Tips for Students: Neurodivergent Self-Advocacy and Unmasking

The following article expands on highlights and insights from one of our Expert Series events, which are exclusive for Young Scholars and their parents. 

Authored by: Devon Price

Sometimes people have ideas about gifted girls that aren’t accurate or fair. For example, they may think that you have it easy, never struggle, always feel confident, or have everything figured out.

But these are myths, not truth. The reality is that many gifted girls experience perfectionism, anxiety, self-doubt, and a whole lot of negative self-talk.

You probably don’t pay that much attention to how you’re talking to yourself. But your inner voice has the power to either help you or hold you back.

That’s why you need an inner voice that’s working for you instead of against you. That voice is your Inner Ally

Summary:

In this expert series, I speak about the importance of neurodivergent people learning to self-advocate in order to live more fully and freely as themselves. Neurodivergent people are frequently told that we are too demanding, too sensitive, or that the way we behave is unusual, and this stigma and social pressure can cause many of us to suppress who we are. We are often told that in order to succeed, we must learn how to fit in with other people better, but this advice teaches us that we have to silence ourselves. That can make it very difficult for us to get our needs met, or feel like we are genuinely being heard and cared about as we are. It is very important, then, that instead we learn how to speak up, make requests, express disagreement, and even sit with the discomfort that sometimes will happen when being ourselves means that others do not like us.

There are a few really powerful social skills that make it easier for us to live as ourselves in a world that might not always understand how we work or honor the needs that come with disabilities. Some of those skills include:

1. Engaging in productive conflict
2. Violating rules that we disagree with or believe cause harm
3. Expressing our needs in whatever ways work best for us
4. Speaking up about our viewpoints, even when others disagree
5. Doing things our own way, even if others do not always like it.

When Autistic and other neurodivergent people are willing to stand up, speak out, and do things our own way, we help create a world where our differences are seen and accepted rather than punished. This helps other neurodivergent people get more free, too.

Tips:

1. Notice when you feel uncomfortable, ignored, or disrespected. Try writing down how that feels, and thinking about what it might be like to share that you are feeling like something is wrong.
2. Practice sharing how you feel when you are uncomfortable, or asking for help when you have a need that is not being met. For example, you can tell a parent that you are not getting enough help when you do your homework, or you could email or text a friend to tell them that something they said in the past hurt your feelings.
3. Remember that other people have their own thoughts and feelings that are completely separate from yours, and that it is okay for two people to disagree.
4. Practice noticing that another person might not like or agree with what you are doing, but that you can continue doing what you think is right anyway.
5. Question some of the “rules” that people tell you everyone has to follow. Ask yourself, where does this rule come from? Do I agree with it? What would happen if I did break this rule?

Things Students Can do to Explore This Topic Further…

Students who want to learn more about this topic could read about pathological demand avoidance in Autism, or about the history of protest movements like ACT UP. They could also read about civil disobedience, and child liberation or unschooling. Studying any kind of activist movement from the past or present could help them see the value of non-compliance.

Resources

My book Unmasking for Life has many chapters devoted to building self-advocacy skills, including in kids and among families.

The blog RealSocialSkills.net has many helpful resources on noncompliance and self-advocacy.

The advice columnist Captain Awkward writes a lot about standing up for oneself as a neurodivergent person. Her site is captainawkward.com.

Speaker Bio:

Devon Price is a social psychologist, author, clinical associate professor at Loyola University Chicago, and Autistic person. Devon’s books include Laziness Does Not Exist, Unlearning Shame, Unmasking Autism, and Unmasking for Life.

Permission Statement

This article is provided as a service of the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted young people 18 and under. To learn more about the Davidson Institute’s programs, please visit www.DavidsonGifted.org.