious experiences as young children? did you go to church as a young child? I believe that it's this kind of thinking, 'what's my purpose', that is the very proof you have awoken and when your spirit is desiring to emerge from this limited dream that is life. I believe that is what "the holy spirit" is. its that awareness that we could be made so much better but were not. I mean let's embrace this wisdom. I say it's the people who DON'T seek purpose who are crazy. Not us. I look inside to what I want. I'm willing to bet most of you feel a strong desire to obey your morality and be the best you can be. How diligently do you commit yourself to satisfy this inclination? "Do unto others" have you ever asked why you feel like this? I tell you it's the holy spirit and it's real. Look to God and you will get your purpose i swear. at least i did
Student on 12/5/2016
I am also grateful to have stumbled across this entry. And I'm grateful for each and every one of you who have commented as you are all reminders that I am not alone in this. I find It really comes down to taking a different approach and defying our own negative nature because it certainly exists in all of us. We can start by finding things to be grateful for in every waking day. Those little bonds of meaning we create are what will help us remain throughout time. When we do that we use our power to give meaning and to create our own happiness. I feel like part of the existential crisis is the result of misuse of our power. But we should recognize that it's inherent that when we can't find answers on the on the outside we turn in on ourselves and if we don't have the strong foundation to answer or create the answers to our own questions it looks like doom . But if we take the time to give our own lives meaning based on what we know deep down in our hearts and based on our early childhood experiences (cz I know none of us experienced a perfect one) it gives us some direction on where we actually need to go. Which is scary sometimes because you may feel that you won't fit into the "norm" you've created for yourself by doing so. But you've already felt like the outcast so why not just go all out and seek your stability and happiness while doing it if it doesn't harm anyone else. We weren't put here to be clones of society. Peace and love!
Student on 11/23/2016
I just keep finding reasons why it would have generally been safer for me to be born in some primitive community, existentially speaking. I've always been sure that there are people who feel the same, as I've never considered myself anybody special, however gifted and multipotential I heard I was. Despite that, I come back to this article from time to time to remind myself about it and establish some kind of connection with you all for a while, even though you're anonymous; it's comforting. The article pretty much summarises what I've have to deal with all my relatively short life, from isolation to anxiety and nihilism that seem to be staying with me forever. Take care.
Other on 11/21/2016
Its really hard to overcome, especially when you can't do much about it. I started mine when I was 6-7 and it was brought on by the separation of my parents, I just messed around in School and educated myself and ended up a better person for doing so, I couldn't be educated as they were violating my freedom, I couldn't open up any other paths, Which I noticed really early on due to financial difficulties, the family house was sold, my financial future was gone and I had no lifeline. I saw everything as pointless and felt alone for a very long time, often isolating myself as I couldn't relate and experience emotions on the same level as many of my fellow pupils, I found comfort in a few people but for the most part I was antisocial unless I had some alternative motivation to be social. I just wish the internet was around "To the degree it is today" as I would of been able to learn more, but having Dial up at the time. Either way I gave meaning to my life by living it how I wanted to, I used my time to study people, I got involved with various people with the sole intention of seeing how the justify crimes etc, wondering what made them tick. I have a bit more of a positive outlook now, but it wasn't easy. Out of curiosity, did anyone else experience it young enough to physically be able to alter things like for example, "Having a poker face" I managed to craft a deep voice and a poker face, I'm always called straight faced and I am incredibly hard to read, my girlfriend is baffled by it, I'll come back and read this soon enough, so it would be nice to hear a similar story. Goodluck if you're having one :)
Student on 10/30/2016
Yeah, I overcame this type of depression at 17 with a little help from the great philosophers and religious figures of the past. That and positive music is a winning combo.
Student on 10/12/2016
I am exceptionally relieved there's some time of term for this regardless of whether it is made up or real. I've felt a deep rooted depression because of my realization of reality. I feel like nobody is genuine nor passionate almost as if everything is just made up. I've been bored with my life with nobody to relate to. I used to go out and party all the time before I put my brain into use and now I just reflect on what I deem as pointless. I prefer staying at home and doing things by myself then socializing with my old friends that don't have a care in the world. The only genuine happiness that I have felt was by reading this article and the comments below 😊 I am 19 so it is difficult to genuinely find a mind that thinks alike at this age
Student on 10/7/2016
Thanks for this. I went through this kind of depression for about a year and although it doesnt affect me anymore, its always nice to see someone helping others. Definitly with something I can relate so closely to.
Student on 10/5/2016
Thank you so much for this article. I thought I was the only one experiencing these type of episodes, but it's good to know I'm not the only one. The paragraph about needing touch is spot on. People think it's weird how touchy feely I am, but I crave physical contact and I go through these depressive states if I don't have enough contact with people. It's good to know I'm not alone in this.
Other on 8/17/2016
One last point regarding the claim that "Death is an inevitable occurrence." The following excerpt from "The Pleasure of Finding Things Out: The Best Short Works of Richard Feynman" isn't the only place I've come across such a rebuttal as this in writing, but it's one of the more recent I've found, and it's certainly not a new idea, in any case. Also, I just love Feynman for his candid whimsy, and hope you might too. "It is one of the most remarkable things that in all of the biological sciences there is no clue as to the necessity of death. If you say we want to make perpetual motion, we have discovered enough laws as we studied physics to see that it is either absolutely impossible or else the laws are wrong. But there is nothing in biology yet found that indicates the inevitability of death. This suggests to me that it is not at all inevitable, and that it is only a matter of time before the biologists discover what it is that is causing us the trouble and that that terrible universal disease or temporariness of the human's body will be cured." Food for thought.
Other on 8/16/2016
I leave this comment in an attempt to help. I think one of the most difficult things (gifted) people struggle to cope with is the need to accept the world as it is, despite its many perceived flaws. Sagan said it like this in episode 11 of his Cosmos series, in reference to the evolution of New York City: "It might be more efficient if all civic systems were periodically replaced from top to bottom, but, as in the [biological evolution of the] brain everything has to work during the renovation. So the city mostly adds new parts while the old parts continue, more or less, to function." The efficiency argument is debatable. It might be more efficient on its own once the effort to replace everything is done, but this comes at the high cost of shutting everything down in the meantime. Further, improvements are always coming. How do you know when to pull the trigger on the decision to renovate? Might you shut down the city and begin renovation, only to realize that someone has discovered yet another new better way? How long do you wait to commit to one before you commence the top-to-bottom renovation? Coming to the realization that evolution is something that reaches into many more realms than just Biology (as is commonly taught in classrooms) has helped me to better understand and cope with the frustrations of the world. I've learned to better recognize and affect positive change where I can, and 'kick the can down the road' on the things that are not yet ripe for change. In this way, the so-called Serenity Prayer is spot on, sans all the religious associations. Perhaps a more appropriate analogy, then, would be the Neurathian bootstrap: "We are like sailors who on the open sea must reconstruct their ship but are never able to start afresh from the bottom. Where a beam is taken away a new one must at once be put there, and for this the rest of the ship is used as support. In this way, by using the old beams and driftwood the ship can be shaped entirely anew, but only by gradual reconstruction." I hope this helps.
