Part 1 of the Davidson Institute series, “Finding Support for the Gifted Parenting Journey”
- Part 1: You’re Not Alone
- Part 2: Finding Clarity
- Part 3: Building Your Support Network
- Part 4: Moving Forward
Please Note: The safety of all individuals in our community is paramount. If someone is in an immediate crisis, consult emergency services:
| Resource | Link/Instructions |
| Local Emergency Services | 911 |
| National Suicide and Crisis Hotline | 988 (For TTY Users: Use your preferred relay service or dial 711 then 988) |
| National Suicide and Crisis Textline | Text HOME to 741741 |
| The Trevor Project | 1-866-488-7386 or chat |
| Blackline | 1-800-604-5841 |
| Trans Lifeline | 877-565-8860 |
| Wildflower Alliance Peer Support Line | 888-407-4515 |
In addition, the American Psychological Association has crisis resources on their website.
Am I Alone?
Have you ever heard the saying that “it takes a village to parent a child”? Well, that is particularly true about parenting a profoundly gifted (PG) or twice-exceptional (2e) child. This journey is often a mind-boggling mix of confusion, isolation, and things that should work (based on what worked for others) but don’t work for your specific kid. This work is hard, serious, and slow.
One of the reasons that you are reading this is likely because you are looking for more support and community along your parenting journey. We’re glad you’re here with us! Many parents who are first coming into our community find themselves pulled in two directions: They are told things about parenting and their child by our society, but that clashes with their lived experiences of their child. This can lead to feelings of doubt, shame, disempowerment, and hopelessness. Parents have told us before that they are nervous about joining this community because they have been burned before.
Being the parent of a PG/2e child isn’t easy, and this likely isn’t the first place you’ve turned for support. Others have told us that despite their vetting and careful consideration, people just don’t get what it’s like. Just because someone labels themselves “neurodiversity affirming” doesn’t mean that they are actually doing that in practice. Many professionals aren’t knowledgeable about giftedness specifically, let alone understand how giftedness fits into a larger neurodiversity affirming practice. You’ve probably heard quick fixes and lofty promises from people who turn out to be just like everyone else.
But that’s not how we do things around here. Families in our Davidson Young Scholars Program know, just as you do, that there’s not a quick fix for giftedness because giftedness is not brokenness. The Davidson Institute tries not to make any promises, because we know that parenting doesn’t have many guarantees. The goal is to meet parents where they are and offer guidance and resources that might help their family grow. We won’t claim to have a magic wand. We’re just here to walk next to you throughout this journey.
You’re here now, in a community full of other parents who are on similar journeys. That doesn’t mean it’s just automatically easy to get the help that you need or want. Let’s run through some of the common anxieties that parents have when asking for help within our program. Some of these are things that parents are telling themselves, and other messages were likely absorbed from culture or “popular knowledge.” We’re also going to begin to counter those messages with some things that we say often, with the hope that long term these things will begin to counteract the myths.
| Myth or Harmful Message | Often Lived Reality in This Community |
| It should be easy to parent a PG/2e child, since everything comes naturally to them. | It should be easy to parent a PG/2e child, since everything comes naturally to them. |
| My kid has high potential; they are smart, and they know what they should be doing. They shouldn’t get upset so easily and just do what they know is right. | Child psychologist Ross Greene is always saying that “kids do well if they can.” In other words, if they could, they would. Greene’s framework searches for lagging skills, mismatched expectations, or an unsuitable environment to explain a child’s struggles. Instead of “just should-ing,” Greene’s approach encourages parents to be curious as to the deeper causes of the issue. |
| When I was growing up, I had big feelings, too. I was able to put my head down, handle it, and eventually get through it. Why can’t my kid do the same thing? | Emotions are information. Ignoring emotions as they happen is like ignoring a big road sign that’s giving you directions. Teaching children to put their heads down and “get through it” can often teach them to ignore and suppress the messages that their body and brain give to them. Both you and your child deserve safe spaces to express and process big feelings. |
| Whatever happened to toughening up? Isn’t there something to developing a thicker skin? | The process of social-emotional learning often includes explicit instruction on emotional literacy, conflict resolution, communication, self-advocacy, frustration tolerance, and perspective taking. |
| If it worked for one child, it should work for mine. | Parenting a unique child is a unique journey. As we often say, “What works for one gifted child, works for one gifted child.” |
| “Normally, this works with clients.” | Parenting a child outside of the norm means that things that usually work may not work for your child. |
| I can’t ask for help because I already know what they are going to tell me—and I’ve tried that unsuccessfully. | It’s difficult when you keep asking for help only to be told the same things that haven’t worked before. |
| I can’t ask for help because I’m worried that others are just going to judge and not really listen or help. | Shame is a powerful decision-maker. Helping parents combat shame is one of the ways this community supports each other. |
Let’s continue this conversation by answering some of the questions that you might have about support networks:
- I feel lost. I know I need some help. How do I figure out what kind of help is needed or what to ask for?
- Who can help us?
- I’m not sure what’s at the root here, so I’m having a hard time doing any deeper reflection. Where do I go from here?
- What if I don’t need to ask for anything specifically? How do I benefit from just listening?
- How do I vet potential helpful helpers?
- My child needs more help (like a therapist), and they are refusing anything that they think looks like “help.” How can I get them on board? Is there anything else I can do to support them?
- We have a good support system. We’ve sought out the extra help that we needed. Now what?
In part 2, we will help you figure out what kind of help you need.
The Davidson Young Scholars Program Offers Community and Connection
Parenting a profoundly gifted or 2e child can sometimes feel isolating, especially when common advice doesn’t reflect your family’s lived experience. The Davidson Young Scholars Program connects families with a supportive community and resources designed to help them feel understood and less alone.
Permission Statement
This article is provided as a service of the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted young people 18 and under. To learn more about the Davidson Institute’s programs, please visit www.DavidsonGifted.org.
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