Part 2 of the Davidson Institute series, “Finding Support for the Gifted Parenting Journey”
- Part 1: You’re Not Alone
- Part 2: Finding Clarity
- Part 3: Building Your Support Network
- Part 4: Moving Forward
I feel lost. I know I need some help. How do I figure out what kind of help is needed or what to ask for?
Getting clear on your goal may help you better to understand what you are needing at this moment.
It’s easy to start to spin out about most facets of parenting that quickly lead to a 2am Google search or a frantic email chain that drags out for days. Asking for help already isn’t easy for all the reasons that have been outlined, and, if then you add that you aren’t even sure exactly what to ask for or what you need, then it’s easy to be getting into that spiral territory. It can be helpful, albeit difficult, to take a step back and think deeply about what you need.
Sometimes, once you take a step back, you still find that your mind is clouded. You don’t know what’s at the root. You’re going back and forth about things, arguing with yourself in your head. You’re telling an entire story in your head, and you aren’t sure who the author is.
It can be really difficult to break through the wall of “should” and get to the things that you and your family really need. Shame is a powerful motivator for a reason, and it’s not always easy to access quality resources in an age where we are overwhelmed with information. Frameworks like SMART (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound) can help you to reflect deeper on your goals, but they don’t quite cut through all of the shame that may cloud that reflection. Devon Price, autistic social psychologist, has written extensively on the topic of growing past shame in the book Unlearning Shame. Price’s work informs how the Davidson Institute approaches conversations around building an authentic support network. Additionally, keeping the child in front of you at the forefront can help you clear your mind of some of the “shoulds” that can sneak in.
Doing a little bit of reflection past shame isn’t going to illuminate all the answers to everything ever. Maybe you don’t know everything yet, but are you getting clear about how you feel? Using books like Permission to Feel and Ross Greene’s collaborative problem-solving approach can help you do something difficult: Accurately identify and effectively communicate your emotions to others.
We don’t want to paint the picture that emotional literacy makes things perfect. When you’re asking for help, there’s probably going to be some hard conversations. You’re allowed to make space for hard conversations, and you can do things that are uncomfortable. We believe in you!
Try This: Use this actionable goal-setting template to reflect deeply on exactly what you need.
I’m not sure what’s at the root here, so I’m having a hard time doing any deeper reflection. Where do I go from here?
That makes sense. Sometimes when we’re unsure of what’s really at the bottom of something, that may be a sign that you need to gather some more information, so put your detective hat on!
First and foremost, are there any signals or messages that you’re getting from your parent gut? If there’s something in the back of your mind that you can’t quite file away neatly, that’s worth pressing into more. You are one of the people in the world who knows your child best. This might mean retesting or additional assessment, written information gathering using this reflective tool.
You can also communicate with your student and family directly, through a family meeting. Keeping an open dialogue about problems within the family and actively working together with all members of the household to solve them can help to build a trusting environment where everyone in the house feels safe to dig deeper. At the same time, you don’t have to make it seem like you know everything or have it all figured out. You can make space and give permission in your family to not know and to be figuring things out.
Try this: Try to compare three conversations that you’ve had around this issue. Are there any patterns that you’re noticing? Record observations and dig deeper using this info-gathering tool.
We will focus on building a support network in Part 3.
The Davidson Young Scholars Program Helps Families Find Clarity
When challenges feel overwhelming or the next step is unclear, taking time to reflect can make a meaningful difference. The Davidson Young Scholars Program offers resources, tools, and support to help families better understand their needs and navigate the path forward.
Permission Statement
This article is provided as a service of the Davidson Institute for Talent Development, a 501(c)3 nonprofit dedicated to supporting profoundly gifted young people 18 and under. To learn more about the Davidson Institute’s programs, please visit www.DavidsonGifted.org.
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