Student on 8/15/2016
I've just turned 15 and I'm relieved to know a bit more of these episodes I experience every few months. Where I question if the goals I'm setting for my future are really all that important when I realize my position in this universe. The effort I put into school is all that important.
Parent on 7/26/2016
This article is spot on. The description of the experience of being this way is very accurate. I'm a parent and have been this way for as long as I can remember. I started programming on a computer when I was 8. By 12 I had mastered it. I was always getting bored and feeling restricted by the limitations of things. I still do to some extent but I understand why things are the way they are and that constraints of this nature are part of normal existence. My daughter is the same way but I find she is coping with it way better than I did because as a parent with the same gift (or curse depending on how you look at it) I understand her and she understands me. My parents were not the sharpest tools in the shed and ill-equipped to deal with this type of child. There was always a lack of understanding and empathy and a sense especially from one parent in particular of "why can't you just get with the program?" They did the best they could with their limited awareness and understanding though. Thanks for writing this!
Parent on 7/15/2016
Thank you so much for this. I have a 10-year-old son who is going through something dramatic at the moment - he has autism and for two weeks has been a very angry, very violent child, with all of his aggression aimed at me (I'm a single mother and he's my only child. It's a very intense relationship). This evening his tension finally broke for a while and he approached me to talk to me about what he's been going through. He's grappling with questions of such enormity that I don't feel anyone has the answers - what is a child? Where is my power? What is my purpose? I can see exactly how he's reached this point - logical step by step in a thought-process he's followed alone and without me, and now he's hit a logic wall he's frightened and frustrated. While I identified this as an "existential crisis" to a friend just now (while discussed yet another difficult day with my son), it wasn't until I read your article that I really understood the depth of his crisis and how frightening it must be to be at the forefront of these thoughts - especially without the emotional development to deal with it all. He is, as your article describes, essentially alone. While he resists being touched, he was throwing himself into my arms while we were talking and sat very close to me for a while after (we played a game to settle down after the discussion). Tomorrow I'll go through this article with him and see how much resonates with him. Right now, though, I'm heartbreak and sympathy for my son's giant mind which has always been under-estimated because of a diagnosis of ASD; he doesn't have a learning difficulty - everyone else has a listening one. Thank you so much for this article - my love and hope to all the other commenters. x
Student on 7/13/2016
I'm 18 now but I've had both existential nihilism and thantaphobia since I was 8, I have struggled for a while with them but for the past eight months I constantly keep suffering panic attacks. I'm not sure what to do anymore because no one seems to understand, when I look up NEDS or religious teachings it helps. This article also helps a little but I just really need someone who knows how to ease these sort of fears or a family member who understands even if they don't fear the same things. I'll never be suicidal but I really hope my depression can be fixed or my questions can be answered. I have lots of dreams but recently my willpower hasn't been the greatest for pursuing them (or my confidence). I really hope other people will be ok and that I can overcome these fears myself.
Student on 7/12/2016
I am crying right now. This is too accurate, it's unbelievable. I am glad I'm not alone, but I'm also feel very (very) sorry for who feels it, because honestly, I'm almost giving up.
Student on 5/29/2016
This article summarized a lot of the thoughts I've been having recently and throughout my life, and framed those thoughts in a way that I found to be both very helpful and very moving. Reading the article had a profound emotional effect upon me: as many others have said in this comment section, it helped me realize that I am not alone, and that the goal of my socialization should be to find people who can understand and relate to my thoughts; my pains.Does anyone know of an online community for people like us? That would really help me, to have people to converse with who are on the same footing as me, both intellectually and emotionally.
Student on 5/12/2016
Like other commenters, I felt a huge wave of relief wash over me after reading this article. I cried as I realized I have never been alone in feeling this way. The existential isolation I feel and continue to feel is difficult to describe, but this article manages to pinpoint its origins. I wish I had read this when I was younger, because it was so hard to convey the anguish I felt, and couldn't accurately connect with anyone on this matter. A piece of positivity: I wouldn't identify as depressed any longer, but I have a unique perspective as I've reorganized my existential thoughts into a positive, productive structure for life. I want those who are still struggling with depression to know that it really does get better. I still get flashes of anxiety and minor depressive episodes when I think too long about existence and meaninglessness. This hasn't gone away, and I don't expect it to. But to be able to turn those thoughts into productive actions takes practice. Good luck to those who are struggling. You are not alone.
Student on 5/4/2016
I came upon this article in search of inspiration that I could give to a friend in need, whom I've spent the last two and a half years loving dearly, and whom now is suffering from a psychosis which I can only hope is short-term. I speak of an ex-lover and a very gifted person who happens to be quite young (21) whereas I'm going to be 33 in November. Nevertheless, I want to touch on my own response to this article. I want to express how I still feel like the young person who struggles with existential depression. I feel like it has been with me since I was 12 and hasn't left. It's made it seemingly impossible to fully commit to life decisions due to over-analyzing just about everything, and even my great ideas aren't good enough for me. I wish to express this to the college students in particular, mainly because I relate to you the most, as I'm still finishing my degrees. What I would say to you is just do whatever you really like doing and give it your "all" because whatever it is you're going to do well or will take what you've learned and apply it to something better because you are the gifted youth. Do what you like and don't look back or ahead too far. Make something. Write something. Deconstruct something. Travel to something. Like the article said, life is a series of forks in the road and all you have to do is choose the one you truly like. Just develope yourself by actively doing things you like. Break the stereotypes, the family patterns, the rules if you must and always follow your flowering heart. If you don't you will always have that depression or be managing it topically. There's no time to be depressed when your loving that you're experiencing what it's truly like to be gifted, because that is what you are! Thank you. I'm done crying.
Student on 5/3/2016
I cried after reading this. Just like everyone else it felt so spot on and reassuring. I wake up everyday questioning ideas, laws, actions, and go back to bed with only a few questions answered. Being gifted means having empathy, empathy to see things from a person's concern, and that gives us understanding. I'm 19 and about to graduate from university, everyone thinks I'm 22 cause I fit in so well and act even more mature than them. It's like I'm living a life that's not meant to be mine but I know I'm supposed to live this life cause it's fate. I wish I could honestly meet some of you to talk about these things. For example I agree with money being used as a unit of value but not a store of value, if you get what I mean. Also read Plato's allegory of the cave, it'll help. I don't know if anyone would read this but thank you, I don't know why I'm thanking you but that's all I can really do. I encourage you to give thanks more often too cause that's all we can do, be grateful for whatever comes.
Student on 1/27/2016
I can't really add much that hasn't been said in other comments, but I still have to say that it is so incredibly reassuring to just reading this article and the comments from people who feel like it described them, and I really wish I could meet more people in my own life who think this way. Thanks again for this spectacular article, it really means so much to so many people to hear that they/we aren't alone in our endlessly confusing minds
Educator on 9/24/2015
Although it's too late for me, I believe that this article would provide tremendous support for anyone who hasn't gone through a first phase of reintegration. (And it is a phase - subsequent phases of disintegration and reintegration in an endless cycle until death are almost inevitable. Such is the fate of our kind.) I know that there are quite a few of us who don't make it out of adolescence alive, and many more, including me, who never managed to find any outside help and consequently went through abject hell. Just knowing that my plight was shared would have been of great help, in retrospect. Also the notion that stronger reintegration is possible would have been a nice light-at-the-end-of-the-tunnel kind of hope. My own few cents - get as many friends as possible. Put yourself out there, get *good* people if you can. Get a lot of physical contact. The body has a wisdom of its own, and nourishing it can calm the mind. Sunshine & exercise. Connect with animals. (Personally, aligning myself with eternal principles helped provide a sort of grounding i.e. Non-Aggression Principle).
Student on 9/19/2015
The article is so spot on... I do feel too smart to make choices since I learn things so fast and I have multiple things that I'm interested in and can't really focus on one or two of them. But only time can tell on which subjects I would spend more time and make more progress. I feel very sorry for my family...I love them and appreciate for what they've offered me.They always thought I was a normal happy kid since I tried to keep my depression as a secret so they wouldn't worry about me. But unfortunately they can't understand... and the gap between communication hurts us all...They think I'm ungrateful... I guess learning as much as I can and waiting for time to tell is the only and best way.
Other on 7/15/2015
Wow. Thank you so much for this. I happened upon this article as I was feeling this way, as I have done regularly for about 20 years. I've never been able to explain the suicide attempt I made when I was 12 years old to anyone, and found myself making up reasons why I did it, but your description is spot on. Since then, I've been an 'optimistic depressive' as I call it, which is based on my idealistic nature. I've gone through life with yearly periods of questioning my identity and changing my hair and outward persona so much that it's become a character trait. I'm constantly seeking to belong and always feel isolated, even in a crowd. I don't let myself think about it all too much anymore for fear of regressing into suicidal thoughts. It's helpful to know that I'm not alone, and the idea of getting lots of hugs validates what I've suspected for a long time about touch and human contact making me feel less alone. Thank you.
Other on 7/13/2015
I cannot thank you enough. The first step to finding the answer is asking the right questions, and you have helped me to look in the right direction. Kudos to your research and presentation.
Student on 7/6/2015
I feel so good right now. I remember ever since I was little I had these deep, out-of-place thoughts. I read a lot Calvin and Hobbes as a little kid, though, so Calvin really dropped that philosophical seed in my mind. My ED went into full gear when I was about 14. I couldn't conceive how everyone was living so carefree. It seemed like I was staring at programmed robots who weren't even self-aware and I was looking from the outside. Whenever I asked something about how weird life was or something along the likes, I'd just get weird looks or the other person didn't even seem to acknowledge the question as something worth thinking about. It drove me nuts. I am always the absent-minded person in any group I am in, but in all honesty, I just can't find interest in stuff because it seems so pointless to me. I know it's not a good way to go through life, but I just can't find the motivation to do something that would lead me to unhappiness, when I could be doing something that would basically make my life. Any choice I make in my life would have the same effect on this Earth anyways. It's also frustrating how my parents don't understand me. I'm 19 now, and college really hasn't gone that well for me. I wish I could drop everything I'm doing and make music for a living, but it's not as easy as it sounds. I know these thoughts will come again, but it's kind of comforting knowing that someone is asking themselves the same questions I am. Good luck to you all, I guess.
Other on 7/2/2015
I feel a strong need to thank you for helping me realise that I am not alone in facing this. I've been dealing with these very thoughts since my teenaged years and on and off through my 20s. I'm 27/28 now and I've developed counter arguments to manage my despair, but today in the midst of the heavy summer air, I find myself fighting the futility of existence once again. I have just started seeing a therapist for some clarity on related issues, and he told me, you just need to realise you are not alone and work harder on finding people like you. I would be hard pressed to say I am gifted, but for instance, I find myself identifying with the HSP tag and am learning more about it. Thank you again. Funny how so many of us contemplate the same themes in the same manner. :) You're also right on the touch thing, I have realised I need touch to feel connected again to the rest of the world. And I send all of you hugs! :)
Student on 6/20/2015
I am truly astounded by the precision of this collective piece. It's frustrating to explain such a grand-scaled philosophy that involves a deep-rooted extent of emotion and knowledge to adults who convince themselves it's a phase and deny all else let alone high school children my age. This article was uncanny, I couldn't have written it any more verifiable and faithful to actuality and I guess because of that, frustration DOES easily push one into a spiral of depression no pill can fix when we feel so isolated and misunderstood. It can be overwhelming for a child so mere and so short-lived to refine the meaning of anything when even the brightest individuals of this Earth cannot. We suddenly feel like human pawns of a game manipulated by some manifestation smarter and stronger than we. Distraction from the four issues would be like desensitizing ourselves, worrying about tangible needs must have some kind of reasoning behind it. When the world becomes abstract, so do we. I love this document because it truly describes how gifted children think on a daily basis and how we must tend them before fear consumes them. There must not be any stigma, humiliation, presumption, or hostility but rather acceptance and embrace. But even so, because we don't understand the meaning of life nor the injustice of a hierarchy associated with intelligence, gifted children is just as small as any other ordinary being.
Educator on 4/7/2015
This article in itself is an effective strategy to aiding gifted individuals with sudden bouts of existential depression. One of the common themes I have noticed both as a gifted student and now a fledgling teacher is that gifted students wish to be truly understood for the issues that are often too difficult to discuss with age-based peers. Voluntarily reentering the high school environment, it was depressing to remind myself how arbitrarily and heavily structured public schooling was, but even in the most structured environments one can find examples of those who find freedom and flexibility and work hard to make the world has personal meaning. I hope any gifted student who reads this can feel through my words that what they are feeling is not strange or a problem that needs fixing. Acknowledging the nature of the world we live in is essential to understand what how much impact one wants or does not want to leave on this world. Wonderful article, and I hope to read some other pieces from this researcher.
Student on 4/6/2015
I'm currently 21, and I believe I had these issues when I was quite young. Like what has been said so far in the comments section, it was an issue that I just wasn't able to expound upon. Implicit isolation and loneliness were definite, ugly, painful consequences. Luckily, I have found Mathematics, and this has been a sufficient solution so far. I believe that the most troubling issue during that time was the loneliness factor, so this article I'm sure has lifted a good load from those who are experiencing this issue and have read it. I would like to inform you though, that a result of having these issues only makes thinking a more enjoyable activity, especially in the right community.
Student on 3/20/2015
This is an amazing article, and I truly felt as if it was describing me. As a high school student, it's often hard to find peers willing to discuss such large, hypothetical ideas. What makes it even worse, is that if you try to talk to any adult about topics such as these, they claim to "understand" you, but you can just tell that they think you're an arrogant, confused, angsty teenager who's simply overinflating their ego in an attempt to feel good about themselves. Nothing could be further from the truth, and it, unfortunately, ownly exacerbates the problem of isolation. One thing in this article that I am not so sure about, is how to address the issue. While for many, simply knowing that there are others out there that share similar pains and thoughts can be helpful, I tend to feel almost oppositely at times. While it is surely comforting to know that you're not the only person facing such existential issues and crises, recognizing that there are thousands upon thousands of other people out there just like you can actually make the situation worse. Knowing that you are just like everyone else only makes the sense of meaninglessness more prevalent by causing you to recognize the fact that you're not a unique or special individual who's going to change the world. And while many of us probably will to a certain degree, it hurts to know that you can't fix every problem out there, no matter how naive and idealistic that belief may be.
Other on 3/18/2015
This is a really great article. I really struggle with many of these things all the time. I can especially relate to the woman who talked about her daughter's feelings. That was definitely my life in school. Why has no one thought of getting all of these people together to do something constructive instead of feeling better about not being the only depressed people in the world, we could start change.
Student on 2/22/2015
I am honestly amazed that I'm not actually crazy as my mother seems to think. My whole life I've struggled with existential crisis type depression, and I never thought to research it further until today. This article does an amazing job of summarizing whats been inside my head, that I've been unable to accurately articulate. Amazing job.
Student on 2/3/2015
I have never read an article that has almost perfectly summarized my concerns and thought patterns like this article has. Reading it was truly remarkable like reading an excerpt from my thoughts when I was a teenager.
Student on 1/23/2015
I feel that this article has helped so many teens including myself.
Student on 1/23/2015
Thank you so much. This has shown me that I am not the only one.
Student on 12/24/2014
This article really helped bring some reason to my depression. However, I don't agree with what was said about telling the youth about how what they're feeling is understood amongst others. When you're a depressed youth who only sees the bad in the world and feels nothing but misunderstanding from peers and adults, you don't want to be understood, you want to be heard. If people automatically say they understand, it feels like they don't because they haven't really heard what it is you're trying to say. This causes a lot of frustration, and increases feelings of loneliness and isolation.
Other on 12/9/2014
I remember feeling these thoughts. They basically filled my mind from age 14 to 17. I remember asking a few of my friends, "Have you ever wondered why you think the way you think ?" I always worried the answer was no. Then this article hits on another point, reoccurring thoughts. I am now 23. My dad recently passed and I feel some of the same thoughts resurfacing. I can't ever say I was in a depression, but definitely in deep thought and analysis.
Other on 11/30/2014
I'm shocked to see there are other teens who think and feel the exact same way I do. I know a few adults who do too, but I felt super weird because I thought I was the only teen who felt this way. Adults say there is no point wanting a better life because the world can't change. We can't do everything alone, but maybe we can work together somehow? If anyone has an idea on how we could work together, do comment and I'll check out this page again.
Student on 11/21/2014
I'm just glad that it is verified that there are people out there who are 'gifted' and feel the same or similar ways. The only people that I have ever met that I felt I could relate to were all philosophers and writers. I knew that younger people like me existed, I just didn't know where. I guess I'll just have to wait to step out into the supposed real world to find those who think like me.
Student on 10/24/2014
Living in Singapore, with materialism as the culture, I really have been so alone until I saw this article. Now I know where my depressions stemmed from, these past few months of darkness and whirlwinds of thought in my head. I don't believe it - I have finally found people who actually think the same. I thought no one would ever understand me. Everyone I try to talk to thinks I'm crazy, especially my family. I cried reading this article, and now I feel more comforted, yet still lost. I am turning 21 very soon, and am deciding on what to do with my life. I always had talent in everything I put effort into, and that made me crazy. I know that I don't have enough time in this life to do it all!!
Student on 10/23/2014
Gifted has been a term hovering in the background of my life. Though gifted kids are characterized by genius, creativity and boundless talent, the truth of the matter is that giftedness does not embody itself externally. It is a pattern of thought, an approach to life built upon a foundation of curiosity. Everything I do is coloured by my attempts to understand a deeper, more widely applicable pattern. Though I quickly gain a strong conceptual understanding of anything, my communication skills and reflexes have never lived up to the prodigiously deep understandings I have. At 8, I began to have existential depression. I am 18 now and it hasn't stopped. I've gotten much better at hiding it so as to avoid confusion, puzzlement and ridicule for being 'over analytical'. To my coworkers, I seem a hardworking, light hearted, and absent-minded kid. I seem normal, but that is my default behaviour to avoid negative attention. These thoughts only stop when my mind absorbs new concepts... a rarity in a job wherein one must repeat the same sales pitches day in and day out. There's little reason for me to do any of it but I do it for the sake of lingering.
Parent on 10/19/2014
This article was very eye-opening for me. Our 10-year-old daughter experiences a lot of frustration. She is very bright, intense and has a deep dislike for school. She gets completely overwhelmed by feelings brought on by the idea that so many things (as she perceives them) are futile. She laments the number of years she has to "not have control of my life" and "waste time sitting in a classroom". She recently became very distraught and said, "I wish life could be like a video game - clearly laid out. What is the goal of it all? What's the point? Become famous? Become rich? Help people? Then what? Then what? What is the REAL point of it all?!" I really struggle with how to support her when these strong emotions surface. It breaks my heart for her. We live in a small town and there are no other educational options for her. I don't think homeschooling is the answer, but I'm not sure.
Parent on 9/21/2014
So many people can relate; as can my 22-year-old daughter who is paralyzed by her crisis. What practical steps do gifted people who feel this way take to make decisions when those decisions to them are inconsequential, and yet life changing. When you can do anything and be good at it, and are a perfectionist as well as struggle with how what you do doesn't matter...how do you move forward? What practical things can I say to my daughter to help? How does she begin to take steps to help herself proactively rather than just wait for time to pass.
Other on 7/29/2014
I really wish I had read this a little kid. No one was ever close enough to make it seem I was human enough to talk to. Nice to know I'm not alone though.
Educator on 6/15/2014
As an educator, how do we help students with existential depression? I am very concerned for a student who struggles with this and want to help him and his family.
Student on 6/5/2014
It makes me weep to find out that i am not alone. This study had made me feel more confident in my brain than anything i have ever encountered.
Other on 4/8/2014
I am glad that you found my article to be helpful. You might also want to look at my new book, "Searching for Meaning: Idealism, Bright Minds, Disillusionment, and Hope" (www.greatpotential press. com).
Student on 2/22/2014
I really wish someone could have helped me through the first stage of my existential depression when I was ten. It was a very challenging time for me. This artical should assist my friend who is having a similar problem though. Thank you so much.
Parent on 2/12/2014
I was recognised as gifted and talented at school, and cannot remember a time before I waged psychological battles every day with myself. I am now proud to say this is the first afternoon of the rest of my life. Thank you so much for this article, you've helped me fight a ten year battle with myself, and armed me with the tools to assist my young daughter. A thousand times thank you!
Other on 12/20/2013
Finally, some validation. Grokking geologic time at 8 did me in for good, general empirical observatiin didn't help. CTY and heavy heavy metal kept me afloat to this day. (23)
Other on 12/5/2013
You have just explained ME. I'm 49 and have struggled with who I am every day. I can't thank you enough for putting my life into words. This article should be distributed to EVERY suicide prevention center, EVERY school, EVERY teacher, EVERY Clergy...etc. I no longer feel alone or wrong in who I am. Thank goodness I have had a strong support system in my life, or I would not be here. I feel like I can finally accept who I am and start making changes based on my acceptance, rather than trying to fight against my personality.
Student on 10/18/2013
I do believe you have just changed my life. There are no sufficient words of thanks.
Other on 9/30/2013
i just wanted to ask the author about being "gifted." What exactly is the definition of "gifted"?
Student on 9/27/2013
I am going through an existential depression myself, and I turned 17 two weeks ago. I wish it had not hit me so soon, because I do not feel like the future is looking good. I've lost much of my motivation in school, seeing as how it's just another institution wasting my time. I'm planning on going to college, but what after? How could I possibly live in a world where I consider the average 9-5 job to be a form of slavery? Perhaps the only answer for my question would be this: transcendentialism. A "return-to-nature" philosophy. Perhaps the only solution is to become some self-sustaining farmer and shepherd on a plot of land somewhere isolated. I don't know...
Other on 9/27/2013
I am 40 years old, and have had the first bouts of depression when I was 5. Although I have managed to find peace with myself to a meaningful degree, I am still happy that I have finally been "read" and understood by someone so succinctly. The comments of other readers have struck a cord, bringing out a tear or two. Thank you for giving me the opportunity, albeit 30-something years later, to put a name to a problem, for which I always thought was solely the result of my unique weirdness as a human being. Even though I have given up looking for the cause of the problem, it is gratifying to finally find out a more objective truth, if only to know how to help my own children, if needs be. Being understood is such a powerful blessing. Thank you so much.
Other on 9/3/2013
Great article. Found it after searching for reasons why I had 'that feeling' and didn't do anything but read for 12 hrs yesterday and barely get out of bed until noon today. Im a 29 yr old dentist with large network of professionals/friends and huge family. I suppose what's going on is our thoughts are triggering a depressive emotional response, and if we ruminate on it, we only deepen our depressed state. And typically for me it revolves around how much life there still is that's ultimately meaningless. But it helps to think about time like food. If you had a huuuuuge plate full of eggs, or whatever, you'd probably eat them with a different mindset than if you only had 1/10th the eggs. Assuming you don't hate eggs, you may not take for granted each bite, and appreciate the few bites you have. You may even add some spices to liven em up because each bite is so valuable! So keep thinking. You'll discover all kinds of ways to help others, and after all, that's what it's all about. Once again, great article.
Other on 8/7/2013
What a fantastic article. I was always classed as dumb at school, but I was also very bored and in deep depression. There was only about three times that I can remember being really stimulated in school. So I do not think of myself as gifted. However, I studied to be a museum curator at university and it was when I was learning about the different learning styles that I realised that I am an existentialist by nature. This article describes me just so well and I have to read copious amounts of books to find my meaning in life.
Other on 7/24/2013
I read the entire works of Charles Dickens by the time i was twelve. I found his understanding of suffering, indeed all the Victorians' understanding of melancholy, incredibly useful when I was struggling with this stuff. Our happiness culture finds it very difficult not to pathologise suffering and melancholy.
Student on 7/22/2013
The below comment is wrong. As an atheist teenager myself, although I wouldn't describe myself as having depression-like symptoms; this article nonetheless sums up many of the concerns that I think about on a daily basis. Never have I felt that my acceptance of atheism or society's lack thereof as having any affect on the mixed emotions generated by existential musings. I am also certain that to the contrary, some students like myself find meaning through faith. Of course, I have no empirical evidence to back these claims up, but this is what I have observed as an atheist "gifted" student.
Educator on 7/22/2013
This is the most insightful psychology article that I have read in fifty years. My existential angst started at the age of four. I was a very gifted child - the kind that was reading at the college level at age 9, and doing calculus a year later. However, i was terrified of death, overwhelmed by choices - and, by a feeling that i was trying to empty an ocean with a spoon. I got more from your article than i got out of thirty years of psychoanalysis. Thank you.
Other on 7/21/2013
I guess part of the solution would be to find a purpose in life, a deep purpose that will move the lives of these children. The thing is that when you are young you still haven't explored all the areas, so you haven't found what you are passionate about. Until then, the best thing is to keep learning, trying things and exploring the world and all the disciplines. I'm telling this from my experience, I have spent many years thinking about this and now I think I have this purpose that makes every day a good day to achieve what I want in life.
Other on 7/21/2013
I will say that as mentioned in this article, if you know someone like this, both touch and communication will help tremendously. But it *must* be done in an accepting way and on that person's own terms, and if you don't have the patience for that, you will only make things worse and are better off leaving that person alone.
Student on 7/21/2013
I am going to be a sophomore at UCSB next year as a statistics or computer science major. Ever since college started, I've been thinking about these existential thoughts for hours sometimes, googling "What is the meaning of life?"--among other questions. What is the point of college?--Afterwards I may or may not get a job, but in the end, everyone dies. It's interesting to think about, but think about it too much you realize that even thinking about it won't accomplish anything. I've come time and time again to come to the conclusion that what's best for me is to accept the utilitarian idea that "the aim of action should be the largest possible of pleasure over pain or the greatest happiness of the greatest number." Happiness is what makes us whole. Also being outside, one with nature, is something that always automatically makes me feel better. It helps that I have a roommate to discuss SOME of these thoughts with, although we argue a lot upon the topics of politics and such. This is how I deal with the fact that our lives are ultimately meaningless, the fact that everybody is superficial--including me, the fact that there will always be evil in the world--oh no it's happening again! I'm thinking too much! The simple joys in life is what gets you through. I just needed to let this randomness out haha.
Student on 7/21/2013
Thank you for this article. It explains a lot of the feelings I had as an early teenager, or even younger child. These insights will also help me raising my own son - who undoubtedly have similar questions and concerns. A small note regarding the beautiful poem: A slightly more accurate version seems to be this: Hold fast to dreams For if dreams die Life is a broken-winged bird That cannot fly. Hold fast to dreams For when dreams go Life is a barren field Frozen with snow.
Parent on 6/23/2013
I feel that the hope for this problem is acceptance of atheism. Children don't have to have "X" = God any longer...in fact it's alright to be outspoken about their doubts that a god exists at all. Thd more accepting the public becomes of people who don't believe in a god become, I theorize the less depressed the children will become, because it is this fear of speaking out and being shunned for doubt by their family and peers which, I believe, is the actual root of depression in these children.
Student on 6/4/2013
I have this problem during the summer because my mind has got nothing else to do, and I think, what if I'm the only real person, and everyone else is just in my mind and the whole world is just a figment of my imagination, and why does the universe exist, anyway?
Student on 5/4/2013
I wasn't a particularly gifted child (and, actually, I cringe at the word, but that's a debate for another time), yet I had existential crises. They usually had to do with my place in the Universe, trying to conceptualize the future, dwelling on the shortcomings of humanity and individuals (including myself), and so on. The first time I was seriously depressed I was 12, but I don't think it arose from an existential crisis. I really struggled through my early twenties, and I still have thoughts from time to time even now, but on the whole things have improved. I think several things have helped me me overcome the fact that my continuing to live is irrational in the face of certain conclusions I've arrived at: a) I've come to a much better understanding of my emotional and psychic state and certain warning signs and triggers of depression. b) I have found many friends near and far who share my musings, fears, questions, and dilemmas, and c) I have to some degree found purpose in the notion that my life is not only for myself, but for others, including future people.
Student on 5/1/2013
I remember asking my parents something like "What makes me... me and not somebody else? If I was in someone else's body, would I be them and not me?" when I was little. Of course, they had no idea what I was talking about and I'm not even sure if I completely understood. This article pretty much sums it up. I'm in high school, and can't tell you how many times I've felt let down by the actions of my peers, my generation, and society as a whole. I never felt like I belonged even though I have friends and a loving family. I feel like I've been in one, ongoing existential crisis since middle school. I'd say it has made me into a spiritual person as a result. Faith and belief in God gives life meaning and purpose. Without it, we are left with questions like "What is this all for?". I can't explain it in words. There is so much I want to say but I'll just say this: I'm glad to have found this article.
Student on 4/2/2013
I was homeschooled til 5th grade, and this article completely explains my life for years. I always felt people just didnt get life, and get me.
Other on 3/24/2013
I am so glad to have found this article too. I was classified as a gifted child, and as an adult in my 30s I still get tinges of depression that seems to come from nothing. I wanted to offer to all of those that have left comments, and new readers to this article, to look into Eckhart Tolle. The practices he teaches have helped me tremendously. You do not need to suffer. You can find light and learn to love this life and being in this world. You are not alone.
Parent on 3/15/2013
I happened upon this article because my six year old son raised some serious existential questions to me tonight. Questions like "what is the purpose of life if we are all going to die anyway". This went on for a good hour. I knew it was a matter of time, since he has been diagnosed as highly gifted since age three. I read the article and then I read the thread and yes, there are coping mechanisms, but the problematic root will never go away.
Student on 3/13/2013
I'm so grateful I found this article. To know I'm not alone in these thoughts, and that it's much more common than I thought, made me feel less alone. And I think that's a piece of help I truly needed.
Other on 2/17/2013
I'm glad that I found this article. After years of feeling isolated and generally different, being in and out of institutions and labeled over and over with no general consensus on what was wrong, I think I finally see what's been going on. This also explains why I broke down and was hospitalized during a philosophy class in high school. Maybe this would've been helpful if taken into consideration while I was growing up, but then again, maybe not. At the least, I feel a little more informed. Thanks.
Student on 2/9/2013
This is a poignant and spot-on article. I am 16 and have just emerged from an existential crisis. I'm fascinated with philosophy, such as metaphysics and cosmology. I love to learn and value intelligence above all. The contemplation of existence is a rough experience and one that often left me crying and panicking late at night. This article lends great assistance in a time of need.
Student on 2/7/2013
I have been existentially depressed since around puberty... this is a great article, and my greatest hope is that whoever reads this and is severely depressed, seeks out some sort of support and help... because you are amazing. Hang in there.
Other on 2/3/2013
Wow this article is so accurate. So accurate that it made me laugh a few times. Excessive awareness is a "double-edged sword" because it allows one to figure out solutions and understand people, politics, day to day dilemmas, etc. very quickly and effectively... but it also takes the blissfulness out of life and makes one appear like an arrogant know-it-all. But hey, might as well take advantage of our miracle of an existence and free will... Accomplish something unique and have fun.
Parent on 12/19/2012
Really interesting ...my son's depressed but many of the behaviours here are spot on. He's just started Physics at Cambridge now and has a very pleasant girlfriend ...but many of the things in the article are so spot on.
Parent on 10/26/2012
Such a great article. I know it focused on children but I think there are so many adults out there who grapple with these issues every day. I know I do and have for 15 years. I have yet to find a friend or another person who wants to talk, debate or discuss these issues. I try every day to find meaning in my life but I go to sleep every nigt thinking there is no point to it all really. I think there is so much disintegration in society in various ways that may in future make this existential depression so much more prevalent. We live in an era of unprecedented choice yet many of these choices are incredibly superficial and pointless. Anyway, I'm rambling - see how desperate I am to talk to someone interested in this issue! Thanks again.
Other on 10/13/2012
Your article made me cry because it described my life in a way that I have failed to acknowledge until today. Depression, as I am coming to realize, has always been a component of my life. Situational depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and for a long time, an indescribable state of being where I cannot even find comfort in my own skin because of an unrelenting question: Is this what it's all about? Now I have a name for this state I'm in, and knowing that I am not alone is a comfort and a relief. Thank you for the article, however painful and comforting at the same time.
Other on 10/10/2012
I really enjoyed this article. After many years of battling with the issues that are eloquently described here, I spoke to a psychiatrist (again) recently who said "It sounds like you are having an existential crisis"...This article explains alot of what I have been dealing with from a young age. My father died when i was 5 years old which obviously left me with questions that no peer or adult could answer. The physical contact thing has makes alot of sense for me too as I have always needed alot of affection from girls I have been with. Thanks for publishing this, its a nice explanation for how I have felt for most of my life, although I wouldn't say I was gifted :)
Other on 10/10/2012
In 17 years I have never met anyone who shares my view of the world even closely. I always thought the depression I had to keep to myself was just because I saw something I could never tell anyone I saw for fear of being called insane. I've been without support or connections from anyone for so long that the damage to me has been done. Nothing could fix what I've put myself through mentally and emotionally, but to finally put a name on it and know I'm not by myself in knowing that I'm eternally by myself brings a sort of closure to the past 5 years of my life. This article was a wonderful read and actually brought me to the first tears I've had in two and a half years.
Other on 9/25/2012
Thanks for a supportive read during the current existential crisis...I'm about to turn 30 and have had struggled with this type of depression as long as I can remember. In most ways, I think I've learned to deal with them in a more positive way as I've gotten older, but it is always helpful to be reminded we're not alone. I do want to agree however with the previous commenter that specifically focusing on Langston Hughes' race without any apparent reason was a jarring note in an otherwise thoughtful article. Simpler to state he was a poet and a great one.
Student on 9/15/2012
Thanks so much for this article. Sometimes all you need to know is that you're not alone.
Student on 9/14/2012
I've had some form of existential thoughts & definitely some form of existential depression since early elementary school. Now that I'm in high school, these thoughts have only intensified. Even as a very young girl it was always the bigger picture, the web of nature, the simultaneous fragility and insignificance of life, the hypocrisy and horrors of human nature... I've found a few likeminded souls who share the same burdens, and it's nice to talk to them. This world is infinitely puzzling and, as I've decided, too beautiful to leave behind. Thank you for this wonderful article!
Student on 9/11/2012
I'm 23 now but when I was a child I would have these thoughts all the time. I remember being ten and thinking about what it meant for something to be infinite and how death is infinite. No one else my age would ever think about this or the "unfairness" of the world. My parents thought it was just a phase and never paid much attention to it. This article makes me feel like I'm not alone.
Other on 8/28/2012
I’ve had these types of thoughts and feelings since I was in primary school (1st-6th grade). I remember being afraid of dying. These moments usually occurred while I was in bed without anything to distract my mind. I wasn’t scared of any particular form of death, but I had a profound sense of the inevitability. It was like I could feel eternity stretching before me and I realised that I am inherently alone and that everything that I value or ever will value will be taken from me. It didn’t matter if I died now or in a billion years. Existence is worthless and I couldn’t think my way out of it, it was terrifying. It didn’t appear that anyone among my peers felt the same hollowness until high school. One way to manage these thoughts was to remind myself that my understanding of the universe is incomplete and I/we may simply be incapable of comprehending what��s going on. Like fish in an aquarium. Of course being distracted helps too.
Other on 8/22/2012
Validation is exactly the word. This label plus the shared experience of others on this forum have allowed a much needed mental exhalation of relief. Since the age of 7, whenever people have asked me how I was, I would have to lie and give a 'mask' answer because there was no way on earth I could tell them what I had actually been thinking, worrying, and stressing about. Why do I feel low today? No, mummy, it wasn't a bully. No, it wasn't a failed exam. It was the long line of increasingly worrying thought about the meaningless of it all, mummy. What parents or adults generally can tactfully handle the weight of these questions and what same-aged kids can relate to topics so extreme? And even worse, my dad would encourage me with these heavy philosophical questions, partly because he enjoyed the frustrating nature of them, but also because he thought it was good for me. Having said all that, I wouldn't have changed my past for the world, as the ability to get to the core of life and oneself is an adventurous endeavor feared by many, and increases spiritual richness.
Other on 6/29/2012
This article was very validating for me. Ever since I became self aware as a child I've always been in an existential crisis. I've learned to cope, but some days are better than others. I cope with keeping myself constantly distracted. Fridays are usually worse since the work week is over and my rewarding distraction is done. Its hard to convey these feelings to others who don't understand. There isn't an easy answer to this. I would urge parents to take these issues seriously with their children. Mine didn't.
Educator on 6/1/2012
I think this article is very well-intentioned and speaks well to a very serious issue. However, at the end of the article the author refers to Langston Hughes as an "African-American" poet. For some of us formerly gifted children, being "raced" as the author races Hughes has been one of the most denigrating and painful experiences imaginable. I raise this issue because there is absolutely no reason to "race" Langston Hughes as an African-American or to mention that he is anything other than a poet. Race, in the context of this discussion, is irrelevant to the quote the author selects from Hughes' work.
Student on 5/19/2012
I found this article just as I was going through a particularly harsh period of existential depression. I am 18 now, but I have been dealing with bouts of such depression since I was around 9 or 10. The solution that I have routinely employed is to simply ignore (or more recently accept) that reality, death, and a lot of other things are rooted in pointlessness and instead focus on enjoying myself in the present and the future as best I can. This article helped to remind me of that solution when I needed it most. I have bookmarked this article, will most likely print out, and will definitely make use of it in the future. This is a thanks to the author for such excellent help.
Student on 3/29/2012
Thank you for helping me understand myself better. I am going to save this article so that whenever I am feeling the way this article describes I can read it so that I know the way I am feeling is normal for people like me. It makes things seem less hopeless now, knowing that the way I think is not wrong. Again, thank you. This article is invaluable information for people that suffer from this.
Student on 3/18/2012
This article has brought into light for me exactly what I have felt for years, without being aware of it. Nineteen now, I identified particularly strongly with the need for touch. Not in a sexual way, nor as a need to show the other person any feelings, but simply as a way to feel the warmth and existence of another person. But on the flip side, I have strongly felt what I have described as "being out of control", in the sense that my idealistic views are unable to be achieved. Isolation is particularly difficult when you can articulate the way things "should be", yet as such an insignificant being you cannot affect change. In all, thanks for this.
Student on 3/7/2012
Wow, reading through all the comments on this thread is insanely comforting :)
Student on 3/2/2012
I absolutely loved this article. During my reading I thought to myself, "this is the story of my life". I am 17 and remember struggling very hard with this issue around the age of 7-8. Still, 10 years later I feel myself sometimes getting overwhelmed with feelings of insignificance. I have developed ways to cope and I have a very fortunate life so I rarely slip into depression. I do think the article missed a large coping method many gifted people and my self develop, drug and alcohol use.
Student on 10/8/2011
I'm 17 and I'm usually pretty skeptical when it comes to articles about the gifted because they usually either belittle the differences between "us" and "normal people," or blow them completely out of proportion. This article, however, completely hits the nail on the head and I love it! I remember being the angsty, intense gifted teenager, which, coupled with growing up gay in a conservative region, made for some pretty tough years. However, just as this article prescribes, I found a group of people I could trust and connect with and it taught me to value myself. Also, I learned that though life is finite and you will eventually be forgotten, you still have to live - so you might as well make your life worth living!
Student on 9/21/2011
I am 15 this year and I pretty much follow the descriptions of the progression of existential depression as you described. Thank you for helping me understand and realize the existence of people like me out there.
Other on 3/7/2011
I am 35 now and I smiled pretty much the whole way through reading this article. I recognized fantastic similarities with how I felt when I was a child and teenager with what was written. Sadly my life went in the direction of drug abuse as I received no help for my problems at that age and I am now putting my life together with the love and support of an amazing man - I am one of the fortunate ones. My instinct now is that I wish I knew teachers to whom I could forward this article. I may dig around my mind and ponder on who I can in fact mail this article to, as I believe this is an area that is of urgent importance. Thank you very much to this author and to those working in this field.
Student on 2/22/2011
Thank you! I'm 31 and never knew that there are others like me. I've had this problem since the age of 7, with resolve of my life. One therapist I had before my insurance ran out had mentioned to me that I had one of the worse cases of existential depression he had seen, but ii never thought to look it up to see what it really meant. And even though I'm still considered a hopeless idealist, at least I know there are others out there. At least I know that I'm not the only one trying to make this world a better place for everyone.
Student on 2/22/2011
I am 16 and have been in gifted and advanced learning programs since preshcool age. I am a sophomore this year and will be taking my SAT in May and I often suffer with flashed of depression. Since a very young age I have asked these questions, and still become very frustrated when I observe these behaviors. Thank you for the insight and helping me understand.
Other on 12/9/2010
Thank you for this article. I am 28 this year. I had asked all those questions when I was barely 10. I had no idea why and I thought I was either going crazy or was just plain paranoid. Who else at 10 would think about the meaninglessness of life? It did eventually lead to suicidal thoughts but thank God I didn't go through with it. Finally, with a name and a cause for this depression, I feel so free! Even though it comes on and off, usually triggered by events in my life, I am glad I'm not the alone in this.
Parent on 11/7/2010
I am a parent just trying to understand how to best help my 11 year old who has existential depression. It was just yesterday, after hours of research, that I am finally able to "label" his daily struggle.
Student on 6/26/2010
As other people have said, it really helps to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way. I have this kind of depression off and on, usually stemming from the so-many-possibilities-and-there's-no-'right'-choice idea. It's overwhelming, and usually leads me to a sort of paralysis of life phase, where I don't accomplish anything because I can't accomplish everything. What helps with that is usually dance, friendship, or romantic relationships -- something that makes me really happy will help to break out of it. I'm studying to by an environmental physicist, concentrating in nuclear physics, and all the time I wonder if I've made the "right choice." With the other types, like death and meaninglessness, I've found that they can combat each other. I had the realization a few years ago that I was going to die someday, and so would everyone else, and that was disconcerting to say the least. A few months later, I also realized that life was pointless, but in the best of ways. If there is no ultimate goal we have to accomplish, than how can we fail? You succeed at life by living.
Other on 11/29/2009
I went through two bouts of existential depression, once as a young adult and another time in the middle age. There is no place for any false hope or excuse when dealing with this stuff. There is no hope if you fight it or try to push it around. It is complete acceptance of the fact and surrendering to it that can help bring someone out of it. It is the force of nature.
Educator on 7/20/2009
Wonderful article. I know that I experienced these feelings as a young adult, and have spoken with students who struggle with such existential questions. Questions I have heard, but never such good answers!
Student on 1/3/2009
Thank you for this article. I've been experiencing this kind of depression from when I was eleven years old, and the only solution that I could come up with at the time was to ignore it and try to "enjoy" life. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Also, unlike the other commentator, I found that hugs did help. It's wonderful knowing that I'm not the only one who has these feelings.
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